Introduction - Hello Everyone

[Guest_498]

Hi all,

I'm new to this forum. I'd like to introduce myself. I'm 40 years of age, female. My interests include music (any genre), reading a great novel, watching comedy, Restuaranting, and learning new things. I suffer from depression and anxiety. Depression feels very lonely for me. I'd like to reach out for some support. Thank you.

[Guest_1643]

hey Blubs -

a psychologist told me once there are ebbs and flows because its tiring - so you can crash. I related to that. It's not quite depression, not quite anxiety, i feel like hyper aware and concerned and invested in things and then get to the point where i check out - because it's too much. I actually have a block with researching ptsd because I'm scared i'll find out too much - so i just ask directly to people i trust to explain it to me - so far I saw an expert psychiatrist for an assesment and also a trauma sensitive psycholog as well.
The psychiatrist explained that when I was experiencing an abusive parent my brain would try and get me safe - to do certain mental gymanstics - but they aren't exactly effective. I would avoid or shut down. I know what you mean about triggers - I am happy you are having less. I was diagnosed only this year and also told i dont fit into it exactly but close enough.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Blubs and EM I got like a tall high vase and a fatter little vase - lol - both white but they have small dtailing on them. They sit there on my fireplace like two best friends. I hope they will work - I have no idea lol. Blubs - Do u mean like a modern style clock, not antique? that sounds really gorgeous. I think people often hook up with flat mates - i've only lived with one man and he usd to dance around naked in his underwear and i had no attraction to him whatsoever. He was a terrible dancer. Lol.
Blubs you are in a better position at least your flatmate can cook and can afford to buy a dinner.
Re being diagnosed - for me it was okay to have that info about myself but took seeing a doctor who really knew his stuff to talk to me about PTSD. So many of them miss it.

[ecomama]

Bluberry said:Ems, Ems, Ems .. Darling, ever-so-sweet Ems. This isn't a DATE. It's just dinner with my flatmate. It came about in the first week he was here whereby we were watching the news and a convo about the U.S election took place. We discussed the two candidates and he knew how much I hated Trump but he couldn't see Biden winning. I disagreed. So he said that if Trump loses, he'll take me out to dinner. Lol. Thats it, missy. You're reading too much into it. Flatmates do go out & hang together if they get along, you know. Shock horror, Ems ppl do that.
As for his friend whos a girl, I don't ask questions and he doesn't talk about her. Its their business. Not my business. Last time I said something, he was dismissive so Ive never brought it back up.
Yes, hes cute. Yes we get along. Yes, we have chemistry. And yes, Id like to do .. to him but, yeh, we're just good flatmates. End of story.

Me thinks the lady dost protest too much....

Oh Blubes, I'm just jibing you!

I know flatmates go out together, I never lived with one who I DIDN'T go out places with.
I'm trying to forget about that WHOLE set of experiences many moons ago lol.

I'll have tenants one day in our "bungalow" lol, God Willing.
Gotta BUILD the thing first! LOL. (BF is beginning designs for it off my hand drawn plans this weekend, he's got a super program he can do the plans to scale in 3D.. wowsers lol).
Maybe overseas students boarders downstairs probably after that.

All good!

Love EM

[Guest_498]

The vases sound absolutely beautiful. I would go one tall & one smaller one myself. Great minds think alike.
Yes, a modern silver (square) one or a hybrid. There are beautiful modern silver ones with an antique inspired top handle - theyre usually done as french inspired. Theyre really classy. I love them. Search for them on Ebay, you'll be able to find one. The hybrid with go with both antique & modern decor. Its super classy. Hope this helps.

[ecomama]

Hi Sleepy!

YES! My coffee date on Thursday is with the older ladies I met last week. It'll be FUN!
Well we got into D & Ms almost immediately so hit it off, the 3 of us all together. They had stories of DV with their first husbands that would make your hair curl - maybe not. But they used old fashioned language to describe the DV like "a very angry man" etc.
Plus their dogs.
Hence me taking my poodle. :-))

Sleeps, I hope you don't mind me saying this but the PTSD and complex form IS a form of anxiety but with stratospheric reactions. Similar to anxiety but OUT OF THIS WORLD.
My psych this year said that usually she meets her clients years after she would've preferred to (go figure) and by the time they present to her, they also have depression.

It usually takes her 18 months working with a patient to get depression under control and it's only THEN that she feels it's time to begin on the PTSD or C-PTSD.

She said she'd have to go a long way back in her records to find another patient who DIDN'T present WITH depression at the onset.

I didn't.
But I know depression so well.
It took me many years to beat it, maybe 10y but I had to do it all by myself. We were too poor for any help. demon wanted it that way.

