I have no one to talk to

[Debbiedoo]

Hi, I have written a post before but these images are come more often.

I was given the usual tablets for depression and anxiety and also self medicated with alcohol, I have not had a drink for 2 weeks and now I’m have flashbacks of my father abusing me .

Im trying to move on from these but they just keep coming.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Debbiedoo,

One thing that may help you with flashbacks is Pete Walker’s website. He is a psychotherapist who specialises in complex childhood trauma. We are not allowed to provide direct website links here, but if you google “Pete Walker 13 steps flashbacks” the first thing that comes up should be a link to this section of his website for steps in handling flashbacks. I get them too and while reading these steps doesn’t necessarily take the flashbacks all away, it can make them easier to handle and to become more grounded and in the present. Even if it just takes the edge off then it may be helpful.

I am trying to be really kind and nurturing to myself when I get flashbacks. I know it is easy to get lost in them. I also try to remind myself they will pass and although they can reoccur, I try to ground myself in the present. I find spending time in nature really helps with this. I know it can be hard though. I’m trying to grow an inner parent that can take care of my inner child at the moment so that I can comfort and protect myself and let myself know I’m safe. I’m wondering if you can tap into part of yourself that can care for your inner child.

I also wonder if you have any sources of support? If you do some counselling it helps to find someone who is really sensitive to and knowledgeable about developmental childhood trauma. I have called The Blue Knot Foundation helpline a number of times and found them very good. They focus on complex childhood trauma and in particular safety and stabilisation. So they know how to talk you through and be present with you when in a flashback. Their phone number is 1300 657 380 and they are available 7 days a week from 9am to 5pm, eastern states time. They can talk to you once a week for up to 45 minutes. Some days they are busy so it might be 30 minutes and there can be a waiting time in the phone queue. But you can also leave a message and they’ll call you back in 48 hours if you prefer.

 I hope maybe that is of some practical help. Sending you support and kindness,

Eagle Ray

[Eagle Ray]

P.S. I meant to say feel free to keep chatting here too. We are listening.

[Debbiedoo]

Hi Eagle Ray ,

Im so sorry that you are having these also . I will definitely google the link and do all the steps also talking to someone would help me.

Who  really wants to know about what I remember, I’m sure it’s confronting and the only people I have mentioned this to are my sister and husband and they are supportive but really don’t know how to deal with it .

 I spoke to a psychiatrist once and told her but nothing came of it and I’ve been left feeling deflated.

I have read that seeing this in the third person is called disassociation , which then tells me it actually happened which then sends me spiraling and I feel like calling my father to confront him but know he will deny it and it will only make it all worse.

I really would like to thank you for replying and the advice you have given me. I will follow it all up .

thank you again.

Debbiedoo.

[Eagle Ray]

Hello Debbiedoo,

You may be able to find a psychologist who is trauma-informed and sensitive to the issues you’ve been through. It’s really important to find someone you click with. I had to try a few to find one who felt right. Interestingly I didn’t open up about some aspects of my experience to the earlier ones as I think I sensed they were not the right fit to work with me. Even my current one I haven’t told everything I’m struggling with and time will tell if I share certain things. I think it’s important for you to know that you are always in control of what you share. There’s a few different approaches to integrating difficult childhood memories that can help to alleviate the distress around them including flashbacks. But it’s important to go gently and only go into things if and when you feel ready. I’ve done some somatic work with my psychologist working through the body which has been helpful. She has suggested EMDR which is about integrating difficult memories but I haven’t felt up to doing it yet.

Yes, I know what you mean about the third person thing. It’s how our bodies protected us at the time and it can happen to us later in life when triggered. I think it has helped me understanding that this is a natural self-protection mechanism the body does. It’s actually a healthy adaptive response to unhealthy circumstances, but can become stressful over time with triggers and flashbacks. Grounding techniques can definitely be helpful to bring us back safely into our bodies in the here and now.

 I can understand the feeling of wanting to confront your father but also the problems and stress it could create for you. At this point you may just want to focus on beginning to find support for yourself in processing your experiences. If you wanted to look at options regarding dealing with what occurred in terms of formally addressing the abuse, 1800RESPECT would probably be good people to talk to for advice. Their website may be helpful to look at too. However, it sounds like just being really gentle with yourself right now and beginning your healing journey is the most important thing for you at the moment.

Take good care and know there are various sources of support out there and that you are not alone,

ER