Maybe its me (domestic violence)

Maddy_84 · ‎18-12-2017

Hi all,

so as the title suggests I'm new here and honestly im a little uneasy about it all.

However I feel it hard to turn to anybody else and I'm hoping someone can give me some insight..

I'm 33, married for almost 9 years, but this relationship has never been smooth sailing. He used to be very possessive, arrogant, domineering, he loses his temper and puts me down. Yes it has gotten better but still happens. I now have 2 kids, and we have a pretty big mortgage as I'm not yet back to work- hopefully next year. So finance has become a HUGE issue in our relationship along with in law issues which in turn has created us to both withdraw from each other. I'm so confused and alone and so not feeling wanted. Im really wanting some advice from a male perspective. I have also made mistakes in this relationship that I live with everydaybut I'm trying to make it work for our kids but I'm just not sure I could ever be fully happy...

geoff · ‎18-12-2017

hello Maddy, can I welcome you to the site and thanks for posting your comment and I'm sorry for how your circumstances have made your marriage difficult.
From what you have said there is so much involved and such a complex comment that if you can we would like to know a little bit more, I know it maybe difficult to open up, but this is a site where all of us have been through our own difficult times so what you have to say will be similar to what some of us have also been through.
So please Maddy reply back to us. Geoff.

Maddy_84 · ‎19-12-2017

Hi geoff, my husband and I met when I was actually seeing someone else at the time. I didn't think it was serious so i ended it quickly but somehow it affected him a lot. At the time he didn't want me to communicate with any of my male friends He would lose his temper, it used to get quite scary, punching holes in walls, driving erratically even smashing in his car door with his fists. He did it twice in front of my family too. We got married moved into a house and things got worse he was always angry. If he didn't like what I made for dinner it would end up across the room. It got to the point that I was terrified to say or do anything. I'd even leave the door unlocked just in case I had to make a run for it. That's when my anxiety surfaced, I'd wake from sleep shaking, heart racing, I could barely sleep I was crying all the time, getting sick all the time. I was a mess. We moved house and renovated and that's when my panic attacks started i thought I was going to die and ended up in emergency with a super high heart rate, so high they put me on heart meds to get it down. I had test after test and months of worrying and wondering what was wrong with me. Finally put me on medication, and it had helped. We did couples counselling and to some degree I found my voice and started to lay down my own ground rules. He also got put on meds and I think it helped him too. Moving House put us under massive financial strain and then 2 kids later who are still very little with me not working and him working 6 days a week has put the pressure on majorly. Just before the kids I really felt withdrawn from him so I started talking to others online and I was getting attention and yes it felt good. He ended up with my mobile and as you can imagine it wasn't good. I didn't want it to be like that at all but I felt I was missing something. I know it was wrong what I was doing but at the time I didn't care. Anyway we kinda got past that and then the kids came along. He kept working I tried to keep up with everything at home, he ended up sleeping in bed and I slept with the kids. Issues with finance and pressure kept coming up along with lots of in law issues. we have withdrawn further. I don't know what happiness feels like anymore. I feel like the only time he wants me is for sexual purposes and I don't even want that anymore. I come from divorced parents and I never wanted that for my own kids. Maybe it's me,I'm the toxic one.. I just feel lost, I don't want to be alone.