living next door to attacker

[Hoonlady]

In June this year, I was attacked by a neighbour while she was having a psychotic manic attack. It took months before I could go out of the house without panic, but I was recovering. Now my neighbour is back home and any progress I made is long gone.  Although the house is on the market, in our neck of the woods it takes around two years to sell and nobody local will buy or recommend the house next door to the local lunatic. The stress is more than I can bear. Anybody have any suggestions, as every time I see her I'm right back trying to duck that hammer. 

PS I still have to go through the ordeal of going to court. That alone fills me with dread and I'm pretty sure the verdict will be not guilty by reason of insanity (the correct term escapes me at present) and she'll still be next door with her bedroom within 10 metres of mine. 

[Paul]

Hey Hoonlady,

There's some pretty powerful feelings that you are experiencing, it sounds really tough 😞  I can only imagine it would feel horrible and unsettling.

Are you seeing someone about the stress and what you're feeling?

Do you have someone living with you? If not, a friend or even a border could help just knowing there is someone in the house with you.

Going through court is a process. Jumping to the conclusion in your might straight away might be stirring things up a bit. If you can, maybe deal with one thing at a time, leave thinking about court until you are there and then it's a step by step process. Take a trusted friend or family member with you.

I think one of the keys is to keep yourself surrounded by friends and family who you are trusted and you feel comfortable with, that way you have emotional protection.

If you aren't seeing someone about what happened it might be worth considering some professional assistance.

I hope you feel a bit better soon.

Hugs

Paul

[geoff]

hello, and this must be terrible and such awful situation you are placed in, and if they are found guilty due to 'mental insanity', then they wouldn't be allowed to just go home I wouldn't think, they would have to go to a mental institute until they deemed to be fit to return home.

I don't know if you have place an intervention order on her, which means if she breaks it then the police need to contacted.

You never know your luck, because she maybe in an institution when a buyer comes along.

Google this site 'program to help avoid difficult people'. Geoff.x

[Neil_1]

Dear hoonlady

Oh boy, you’ve hit the right button here for posting it in the Traumatic section as just reading through your post, it does reveal exactly that.

I’ve seen that Paul has provided you with a great response and he’s put in a couple of questions which I was thinking along the lines of asking as well – I guess the key one is:  do you live alone?  And if yes, then is it possible to get someone to move in with you;  OR perhaps even, is it possible to maybe swap with someone that you know?  It’s just me thinking aloud here, but if you were to swap, doing this with a male friend may be the way to go, just in case of any future issue.

In regard to that, I’m guessing that you wouldn’t be aware of whether there could be any future issue or incident – as it may well be so unpredictable?

Again I hope you have options for support close by to you – not only for the house situation, but also for the upcoming court appearances as well.

Would love to hear back from you.

Neil

[Hoonlady]

Thank you for your replies. They were very welcome. To answer your questions, yes, I do have a husband, but I cannot talk to him too much about the situation as he's going through his own worries. (He feels he should have protected me. Since he'd been ill, he'd gone to bed and slept through the whole 20 minutes. I don't blame him in the least, but he sure does.) He is the only thing that gives me an illusion of safety at the moment.

The victims of crime counsellor was wonderful, but my allocated sessions are now finished. I don't know who to approach about getting more counselling.

Her illness is severe and not well controlled. We have lived in this house for nearly five years and while we've been here, this is the fourth episode where she has had to be hospitalised, though this is the only one where one of us has been attacked. The time before, her mother who's 88 had 2 black eyes, but swears she got them because she "fell over." I didn't believe her then and I don't now. I have had other reports from her sister who has told me she has attacked other people, too, including her own father after he went blind. (Her sister wants her in a supervised environment as she believes Helen is too dangerous in the general public. The police and I agree.) It seems she likes to pick on people she thinks are weaker than her. (I'm in my 60's, so no spring chicken.)

I believe there's some support worker who'll be with me in court, but I haven't heard much about it yet. I don't even know how to find out.

I have a horrible feeling that the only way to cope with the stress is to go to stay with friends or family, but that is difficult, seeing we don't know how long this will be for and, as I said, the only safety I know of at the moment is my husband.

By the way, she is known for driving at people, including the police. Even going for a walk has become impossible.

My friends have been wonderful, but there is a limit to how much moaning they will - or should - put up with and they've been putting up with six month's worth. They have got enough worries of their own.

After all this, I have to thank you for listening.

[Neil_1]

Dear Hoonlady

Thank you so much for your latest response.

It certainly sounds like an almost volatile situation and that she is a volcano that could erupt at any time.  Also with her track record, it’s interesting that the police don’t have more power to take over the situation.  Considering they’re of a similar thought for having this lady put into some secure and cared-for environment – and her sister is even of the same opinion.  But that could be a difficult path to go down, and one that I have no experience in how to advise on this.

It is very pleasing to read that you have your husband for support and I can only think that the two of you have really had to be there for each other over the past months and more.

I’m really glad that you’ve reached out here and I hope that in some small way this is helping.

I have no doubt that you’ll be receiving other responses as well, and hopefully some of them may be a bit more helpful than what this one has been.  I more or less just wanted you to know that you’re in our thoughts and that this situation can be worked out in some fashion very soon for you.

Kind regards

Neil