No confidence on how to rebuild after abuse, bullying, breakdown

[Rebuilding_a_shattered_li]

Hi, this is a first for me and I guess I'm a bit nervous as i am not sure what to expect.

My predominant career path has/was in mental health AOD and suicide prevention , however last year I left my abusive relationship with no support, family, friends or money, started a new job in a different field where I was bullied and harrassed until eventually I had to resign as it wasn't going to stop. Im unemployed, can't get an interview with anyone, feel useless and have reached hopelessness that I will ever rebuild myself let alone find or sustain employment and counselling is not helping as MH is my background so I find it frustrating. I am always angry or miserable and am so disheartened by the treatment I have received, maybe that's because of my background I don't know, I guess I don't know what to do to get back my life or how anyone does after abuse and job loss, I feel like a failure and have lost everything and I hate to say this but I wouldn't have left if I'd known what to expect. I have had a complete breakdown and am not sure how anyone rebuilds or recovers . I guess I'm not sure what more I can do

[Matches]

Hi, Rebuilding a shattered life.
Just when you think you’re all alone another person with a similar background comes along! My story is very similar to yours plus the death of my closest support person and my own motor vehicle accident in recent years. Abusive relationships destroy your confidence, bullying destroys your confidence, unemployment destroys your confidence.
It’s extremely frustrating when you have both a lived experience of MI, and a desire to help others with MH issues, I find I’m always treated with suspicion and as a malingerer by the health services. But the one thing that keeps me going is my desire to help others and being able to offer this advice to you today is a form of therapy for me.
You may have had a breakdown, but you are REPAIRABLE, although I can’t cart you off to the repair shop for a few replacement parts, it’s never that easy, I can offer you a few tools to add to your self-repair kit. If you see yourself as a collection of systems, biological, psychological and social, and make 1 small change to each of these complex systems daily, I’m sure you will find your way back. While you need to find what works for you, examples of things that work for me include;
BIOLOGICALLY - drink an extra few glasses of water, go for a walk.
PSYCHOLOGICALLY – use positive affirmations “I’m strong, I will recover”, “I’m on a detour to success, I will get there” etc.
SOCIALLY – take the time to have a chat with the old man walking his dog, learn something about him, possibly something that troubles him.
I hope you don’t find these words shallow, it’s sometimes the little things we need to do to repair something.
Persevere!!

[smallwolf]

Hi,

welcome to beyond blue,

firstly, I just want to thank you for the work that you have done in mental health.

From your post I see that you are disheartened with treatment you have received. What part of the "treatment" were you not happy with? And despite everything that has happened to you, you have had to the courage to post here to talk about what you are going through. Perhaps by talking here you might find some answers to whatever questions you might have...? And by posting here you are forming connections with a new group of people.

In relation to work, have you thought about volunteering or working some place like Bunnings or Coles. This was something a few people suggested to me - at least while I got my head right.

The one question that I would have for you is ...

If a friend told you your story, what would you say to them?

A different question might be... given the various struggles you have at the moment, and the things you are dealing with, what for you would be most important thing for you to deal with?

I want you to know that I am listening, and you want to chat some more, just reply to this post.

Tim

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Great post "matches" good advice. Essentially being positive about what you can change and putting aside what you cannot.

Please google these and read the first post "rebuilding a shattered life"

Beryondblue topic 30 minutes can change your life

Beyondblue topic looking for work- some tips

Beyondblue topic do we expect a smooth road in life?

Beyondblue topic worry worry worry

TonyWK

[Curleee]

Hi there

i have had 2 jobs in 3 years where there was violence, that I had to leave. So u r not alone. One was for 8 years in a work place and I finally took a stand for myself and quit. I am still rebuilding after that (from 2 years ago).... in terms of not having a job at the same level. In the end about 6 months after u left, the perpetrator- he got walked off the premises.... was given half an hour to pack his bags.

And since then I had another job I had to leave because I was working w vulnerable young people. I had to leave this job because I was seriously assaulted 6 times in a 3 month patch. In the last 2 years I’ve had nearly 5 months off work - unpaid - and I don’t earn enough to do such a thing - but at some point I had to take my mental health seriously..... no one else will..... I needed to do that for myself. And you’ve shown this same courage.

It it takes time and u will slowly re-establish your tribe of people again....... you are probably doing a lot better than u r giving yourself credit for

be kind to yourself

[Curleee]

Just another ditty..... you probably have cumulative trauma from your work, so your feelings will have a multiplying effect

[Curleee]

Hello Rebuilding,
Just checking in on how u r going with everything?

[Peter0LX]

Hi Rebuilding a Shattered Life,

I believe there is hope for you. You're almost certainly better off out of jobs where bullying goes on. Can I suggest you do something calming in order to put aside your stress for a hour or so at a time. Concentrating hard on some harmonious but unpredictable music can be good. I don't know your taste in music but even if you're not a fan, you could try a Beethoven symphony. His number 7 does the job nicely. Just listen to one movement if that's all you have time for. Dive right in and listen out for the different instruments playing their parts. The main thing is to try to block out distractions from the rest of the world while you concentrate on the music.

I would encourage you to pluck up the courage to see your GP and ask for a referral to a psychologist. I think this is the fastest way back to taking back control of your life and finding greater stability. A psychologist will help you identify events in your past that you have difficulty finding words for and then help you disconnect the painful emotions from memories of the events. This should have a good chance of working for you.

All the best.

[stephanie7]

I arrived at random on this forum and your post moved me, because i feel like i'm in a situation similar to yours.
I feel miserable in some aspects of my life! And then i read the answer of "Matches" which says that the fact of helping the others, the fact of having the interaction with the entourage, that contributes a little to our reconstruction. I have a psychologist friend who explained the same thing to me (namely that a positive interaction with other people promotes better integration, and better self-esteem).
In life it's possible to have more or less extensive interactions with different people. But the most complete and beneficial interaction that there can be between us and another person is a positive interaction. in a couple. I don't know if my message will help you, but this psychologist friend advised me to open my heart and to look for a companion on the internet, if it is easier. This friend would have met herself. her companion on the internet (a site called Christian Projection) and got married.