No one is willing to help

[NateMcNate]

Hi,

I am posting here as I have no idea what to do.

Heres a brief account of what happened to me. Late 2017 I was involved in an incident while at work where I mistakenly put myself in between a violent male and a woman and her child. In doing so I ended up being physically attacked.

Everything seemed fine in the following weeks.

Approximately 4 or 5 weeks after something switched in my head. Severe anxiety, depression, stress manifested out of nowhere. This affected me severely. I have approached GP's, attended psychologist and they all have diagnosed me with PTSD but have done nothing to help me address the problem. I feel that these people only prolong the agony to make as much profit from it.

Since then everything has gone from bad to worse, I have gone from working where I did make quite a good living to being homeless, living out of a tent, constant anxiety, heart feels like its ready to jump out of my chest most of the time. I don't eat, I haven't had a full nights sleep in 2 years. This is not living, what is the point.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Nate McNate

Don't know if you're still around but I wanted to wish youva happt New Year. My hope foe you is that 2020 is a year of hope.

You've been on my mind with all the fires and extreme heat around the country. I hope you are safe.

Kind thoughts to you

[NateMcNate]

Hi Summer Rose,

Thank you and I hope you had a good new year.

Not a good start to 2020 unfortunately but I didn't expect it to be any better than the previous year.

I was at my worst a couple of weeks ago, ended up receiving a welfare call from the Police.

I wasn't able to see my son or get any Christmas presents for him due to this whole homeless situation I'm in which is very hard to deal with.

I have approached many places for help over the past month or so but I am always turned away, I seem to always fall just outside the criteria for help, forever living in this grey area, forever invisible.

Regarding my Victims of Crime application, I am required to attend a hearing at the start of Feb to once again relive the whole incident and everything that followed in the past 2 years. This will yet be another situation where I am told I don't fall within the criteria. Stress and anxiety have hit the roof just knowing I have to travel back to that place to attend.

I just don't see anything getting better in the foreseeable future, I have stopped looking for any help as I cant handle another rejection.

[Lady_Nova]

my only suggestion is to find a trauma specialist. You can find one near you via victims services in NSW, but I am sure there is something similar in your state. I found a very good psychologist through them and she is no end of help. She helped me apply for an additional 22 free sessions paid for by victims services on top of the mental health care plan. She has additional training to deal with trauma ... I dont know where I would be without her.

Also there are advocacy services who should be able to support you though the victims processes from a legal standpoint.

I hope there are more positives in this year than previous. You deserves a better outcome than what you have been put through

[Summer Rose]

Hi Nate

Life isn't fair or easy at times and it sure takes us through some unexpected twists and turns. I can really empathise with how hard it is for you to cope with all that has happened and all that you have lost.

When I was 17, living a full life and about to embark on university study, I was hit by a drunk driver. The car accident left me with a broken back, head trauma, neck injuries and more. I was angry at the world. I felt I had lost everything.

I didn't want to face recovery, as I was afraid. What would happen if the therapy didn't work? Then I realised the alternative to trying was a life in a wheelchair.

I came to understand that while life was tough, it was also good, and my best life was worth the fight. Eventually I did learn to walk again, got to uni and got on with living.

It's okay to rest--we all do at times-- and I will sit with you in friendship while you do. But when you are ready I will also help you try again. Because no matter how hard it is, no matter how long it takes, sometimes we just have to plough on.

A place to start might be finding you a way out of the "grey area". Finding a way to share your truth in a way that breaks through this barrier. I would really like to brainstorm this with you and would be interested in your thoughts.

Sending nothing but kindness to you

[NateMcNate]

Hi all,

It's been a while since posting here, maybe 6 months or so. I was stuck in a little country town in mid-west NSW while the lockdown was happening.

At the time I thought the isolation would be beneficial to helping me figure out why I had fallen so far into this black hole. It did help calm the social anxiety that I suffer due to the lack of people around and helped realise that I have been suffering mental illness been a lot longer than I first thought, I also identified some triggers and what I did wrong in the past. A positive is that I am no longer homeless. At the time I thought being homeless was a major contributor to my mental health issues but have found it wasn't at all.

I have noticed one of my major triggers is when I think back to the people I have pushed away in my life, the relationships I have ruined, the choices I made. Regret really puts a deep hole in my stomach, my head becomes cloudy, I get a headache, and panic sets in. I decided to reach out to some of the people I pushed away hoping to explain why I was so distant, why I had walls up, why I pushed them away. Unfortunately, that did not go down well as I was met with anger, blame and name-calling amongst other things. Of everything that was said the one comment that hurt the most was that I was "selfish", not because it was insulting but because of the way I dealt with mental illness which I did not realise I had at the time made this comment completely true. I had become so withdrawn that it seemed to them that I didn't care about anyone but myself. I was always negative and a lot of the time I would zone out and wasn't listening at all. Of course, this was not intentional, going into a dazed state was just a random thing that happened, I still can't explain why it happened.

I am now wondering if a lot this is due to distancing myself from people. I don't have a social circle, I don't have any hobbies, It's impossible to hold any interest in anything, I am mostly alone which I know is not a good thing. My issue is I find it extremely hard to meet and greet with new people as I am afraid of being judged, I am afraid that I am not good enough to be included, I am afraid that I will push them away like I have everyone else.

This is just the tip of the iceberg, baby steps.

I have one person I consider close but don't want to burden her with my issues.

I am now seeing a psychologist but has only been a couple of sessions.

Thank you for listening, it does help.

[James_V]

Hi NateMcNate 🙂

Just wanted to start with saying that your reaction at the time when or after your trauma happened was expressed though negative thoughts and emotions, or a negative frame of mind, you were not yourself, this was something that happened to you and therefor you do not have to apologise for it and you do not have to explain yourself.

It is terrible to be in a position where others judge you for something you didn't even do wrong and was out of your control, I remember I was in that position myself, where others just didn't "get it". I got so tired of trying to explain things to people, so I instead let it all go, I allowed the people who were not helping be as they were and I moved on. It was a huge relief, there was no resentment or hatred, just simply letting go and stop trying to explain something that which happened in the past that I couldn't then and still can't in the present moment change. Things are as they are and always will be. Accepting that was uplifting for me. I hope perhaps you can find some way of letting go and moving as well.

It sounds like your are already on the path to recovery, even though it may not feel like it, you mention you now have awareness of your thoughts (past and present), emotions and triggers, in other words you are beginning to awaken and your mind is no longer controlling you.

It is a very strange feeling to be able to look back on yourself as though you are looking at someone else in the past that no longer exists. Which in a sense is kind of true, you are not the person you were before, you are the person you are now, that of which is a very wise and beautiful person to be.

Also, don't be concerned with other people at this stage, just focus on yourself, in time you will connect with people again, but not because you want to or because you need to, it will just happen when it is the right time to do so.

Hope this helps somewhat. 🙂

[Summer Rose]

Hi NateMcNate

It is so nice to hear from you again! Learning of your progress really touched my heart and I feel really happy for you. You have come a long way, my friend. You should be so proud of yourself.

Dealing with regret is really hard. It's a universal battle for us humans to learn to let things go, even when we know we must to be able to move forward. But something tells me you can do this. Please, be kind to yourself.

You are good enough, Nate. In fact, you're better than good enough, you're an inspiration. You have a home again. You are receiving treatment. You have a close friend. You have incredible insight and courage. There is so much to celebrate.

You just keep moving forward with your head held high because on any measure that matters you are a star.

I'm glad this forum helps you. Thank you for letting me be a small part of your struggle and success because that, in turn, helps me too.

Kind thoughts to you