Lost. Trying to cope with 4 deaths & my rape trial dropped

[Gizmo6]

I feel like I’ve reached my limit. Aside from previous trauma, the past few years have really tested my resilience, especially the last 12 months. I’ll try to summarise.

My nan died, my friend died from an accident, my mum died after fighting cancer for a few years - caring for mum at the end was the hardest thing I’ve endured, for various reasons - my beloved dog died, I was going through the absolutely awful and traumatic legal process of a rape case, which fortunately finally ended with a trial date set.

I came into 2024 though with so much hope, for positive change, and potential happiness.

8th Jan, I get told the DPP decided to drop my case, there would be no trial. After all of the immense stress & trauma from the process (that I ended up in hospital for months from when I tried to end my life). Suddenly, it’s over, just like that, the government gave up on me - it was too hard to fight for me in court.

15th Jan I took my other dog to the vet she was having trouble breathing. Immediate X-rays revealed she had collapsed lungs and I’d be best to say goodbye in a matter of days.

3 days later take her to my normal vet (yes, yesterday), who says actually it might just be fluid on the lungs caused by an infection- we will try meds for 2 weeks. I should have been ecstatic, but I was so shocked. Of course, it’s fantastic news, she’s my world.

But now I feel numb, and totally lost. The intense and devastating emotions over the 2 weeks have I think finally broken me.  
And my poor doggo is still not well I have to listen to her struggling to breathe all of the time which is heartbreaking and I have no idea what’s going to happen or when. 

I don’t know what to do with myself, or my feelings, or lack thereof.  

[indigo22]

Hi Gizmo6,

Thank you for reaching out, I can relate to a number of things you have been through and are still going through. I am so sorry you feel so low, life can be brutal at times.

I also cared for my mother through cancer to the end. In the space of 9 years I lost my best friend in an accident, my 2 cats, and my father, brother and mother to cancer. Then the last of my siblings came at me with lawyers over the estate, so I was dealing with her lawyers at the same time. It wore me down too. I felt like humpty-dumpty, just broken and no idea how to put myself back together. I also had suicidal ideation for a couple of years afterwards.

I think what largely got me through was talking with a social worker regularly, being able to talk through things with someone who is not emotionally attached to the situation can help you find new perspectives and just let it all out instead of ruminating on your thoughts. It will take time to get yourself feeling better than you feel now, but it will happen, just be patient with yourself. Practice self care such as eating well, getting enough sleep, exercise if you feel up to it, journaling, reading, etc.

I am sorry about your trial being cancelled, that hardly seems like justice. Is there anything you can do in the way of an appeal?

I am also going through a similar situation with my 15 year old cat, she also has breathing issues so I understand how difficult it is to see them unwell.

I would be happy to continue this conversation if you wish, you are not alone.

Please take good care of yourself,

indigo

[Gizmo6]

Thank you Indigo for your message. I am so incredibly sorry to hear what you’ve had to go through. 😢 That sounds just horrendous, I am so glad you found a way to work through it and I hope you’re doing ok.
I appreciate your advice from your own experience 💛 I think journaling might be a good start, thank you 🌻

[Gizmo6]

Also sorry, I forgot to say that I’m wishing with all my heart that your cat recovers ok and quickly. Just awful isn’t it🤞💕

[indigo22]

Hi again Gizmo6,

Thank you for your heartfelt kindness, we all need a bit more of that in our lives 💜

What you have been through is just as horrendous, I just wanted you to know that I can empathise with how you are feeling.

Your violation and the lack of justice must be infuriating, are there any other steps you can take from here?

I fail to understand that this attitude toward sexual assault still exists in society, it's about time males (and females in some cases) were made to take responsibility for their actions. Humans are part of the animal kingdom but are supposedly more evolved. I have to question that at times like this. Animals at least have the reason of procreation of their species, but sexual assault is an act of pure selfishness and is the most personally violating of all forms of assault. I am so sorry you have been through that and I hope that you are able to find a way to justice somehow.

My cat has bronchial inflammation and we have tried a number of things that either have not worked or have a temporary effect. The only thing we have not done is a bronchial biopsy to figure out what is causing it, but at 15, I don't want to put her under anaesthesia unless it becomes absolutely necessary. I know I will lose her eventually, but I would prefer not to lose her under anaesthetic, she is my constant companion and we love each other unconditionally, it's a very close bond. I imagine it is the same with your fur baby. Is your dog any better on the medication?

I am following your post so come back to this thread whenever you want to talk about things and I will get back to you. Everyone in the forum community will unload when necessary, it's a healthy way of dealing with your emotions with people who understand.

Please take care and let me know how your are going.

indigo