Marital assault

[Guest_922]

So my husband assulted me. I dont think he would see it that way. It’s complicated. We were both drunk and consenting when I said stop during the act because I was feeling ill, he continued while I drifted in and out of consciousness. I feel low and haven’t been able to work because I just can’t concentrate or breathe. I feel guilty because had I not started feeling unwell I would have still gone along. At the same time I feel disrespected, He had his phone out at one stage and I mumbled not to record me. He said he wasnt but I don’t know why else he had it. Essentially I have no trust left in him or myself. I don’t know where to from here because I’m just empty and alone. I don’t think he cares for me. At least not as much as I need him to. I can’t tell friends or family - it’s humiliating. I’m seeing my psychologist tomorrow but I don’t know if I will be even able to bring it up there. I havent been able to talk to him about it as I don’t know if I want to hear his response. Im feeling so lost and unable to function. I can’t keep pretending that everything is ok, that I’ve got it all under control - life, career, family. I haven’t and I know I’m spiraling. So I’m avoiding work and people in general.

[geoff]

Hello Guest, I'm really sorry to know what's happened to you, so can you print this out and give it to your psychologist or write down just a couple of points that are worrying you.

Can I say that there are some points in your comment that do raise great concern, especially when you feel disrespected but pretend everything is ok and by doing this only exaggerates the situation you are struggling in.

Just because you were drunk and consented, your husband shouldn't have assaulted you, and in saying 'no' means exactly that.

I think that it would be best to discuss this with your psychologist, someone has to know and I'm sure they may know something already.

Please let us know.

My best.

Geoff.

[Guest_922]

Thanks for your reply. I did as you suggested and wrote down what happened and gave it to my psychologist to read. It was helpful. Whilst what happened was not ok, I have also been able to speak with my husband briefly about this tonight and his recollection was slightly different. he acknowledged that I felt disrespected and has promised to listen and not pressure me when I have said no. He did not record me.

It was helpful writing it all down for my psychologist. We were able to unpack many problems - some of which I need to take responsibility for. I feel more hopeful today.

[geoff]

Hi Guest, I'm pleased that you were able to do this and remember if you are able to continue doing this then it may also be very helpful for you.

If you want to take responsibility you also need the support from your husband.

Hope you can stay in touch with us.

Geoff.