Jealousy over other's happiness

[gucia6]

Hi all,

Recently I have been trying to cope with a strange jealousy. I am not even sure how to name it. And I think it is completely unreasonable.

The thing is, that I am jealous of the teenagers in my community, all the support they receive from the adults, friends they are surrounded with. For some reason it throws me to time when I was a teenager and didn't have any of it. Instead I had verbally and emotionally abusive mother, passive father, violent partner and bunch of bullies at school.

And they are lovely kids, I am also going to support them as much as I can, and they did absolutely nothing to me, and I am not going to pour any of my frustration with my past on them, because it would be completely unfair. It's just this pain inside me, that is annoying me.

I wonder if anyone experienced similar feeling, and how are you managing it?

[therising]

Hi gucia6

It's definitely exciting when you begin to find the people you best vibe with. Such people bring out the best in us: The joker, the philosopher, the wonderer, the adventurer, the lateral thinker (who thinks outside the square) etc. They have the potential to show to us our natural self. I've found it's a powerful thing, to find out who you naturally are. It can take years to meet the right people who have the ability to do this for us.

I am happy to say I am both needy and an attention seeker in the most constructive of ways. If I need excitement in my life, in order to maintain good physical and mental health, I will fulfill this need. Who do I need to share the experience with? What kind of experience do I need? When do I need to do this? The list goes on. So much need, hey 🙂 It's always important to get a sense of what we need. Attention seeking can be a constructive way of maintaining good mental health. I've had those moments which resemble 'Hey, wake up, I'm over here!!! You remember me, your wife/mum/sister/friend etc, who's always there for you when you need attention. My turn, I really need your attention. I'm feeling pretty challenged at the moment and I can't manage this challenge alone'. Sometimes, it's vital to get someone's attention. Nothing wrong with that.

Ahh, what it is to 'be in 2 minds'. It can get pretty torturous at times. You can be left thinking 'Which one do I believe; the one that tells me I'm amazing or the one that tells me I'm pathetic?' I've come to see one mind as the conditioned mind and the other as the open mind through which inspiration comes in. So, while we've been conditioned to believe a whole lot of stuff about our self and the world (a lot of it highly questionable), we can be living under a lot of those conditions. Eg: If I want to be liked, I can't upset anyone. We become a 'people pleaser', at a cost to our self at times. Many of our relationships become somewhat conditional. When inspiration kicks in, BAMM, the story can change, big time: 'Why are you pleasing everyone, even those who treat you poorly?' Though inspiration presents a painful question, it remains a valid one. Suddenly, you can be thinking 'Why am I pleasing everyone, when I should be pleasing myself at times? To hell with people, I'm going to start pleasing myself more'. Thanks inspiration! So, you please yourself more, you're much happier and you hear inspiration again, 'You're amazing, gucia6!'

An open mind is a liberating thing.

🙂

[gucia6]

Wow, your words are ... I don'tknow... mind blowing, in positive way. I will have to print this post and read and re-read it over and over. I like it. Thanks.

And you mentioned a big one for me currently:

therising said:

Hi gucia6When inspiration kicks in, BAMM, the story can change, big time: 'Why are you pleasing everyone, even those who treat you poorly?'

Maybe at the moment it is not about the pleasing, but about kindness.

I feel 'assaulted' with all the positive messages to act with kindness, be kind, kindness everywhere and for everyone. And it makes me feel bad, and that I am a horrible person, because I just cannot bring myself to be kind to some people. I mean, do I really have to be kind to my abusers from the past, to people who pushed me into such despair that I wanted to end it all, to people who at present show similar characters? I am rather avoiding them and with any contact I am only polite enough, but I am not able to even think of doing anything kind. As example my parents. I decided I need to cut the contact, at least for now, because they didn't accept my request for space I asked for, they bent the boundaries over and over again, as they always did. But with this saying 'no' I know it upsets them, and my act is unkind, and if I started speaking of kindness I would feel like a complete hypocrite.

I know that my emotions at the moment are pretty raw and fresh, and I need time to sort it out in my head.

[therising]

Hi gucia6

Hmmm, yes, the questionable people. They are definitely a challenge, hey. Myself, don't know whether I'm doing it right or not (life) but it always feels right to question the questionable people, as opposed to automatically being kind to them. By the way, it's incredibly easy to be kind to kind people. Takes no effort at all.

Up until the last year or so, I would have been described by most people as 'really nice and easygoing', now opinions differ. Some would now describe me as 'difficult', 'challenging' or even 'a bit of a b***h'. I've found this to be a consequence of questioning questionable people, out loud. When we're naturally wonderful, you have to expect wondering out loud is going to trigger people. 'I wonder why you're being so thoughtless in this case', 'I wonder why you're behaving like such an a-hole' or 'I wonder why you feel you can say whatever you want, without first considering me as a sensitive person'. Maybe it's the natural trouble maker in me who's come to enjoy wondering out loud at people sometimes 🙂

With wondering and questioning, I do have a filter. I know it may not sound like it. I'm big on paying attention to inspiration. Inspiration, in some cases, may sound a little like this: 'I know you want to say it but don't. Whatever you do, don't say what you want to say to this person. It's going to come back to bite you in the butt'. 99% of the time I'll listen to inspiration but, heck, that 1% is just too much to keep to myself.

I've come to find that questioning will trigger people in one of two ways, 1) they'll either become instantly defensive or 2) they'll become more conscious of their behaviour and choose to grow through that new degree of consciousness. Basically, it's their choice. I find, reasonable people will typically seek reason for their questionable behaviour. This is how you can naturally spot reasonable open minded people, not defensive closed minded ones.

Myself, I invite people to question my behaviour. This is partly how I grow out of being my old self, into an ever evolving new self. Inviting my teenagers to question my behaviour as often as they'd like is what has led me to be a better mum, a far more conscious one. My kids raise me well.

My opinion, you don't have to automatically be kind to people who are better off being questioned.

🙂

[Guest_1643]

Hey Gucia - sorry to read that about ur parents...i was thinking about it - if we have to show compassin to abusive ppl -straight away I thought no, - they don't deserve it -

i don't know if that's mean... I think if it makes you in any way vulnerable to them hurting you - then it's okay to not show kindness to them

The no 1 is to show kindness to yourself - that is the hard one.