I don't think I'm strong enough...

[Solosombra]

Rape, abuse, forced into religion early, high expectations from a iron fisted farther, famous cousins I'm constantly being measured against, a life time of regrets at 26, losing a baby, cheated on twice, craving love/companionship but to scared to trust anyone again ever, work, siblings that look up too me but I just want to hide from the world in my own corner. I need strength but I'm too damn weak. Why? Why am I not strong enough to deal with this anymore? Usually I can find the strength I need by helping others but that's starting to not work and its scaring me so much. I've never hit a low like this before and it feels like quicksand everything I do backfires in my face.

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Guess we're learning together how to seek and accept help, Kiamau. Good thing we have people like Carol to remind us it's okay, huh? 🙂

[Solosombra]

Yes we are fortunate indeed to have kind souls like carol to help remind us.

One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the amount of people on bb who have so much to deal with themselves but are genuinely wanting to help others too

[Clues_Of_Blue]

It's our own struggles that make us understanding of others, and give us insight into what will help. We know what it is we need, and so can give the right thing in turn. We want to feel useful and save others some of the pain we've been through, ourselves. Added to that, what use our own hurt and the lessons we learn if we can't use it to do something decent? If we can't help ourselves, just maybe we can make someone's life a bit better.

[Lost_Girl]

Well now I need to fess up. I am all good asking for advice or help here but in real life even with all my friends offering I really only accept help if I am desperate. Although that doesn't include hubby and my medical team.

You're right Blue as you have said a few times, I am known as the strong one by friends. I am the person people turn to so they are quite shocked when I do show any weakness or show that I need help.

I am getting better at it but by bit. It is a fundamental change of who I am. I am guessing it would be the same for you both. Baby steps. Here is a nice safe place to reach out.

Here for you both.

[Guest_5218]

Kiamau my friend! Always so nice to see you. I have been having a bit of a break the past 10 days or so, but I was just having a quick look this morning and saw your posts from overnight.

I am so very sorry you are doing it so tough right now, my heart breaks for you. When does your soul get a break you ask? Soon I hope Kiamau ... very soon.

This is only a very brief message Kiamau I'm sorry. I really just wanted to let you know that I havent forgotten you, I am thinking of you often, and I want you to finally find some peace and comfort in your life.

My good friends Blue and Carol are wonderful arent they? I see they have been taking good care of you in my absence. Thanks guys.

Much love to you Kiamau. I also want of your special hugs Kiamau - I really could use one right now. (-:

Sherie xx

[Solosombra]

Ah sherie its good to hear from you my friend i hope the break has done you some good?

Yes they are 🙂 they have been very kind to check on me.

thank you for your msg aswell and sending a big hug back to you xx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Hey Kiamau, are you feeling a little better today? Still pretty exhausted and strung out, myself, but in light of that wouldn't want to leave you alone with it if you're feeling the same. Thinking of you.

Blue.

PS Thanks Sherie, for the kind words.

[Solosombra]

Hey blue.

Its not so bad today as ive been too busy helping my bro to worry about myself today which im not sure is good or not?

But thank you for checking up on me today 🙂

I hope that things pick up for you too soon, it might not be much but im all ears anytime you need a set to listen to you.

wishing you the best

Kiamau

[Guest_5218]

Hi Kiamau. Glad you are feeling a little better tonight. What have you been helping your brother with?

Umm, yeah keeping busy is a distraction, and its a good thing I think. It takes our minds off other things for a while.

Sherie xx

[Clues_Of_Blue]

Distraction can be a good thing sometimes, as long as you don't forget to look after you. It's when you don't freak out in the quiet moments that you know you've got a handle on things. Unfortunately, not me at the moment. Not sure you should shoulder the burden of my worries on top of your own, my friend, or that I have the energy to relate them again. I've talked myself out somewhat on my threads today, but they are heavy reading and not recommended material. Suffice it to say, just your offer of a friend to listen if I need it is of value in itself. Of course, it is always mutual.

Blue.