lost *trigger warning: sexual assault, child abuse*

[Lulu999]

I am so completely lost right now.

I have anxiety & depression, 2 of my daughters were sexually abused earlier this year by a family friend & 2 weeks ago I found a video on my husband's phone of him having sex with a prostitute... & that is just the tip of the iceberg.

I feel like there is no one left in the world I can trust. My husband has been my best friend for 15 years but it hasn't been easy. 6 years ago, pregnant with our 3rd daughter I found out he had had a one night stand (when I was pregnant with my 2nd daughter). I only found out because the nurses thought I had an std so I confronted him. He promised me that it was only a one time thing & was a huge mistake. But after our daughter was born I found that he had a secret email account & had been sending dirty pictures to other women & vice versa. He was also on dating websites & watching an increasing amount of pornography. I kicked him out. Following this he attended a few sex addict counselling sessions & once again promised he would change & never do these things again. As time progressed I knew he was watching porn but I turned a blind eye. We now have 4 young children & I guess it was just too hard? I should have done something about it.

2 weeks ago I found a video on his phone of him having sex with a prostitute. It shattered me. I also found texts where he was clearly setting up another session. I told him I want a divorce & was going to move down near my parents so I had some support around me. But I just can't move on. I still love him & he has begun to disclose some information about traumatic events which happened to him as a child & I believe these have had a big impact on his actions over the past years. I feel like I need to support him to get help but at the same time I'm a mess & don't really have much help for myself. To complicate things we are waiting for the court date to come up mid next year in regards to our children & their assault so I feel I can't move until that happens. They need their counsellors & support which has been established here.

I feel like there really aren't too many honest or good people in the world. The person who hurt my babies was the partner of one of my closest friends & since things came out she has not spoken to me & is still with him. My husband was my one 'true friend' but now I find it was all a lie. Everyone closest to me hurts me & breaks my trust. I carry on for the sake of my children but I am so utterly broken.

[Croix]

Dear Lulu999~

You have had a very hard time and it is not surprising you have lost faith in people. Your husband sounds a weak sort of person, not very trustworthy. The fact your closest friend's partner abusing your daughters is horrifying, both for them and you.

I guess what you do depends on how much you can take. If you want the best for your children than probably staying in the vicinity makes sense. This of course does not mean your husband has to be allowed to stay. You have made him leave once before and I'd imagine you can do it again.

Alternatively if you wished to leave to be near your parents have you made inquiries to see if your children's support could be handled there?

While it may be true he has problems from his childhood I'm not sure supporting your husband should be a priority right now. As this is the second time round for being unfaithful it does indicate that the first time around whatever treatment or counseling he had was ineffective. I'd imagine for it to be effective it would have to be a long term thing. If he wants the marriage to continue now is the time for him to try really hard, take psychological support seriously and do what he can to make your path easier. A separation might be appropriate.

What do you think?

You talked about counseling and support for your daughters. You also said your parents were not close by. May I ask if you are having medical support for your anxiety and depression? Also if there is anyone to support you now? Could perhaps your mum come be with you for a bit?

I do hope you can come here and say how you are going, we do care

Croix

[FinallyFree]

Hi Lulu999 ,

Your story is heartbreaking. Not only are you dealing with betrayal, but you are mourning the loss of your best friend.

What I am about to say next is the hardest thing.. but I promise it will get you thinking.

A friend recently introduced me to NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder). My ex fiance did and said the same things as your husband. Fortunately for me, he never went through with sleeping with another person but knowing he had those thoughts and temptations was hard enough.

My point is, before you decide what to do, I would suggest googling narcissistic abuse. Your story mirrored so much of my own experiences that I hope by reading these stories you are able to find inner peace and embrace the kind and nurturing person you want to be for your children.

I hope that you find the strength to trust people again. Family is so important and sometimes leaving people behind to move forward can be the thing that changes your life.

Please know that people are here to listen. I wish you all the happiness you deserve and that you find the strength to do what you think is best for yourself and your children.