Past sexual assault now affecting marriage

[Mjtsb]

I was sexually assaulted at the age of 18 

I have been with my partner now for around 10 years and have 2 children. Since the kids were born I’ve had less interest in intimacy however more recently I had a night out and when I came home he took advantage of me being drunk, this had happened a few times now and hadn’t really thought much of it because I do tend to want more intimacy with a few drinks in my system. However it’s really affected me and I find myself cringing when he is near me

im sure this is all related back to my history of assault but I’m not sure how I can work through this? 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

There is a huge difference in a person being taken advantaged of i.e. not wanting sex at any time and a person giving permission for sex when under the influence.  

I would suggest that you have a serious conversation to him about this and draw the line, no permission means "NO". This is not about your bad experience at 18yo, it is for all people!

As for your bad experience, you quite likely would benefit from some form of therapy and I would advise to see your GP and go with their referrals.

It is not unusual to reduce interest in sex post having children or general aging but it would be beneficial to know if your past has any relevance.

Good luck and thanks for posting

TonyWK

[Sophie_M]

Hi Mjtsb,

We are so sorry to hear what you have been through. No matter how long ago it was, traumatic experiences can still be triggered and take a toll on us. We’re glad you had the strength and bravery to share this here.  

Everyone deserves to feel safe and respected in a relationship. If you'd like to have a chat with one of the lovely people at 1800Respect they're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here: https://chat.1800respect.org.au/#/welcome 

You can also talk to the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors about this at any time on 1300 22 4636, or via our webchat.   

Thank you again for your courage and strength in sharing your story. If you’d like to share a bit more here about how you’ve been feeling, our kind community will be here to offer their support and understanding.    

Kind regards,  

Sophie M