PTSD after traumatic birth and newborn with serious illness

pvroom · ‎08-04-2016

My son was born in April 2015 and it was traumatic. I had a healthy pregnancy but it all went wrong when he was born. He was born at 37 weeks but had stopped growing as my placenta had stopped working so he was more like a 33 weeker. The birth was 36 hours, and I ended up having an assisted delivery and epidural which wasn't what I wanted. I never had time to think about this as soon after he was born he was taken to the nursery because he wasn't breathing and he then had to be resuscitated. He was moved to another hospital with higher level care, but then moved again after another 48 hours ending up in the NICU. He was intubated and it took him about 6 days to breath alone which is unusual for a baby of that gestation.

We finally got him home after four weeks and at first I felt so happy but then after another month he started experiencing reflux and no one would listen to me about it. Eventually a paediatrician did and since then (8 months ago) it's been a rollercoaster of him improving a bit and then regressing again. I get very little sleep, he's up 5 times a night generally between 9pm and 6.30am. Hubby helps but as I'm still feeding him, I naturally have to do more.

I'm seeing a psychologist for the anxiety and PTSD. It's coming up to his first birthday and I'm already wondering how it will affect me.

Elizabeth CP · ‎10-04-2016

It sound as though you really had a rough time both during the birth & in the months afterwards. Unfortunately as mothers we see everyone else managing well & sometimes feel very alone because we aren't managing well. In fact there a lot of mothers who struggle. My children are all grown up now but I had a lot of trouble with a few of my children when they were babies. Fortunately I had a good GP & also a good infant welfare sister who I turned to for advice. I was encouraged to go to a group for mothers most of whom were struggling. I found the support really helpful. Knowing I wasn't the only one struggling was helpful. I found once my children were a bit older I felt more comfortable & happy as a mother.

My DIL had a very traumatic birth & then was given very contradictory information re what had happened. She wanted more children but was petrified of the same thing happening. She ended up arranging to see the obstetrician again to discuss what had happened to her & the implications for the future. She was given written information detailing what had happened & his recommendations to reduce the risk of a recurrence. This gave her the peace of mind she needed.

Remember you are not alone. None of the things that went wrong are your fault. While no one is perfect & the fatigue from broken sleep & crying babies mean we are not able to function as well as we like but I am sure you are doing the best you can like most mothers. From my experience the first year was the hardest. Look forward to enjoying your son as he grows.

pvroom · ‎11-04-2016

Thanks Paul, I am very happy to be a part of the forum and try to help others!

pvroom · ‎11-04-2016

Sorry Simona I missed your post. I have heard about that problem with antibodies that is very difficult, I'm sorry you had to go through that, and had to make the decision not to have another child. I'm glad she is OK now. You sound as though you have made some peace with it, I hope I can too xx

pvroom · ‎11-04-2016

Thanks Carol for your message, gosh you too have been through a lot. Your first sounds similar to mine with the colic/reflux, it is challenging isn't it? And then to have a baby in hospital for your second, on top of losing your mum. That is hard. I don't have any family support really on my side, my dad doesn't want to be a part of my life so it's hard. I feel a bit alone in that sense, especially hard when I see mums out with their parents enjoying the time together. luckily my husband's family are great.

Thanks for your message x

pvroom · ‎11-04-2016

CMF, I am so sorry if I made you feel bad for not responding, of course you didn't have to and don't have to talk about your experience. I am so sorry, I feel terrible. You have been through so much, I hope you are able to get some help that suits you. I am glad you are able to see her as a blessing now. I know how you feel, people say all sorts of things that don't help - a lot of people said to me at the time, but he's a good size, which of course made me feel worse because he was so sick but shouldn't have been, and then now they say, but he's so happy, and I think yeah he is, but not all the time and I feel so sad that he is sometimes so unwell but wants to be happy and maybe he wonders why I can't fix him!