I have to watch my mood somewhat closely re: depression bec it can sweep right in and take hold so quickly.

So it's common to have BOTH depression and anxiety OR both depression and PTSD.

Nice news you shared with me via Kristen Neff is that SELF-CARE HELPS ALL of the above.
Research proves it.

So hooray for those vases!
They sound super sweet and classy.

Did you find a cushion you wanted to get?

Love EM

[Guest_498]

I'm lovibg how youre now referring to it as a bungalow, not cabin. Cabin is so American!! Good girl.
Yes, the idea of getting students in there sound amazing. Hurry your fiance up with that!
LOL Sleepy, dancing around in his jocks? Eww. Lol. Hmm perhaps if he was hot, mightve been a different sight!! Lol.
Speaking of which, my flattie got bit cheeky yesterday. 
Moving on ...

[Guest_498]

Monkey, good for you. A motel with pool & spa .. Omg, sounds extremely relaxing! Im soo jealous! You deserve pampering.
Yeh take your time with looking for a place, so long as your mum and relationship holds up. Be careful not to be around her too often every 3 weeks or so.
Yes, horrid ppl are everywhere. In workplaces, family homes, flatties, etc. Its hard to meet & find good, honest ppl. I just find a lot of ppl like to cause problems, dramas wherever they go. Why? I don't understand it. I keep to myself, mind my own business and get on with my day. Im happy this way, theres no need for shite. Lifes too short, I say.

[Guest_498]

Ems, thanks for the insight into ptsd, depression & anxiety. Ive been diagnosed with depression years ago and its now heading into 5 years of its absolute worst. Im working my way through to beat this on my own. It gets very lonely. Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world, for me anyway.
Anxiety I can identify and do have. Ptsd I believe I have, though Im still trying to self diagnose. Possibly do have it. I feel as if I do.
 

[ecomama]

Bluberry said:Ems, thanks for the insight into ptsd, depression & anxiety. Ive been diagnosed with depression years ago and its now heading into 5 years of its absolute worst. Im working my way through to beat this on my own. It gets very lonely. Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world, for me anyway.
Anxiety I can identify and do have. Ptsd I believe I have, though Im still trying to self diagnose. Possibly do have it. I feel as if I do.

Hi Blubes

There was a quote put on the "Quotes I like" thread only yesterday I think that described loneliness (and other stuff) really well.

There's a HUGE difference between 'being alone' and loneliness.

Liking our own company etc etc is really different.

I haven't met anyone who likes loneliness, it's a disconnection.

Anyway I spoke with SO MANY helpline Counsellors earlier in the year, trying to get just ONE to say "No way could you have PTSD" lol... oh I tried!
But when one said "NO way could you NOT have PTSD with all you've been through" I accepted it.

Alexa had observed me "dissociating" and that was a HUGE red flag for worsening MH issues.

I had to nip that in the bud (after the phone psych said that).
So I sought that trauma psych.

I couldn't have continued the way things were, they were only getting worse, no matter what I did ie shutting my world down, shutting 'the world' out as much as possible etc.
My strategies were exhausted.
THIS was untreated PTSD for me. I describe it better on my thread.

With the works of Brene Brown, Kristen Neff, Dr Joe, and my psych, I went far further than she wanted and "RECONNECTED" with those old friends I loved who I felt were "safe".
My goal (amongst many) was 1 phone call per week.

Then came the weird world of getting better... another topic ALL TOGETHER.. hard to manage!

My colleagues are now SO MUCH more relaxed around me & my kids are more able to open up to me.

Love EM

[ecomama]

RE: bad flatties / bad people

The major thing I learnt during the Courses and billions of pages of reading lol, was to TRUST MY INSTINCTS.

Such a strange thing for a Govt approved Course to recommend!
But it was there in black and white.
The Counsellors facilitating the Course answered so many questions about this.

Basically during abuse and copping the abusive behaviours like gaslighting, mind-effing, smoke screening, rug sweeping, we deny our instincts.

I think a normal person basically WANTS to see the best in others.
As Sleepy said we must look at their ACTIONS and not listen to their words.

And the famous educator Stephen Covey said "We judge other people's action with our OWN intentions".
That's a danger right there.

We just can't do this.

People on the 'evil' side of the spectrum ALWAYS have very different intentions to what we have, even though some of their actions could be SEEN to be 'good'. It's usually to manipulate.

Anyway the Course also recommended that a woman who's been abused either by family or by past relationships, should wait and observe a new partner for minimum 2 years before making any more serious moves within the relationship.
Abusers move fast.
They use "love bombing" and can hold a facade up for a very long time.

Heading to work now lol.

Have a great day everyone!

Love EM