Narcissistic Parent

[Guest2583]

Hi,

I've grown up with (who I think) is likely a narcissistic mother (my parents split when I was very young so I've lived primarily with her) and lately I just don't know how much more I can take. I've always struggled a lot with low self-esteem and confidence because of her comments constantly putting me down (except I always thought it was me not her), but this year, during my Grade 12, anxiety and depression took a huge toll on my life and my Mum refused to believe it was a genuine issue and kicked my older sister out of the house when she tried to explain the urgency of my situation to her. I'm now thankfully coming on the other side of my mental health challenges, but still living under the same roof as her is making me start to question my sanity and feel almost like I'm trapped in a prison - I hate being here. Ever since she told my sister to leave, she has lost touch of any sort of boundaries with me (goes through my room, messages my friends without asking me, takes complete control). She's been trying to control my school-life, relationships, future and I just feel like a puppet on a string.

When I ask her to give me space, she thrives off the fighting and says comments like "it's my house I can do what I want" "Who are you anymore? Why are you so cruel to me?" or "You're a cop-out, you will never achieve anything in life if you treat people like this". I'm already in a really emotionally vulnerable place, so when she says stuff like this to me it makes me really question whether what she's saying is actually right and if I've been wrong all along - No matter how hard I've tried my whole life, I've never got her acceptance and I don't know why I keep trying - It's a continuous cycle of disappointment, hurt then trying to leave her and live with my Dad, only to be reeled back in with showering of gifts and obligations.

So I guess I'm asking if anyone else has been in a similar situation with their parents and what the best action is to do? Is it worth me trying to fix the relationship and be honest with how I feel or should I just leave? Any advice would be very much appreciated.

[Universling]

My heart goes out to you. I have suffered a narcissistic family. I am the youngest of 7 i'm 49 yrs age. Your story really touched me because I know how it feels to be used and abused by your own family (in your case your mother). You did nothing to deserve it. I hope your mother goes to hell (where she sent you all your life). Destructive personalities always go undetected and us victims are left alone and isolated. But fortunately these days there is a lot more understanding of Narcissistic personality disorder for victims of it. Its very hard to move forward when you are a victim of a psychologically dangerous person, because the damage they do is so severe. It's irreversible. I try and love myself every day with self-care etc, but at the end of the day the damage my narcissistic family have done to me is too big. Everyone expects me to move forward and its like hanging in there when there is nothing left to hold onto. Its like hanging by a thread. The worst thing about narcissistic personalites is that when you are a victim you are always blamed. They are not held accountable and get away with serious abuse and you are the one always having to defend yourself. It is disgusting that these people ie: your mother and my whole family are free to abuse and destroy and do whatever they like. I've endured being taken away by authorities for doing nothing wrong, treated like a criminal because of my families lies and abuse. I survived suicide at 16. I also ran away from home at 16. There's a classic movie called Frances about a mother with narcissistic personality disorder and the daughter being taken away by authorities for doing nothing wrong. I can really relate to that movie. I hope your life gets better and just know you are not alone if that's any consolation.

Universling

[Bpear]

Leave, she won’t change. My father was very similar. I still struggle but I struggle far less than living with him.

[krezel]

Hi louiseb,

I understand fully, with your story, i also was the scapegoat, i,m 56 now and still the anger and hurt lives with me every day. because of my toxic narcissism family. My father recently passed away and i,m being attacked triangulated, and guilt provoked, unbelieveable , by my mother and two siblings, my nightmare has come to the surface yet again.