No one believes I was sexually assaulted

[Guest_41598496]

I was sexually assaulted 3 times by a mutual friend. 
Every occasion I felt weak and said no but I froze and let it happen. I tried to defer him away because I was so uncomfortable but he kept going. 
I opened up to my friends but since we are all in the same social circle, the mutual friend has claimed he thought it was consensual. My friends have cut me off because of it. 
It makes me feel like I didn’t do enough to stop it. I don’t know exactly what he has said to them, but it makes me question if my story is even true. I second guess what happened and struggle to stay true to my story because I’m convinced I didn’t do enough to stop it and it was my fault. 

I don’t have any support friends anymore. All my friends have cut me off. My parents don’t know because I don’t want to stress them out. I am scared of reporting this to the police because it might cause more of a drift between me and my friends. I am also scared it’s going to get turned back on me again like it was my fault. 

I have started anti depressants and struggling to cope with the anxiety that I get in the first weeks of beginning SSRI’s. I don’t know who else to talk to. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi  
Guest_41598496
Thank you so much for your openness and strength in sharing this here. It sounds like there is a lot going on, and we’re glad you could reach out to the forums. You are deserving of respect and are so brave for being able to share your story even though your friends have seemed to abandon you in a time of need. We can hear you are doubting yourself and what is true, assault is never acceptable.
We’d recommend reaching out to 1800RESPECT to get support with this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 and they also have webchat here. They are experts in supporting people who are experiencing abuse and will listen in a kind, understanding and non-judgmental way.
It sounds like it's having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online, here.  
We’re sure we’ll hear from our lovely, supportive community soon. In the meantime, here’s a few things you might like to look at:
Blue Knot’s advice on self-care for survivors of trauma and abuse
1800 RESPECT’s advice on safety planning: thinking about things you can do to be safer while you’re there and as you plan to leave. 
It's important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here.
We are here to support you and you are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing here.
Kind regards,
Sophie M