Introduction - Hello Everyone

[Guest_498]

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum. I'd like to introduce myself. I'm 40 years of age, female. My interests include music (any genre), reading a great novel, watching comedy, Restuaranting, and learning new things. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Depression feels very lonely for me. I'd like to reach out for some support. Thank you.

[monkey_magic]

Sounds like he def wants to go there.

You can either be straight with him and let him know you are only going to be flatmates or keep him guessing or cross the line.

Which ever way it goes I've got my cuppa and pop corn ready, lol.

[ecomama]

Bluberry said:I didn't want to mention this yesterday with yoi guys, but im not too sure how to take this. My flatmate said to me as he was getting ready for his bike ride:
Him: when you didn't come home last night, I got jealous. Me: what, youre jealous? Are you jealous? Dont be. Him: yea, I am.
Hes probably just mucking around.

Lol at that point I would have asked what his girlfriend would think of that?

"Begin with the end in mind" is a great Stephen Covey value that fits there in my mind only.

But it's up to you how you go on with it all, you know that.

I'm feeling pretty ordinary after the dentist's appt this morning. NOT comfortable.
Another one this Friday and I'm thinking that one will be alot worse.
Ah well nothing to be done about it now.

Onwards and upwards girls!

EMxxxx

[ecomama]

LOLOL @ monkey!

You were posting at exactly the same as me... popcorn oh Lordy be lololol!!

[Guest_498]

Ems, Sleepy, thanks for your kind, beautiful words. Yes, I'm slowly, slowly trying to get myself out there to meet new people and forming a 'tribe'. Trust will be an issue for me though - this part is NOT going to come easy for me, unfortunately. I'm terrified.

Sleepy, you said: so exciting and i feel like it's a reflection of u - to have a smart, well-educated, interesting and interesting friend - he sees that in you too i'm sure. Gay men have given me the best compliments of my life. And they're true - so take every word he said and believe it wholehearedly, Blubs" - Thank you Sleepy... I'm trying to slowly get my confidence back. Getting there. 🙂

Lol naughty Monkey .. cuppa tea & popcorn, hey?? Ahahaha. You said:"You can either be straight with him and let him know you are only going to be flatmates or keep him guessing or cross the line". - IDK WHAT TO DO WITH HIM?!!!!! I want to soooooo cross the line BIG TIME. lol. Badly. I wish he wasn't so goddamn CUTE, that's the thing. Would make my life much easier, that's for sure.

xx

[Guest_498]

Sleepy, it's never ok with me when it comes to my family. I do what I can in order to cope but, its never ok. You have your own family problems too (none is worse than the other) and I understand how hard it is to try cope. It's one of the worse pains ever. It hurts so badly.

Ems, I'm sorry to hear about your dental pain. Hope it'll abate for you, soon my dear. Glad you got to reunite with p.son & his GF again!! Great to hear 🙂

x

[ecomama]

Hey Blubes

Thanks for that dear... more to come but don't get the popcorn lol!

Re: making new friends etc.... I felt so FREE when I just knew I would never trust anyone 100% again. It was a real positive for my life. See Brene Brown because she actually advocates this on one level... every single person will probably leave us in one way or another, it's really a part of the "shared human experience".

So once I got that under my belt I was much better about it all.

I have another saying "We're born alone and we'll die alone so whoever we meet along the journey is great!" (and NOT great too at times lol).

Not relying on others to be true to their word, feeling the independence of this is empowering.

Definitely NOT sharing our inner most selves, experiences etc is a must for us who've survived abuse. Generally others just don't understand it at all.

But we do.

So once you work this out ie take the TIME to very slowly invest some of your time if you choose to is another positive thing.

Flattie?
I have ZERO advice there lol as I said before, I'm more concerned about the legal wrangle potential of ANY live in relationship so I stay well away.

BF and I have already nutted out lots, if not all, of our pre-nup but this should be expected at our grand ages lol!! (Btw he was against it AT FIRST because it showed a measure of mistrust but I talked him round and he sees the sense in it now).

Love EM

[ecomama]

Hey Blubes

How you doin?

I apologise for not responding to the "phoning your mum and leaving a message" part of your post a bit back.

Has there been any response?

I remember she made some masks and dropped them over a long while back.

Just checking in with how you're feeling about it all.

I can't imagine it's pleasant.
Sorry for bringing it up if you're not wanting to talk about it atm.

Love EM

[Guest_1643]

hi Blubs i'm sorry ur mum responded that way

its heartbreaking

[Guest_1643]

sorry i mean just her response in general not to that message

in terms of not having xmases or the family closeness

My mother doesn't listen to a word I say - When i saw her she kept manipulating me and asking me questions - i said i didn't come here to ask questions... pause... her mind ticks... "Ok but this isn't a question it's a statement..." lol and then she rephrases her nosey question as a statement.?!

I told her I don't want that to happen again - I don't want her to bombard me when I see her - she then went crazy "I can say or do what I want, I'm a person, only a human, I can't control what I say, I get to say whatever I want..."
ANd ten she said very pointedly "Okay I'll try...but I can't promise anything... I can say what i want"
Sounds like she's really going to try lol.
Sounds like she could care less, actually and is already on the offence no matter what I say about her own rights and freedoms and liberties to just let it all out there and say whatever word comes to her mind.

[ecomama]

It's sad Sleepy but I'm so happy you've put some distance and boundaries in place there.

This part of our lives gets easier the more we understand their personality types and the better our boundaries are.

I'm NC as you all know. But I only went NC 20y after the first Counsellor TOLD me to go Low to No Contact. It took me calling the police to struggle with NC for the next 10y.

But I was extremely enmeshed.

Hey lovely Blubes and every lovely peep!!

How are you all doing?

I bit the bullet and called TWO whole aunties last night LOL! I was a bit nervous.
But they answered (one eventually) and we had a nice chat.

That's the extent of me reaching out to anyone on my mother's side whatsoever over the Merry Season.
One aunty is pretty much destitute relying on her family to support her in every way after a natural disaster destroyed her home with no Insurance in Feb this year.

I can't do anything for her when I've got my own SELF and my own tribe needing so much care atm and prob for always lol.

BOUGHT A Christmas Tree last night and now the last of my stuff in the loungeroom corner needs to GET out before I can put the tree up!! Hopefully over the weekend - but I have some major dental work on Friday and I still haven't recovered from the work done LAST Friday.

IDK... it's a tad triggering tbh. Emergency medical stuff re: my babies births, and totally unnecessary crap during the pregnancies is being triggered.

But I'm resting on the side that this dentist knows what he's doing lol... here we go again trying to TRUST someone. Yah don't have much of it.

But the pain is reducing so he must be doing something right lol.

Love you guys, hope you're all doing okay?

EMxxxx