Poetry to deal with PTSD triggers

[Aurora2015]

Hi,

First time poster here. It's the eve of my birthday, I'm in lockdown, live alone and have had a week of being triggered for a multitude of reasons. Having been in therapy on and off for years, I am picking up more and more tools to help deal with the dark moments and more often than not (these days) cope well and manage triggers as opposed to acting out on them. I don't consider my writing good, have no idea where the words came from, but it feels better verbally dribbling them on a page. Can anyone relate?

HIDE

The pain is there, beneath the surface;
You blink and a crack shows;
Quick! Hide it, make a joke, Don't falter!

"You look sad" they'll say;
Laugh it off, deflect, dismiss;
Just don't let it show!

You'll go home, alone. You'll cry, you'll break;
The wound will bleed, the pain is there;
You'll sob until you're numb;
Then you'll sleep.

Morning comes.
You look in the mirror, the pain is there;
It's in your eyes, on your face and in your general demeanor;

Hide it!
Make-up, humor, anything. Don't let them see!
They won't understand. No-one does.
They never have. They never will.

You'll smile and crack a joke as you arrive at work;
"You look happy" they'll say;
You'll wink, crack another joke and get to work.

You'll go home, alone. You'll cry, you'll break;
The wound will bleed, the pain is there;
You'll sob until you're numb;
Then you'll sleep.

Finite.

[Guest_1643]

gorgeous poem!

wow!

i relate to literally every sentence in ur post - live alone, and have struggled on and off for years with Mh

therapy has helped, then hasn't, depending on the professionalism of the therapist. I now choose carefully, and am very aware of red flags if they aren't suitable for helping with PTSD. It's crucial for PTSd to have someone who gets it and embodies trauma-sensitive care, from how they sit in the room, to how they react when u ask questions or challenge them.
Ur poem is beautiful. How are u today? I'm in victoria and this is the prickly end of lockdown. Getting there, cases going down,, but man... so flat out and aggrivated it's taken so long. Trying and feeling tried.
Hope you're doing okay!

[Aurora2015]

Hi there,

Thanks for your kind words, they are greatly appreciated! I'm doing okay today. Hope you're coping okay with the lockdown today too.

[pl515p1]

Hello Aurora,

I can relate in some ways, after losing my mum and dad far too soon during the past several months, my mind has seesawed as much as my emotions.

I have written so much since I lost my entire world, some of it is distressing, some angry, some sad, some beautiful.

Your words say so much, the need to feel sadness, yet also the need to feel or appear normal the next day, I can relate, myself as a man, I try to not break down in front of others, I put on the facade of a brave face etc, sometimes writing out my thoughts allows me to say what I cannot face to face.

I have shared some poems here, but there have been two times where what I have written has been shared aloud with others, both times are special to me for different reasons.

The first was at the funeral of my father in November, I tried to read a Eulogy and...
Uh, anyway, the Funeral clergy actually chose to read one of the poems I had written in a book I wrote for dad, and hearing my words from the voice of another, and feeling the power as he spoke, is something I will never forget.

I did not want to write anymore after that, but recently I was asked if I wished to submit something of mine for a grief support exhibit, so after discussing it with my psychologist I agreed.

She told me that my words resonated with others who are also going through grief, and that brought joy to me, and gave me a bit more inspiration to continue to write, as I have begun to understand how much words can mean.

Emotions, thoughts, regrets, pain, they swirl around the mind, jockeying for positions of power. Sometimes letting them escape onto the page gives my mind a rest, other times it brings those thoughts into reality.

I think expressing what is within oneself is import, whatever form that takes, if writing helps you too, I hope you continue, and understand that what you say holds your truth, you experience, and your power, perhaps not only the power to help you, but to help others as well.

For me, seeing words in a tangible form brings reality and presence to my thoughts, I too do not know where they come from, but I figure that there must be a reason I think them, and to let them vanish from memory would be a waste, as a thought may only last for the briefest of moments, but if it is written, then it can live forever.