We are still trying to get my son comfortable and happy 100% of the time, OK maybe 90% of the time. He has severe reflux, food allergies, eczema and his sleep is terrible. He's pale, probably anaemic. He's having a gastroscopy in a few weeks to see if he has inflammation in his ospheoghaus and/or if he is coeliac. I am coeliac so good chance he is. So many people say 'OH that's terrible' but for me, at least I would know how to deal with it if he is coeliac. I know everything about it, I can manage it. It's all the unknowns that drive me crazy. I like to research everything and learn about it but there are so many things at play that it's pretty hard.

He is the light of my life though and sometimes he'll have a long sleep like he is right now and I'll have time for myself and feel like I can breathe!

pvroom · ‎11-04-2016

Thank you Elizabeth for your post. I have been meaning to ask my OB for information and your post prompted me to do it just now. Thank you for reassuring me, you are right, a lot of mothers look like they are coping but probably feel the same way I do. I often feel like I'm a failure for not looking presentable, for not being able to keep up with any of the housework, but then I remind myself that no one except myself is actually expecting that. My husband is pretty great in that regard which I think is only fair! Thanks again, I do feel so much better when I'm able to talk/type about all this

CMF · ‎11-04-2016

Hi pvroom,

please please please don't feel bad. I'm really happy I was able to respond to you, do t feel terrible.

its good that read up things so you can be on top of what's happening, however, be careful of reading things that may not be in play if you know what I mean. This can make us stress even more assuming things. It's great that he's having tests to get to the bottom of things and I'm sure once you have these results you will feel a little more at ease as you can concentrate on managing them. I know you're trying to get him comfortable as much as pissible but please don't forget about yourself. I k ow what you men about seeing mums out with their own mums/families. My parents have both passed away and I do t really have a relationship with the other side of my daughters family but that's life. I'm glad your in laws are supportive. I'm pretty sure your lack of sleep isn't helping you too. Have a look intuit amid b8. It's natural and great for the nervous system. It will help calm you and help you think clearer.

please let us know how your sons tests go. He's very lucky to have such a beautiful caring mum.

take care.

cmf

pvroom · ‎11-04-2016

Thank you CMF. My psychologist said exactly that to me the other day about stressing myself out more by reading things. It's a coping strategy but it's not a good one. I have to just let some things go. I'm sorry that you don't have a lot of support, I hope that you have some friends maybe that help you out? Yes lack of sleep sucks! Ok I will look into that!

xx

Lost_Girl · ‎11-04-2016

Hi Pvroom,

The reflux is really horrid. As the child develops and matures physically it does get better. Have your drs advised the same for you?

We have no family support being in a different state from my husband's family. What I did find very valuable was support from the mother's group, and then playgroup that I was in. Are you part of a group like that?

I agree with cmf, lack of sleep sucks. More importantly I believe it makes everything seem so much bigger and worse than it is. On the upside, with bub turning 1 soon they get better and better at sleeping. Just remember things like the housework can wait, try and sleep whenever bub does. Your health is more important.

Perhaps your son's birthday can be a day to make some lovely new memories. My suggestion would be to avoid something that will cause more stress. I would suggest like others have, a new outfit and a trip to a nice park for a picnic. Take a camera and take some relaxing photos of bub exploring the grass and of you and hubby bonding with your bub. There is plenty of time for big parties later on. Bub will not remember the day other than in the photos you take. I'd go relaxing and stress free for all and aim for some beautiful smiles in those photos that you can look back on xx

pvroom · ‎11-04-2016

Thanks Lost Girl - unfortunately and fortunately we moved away from where he was born so I lost my mothers group - we are still in touch but not seeing them. I am meeting people here which is good, just takes time. I have already planned a party but it's in the park, low key so I think it will be OK. I am excited to celebrate as I feel I missed out so much when he was born. I didn't get any flowers or anything, it was just not much fun. So I think the celebration will be really nice. We have about 20 people coming along, and they are all close friends or family who i know will be supportive.