How to move on

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

I've not been around for a while. It has been quite an interesting year since May last year. I've struggled quite a bit with Complex PTSD, BPD Depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and grief.

Where to from here? I have been stuck for a while with little energy to move on and not much of an idea how to move on anyway. It is hard when my mind decides it wants to disconnect as that feels safer and then I wander through each day like a person in a movie set, just pretending. Empty. Distant.

Anyone else have trouble getting from one day to the next, waking up in the morning and wondering what on earth you are going to do with that day? At least at work I know I need to be there and have a rough idea what I am supposed to be doing!

I wrote more here and deleted it. I have reached out for help in so many places. Maybe I am just too broken to be fixed. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I just need to be more grateful for all I do have and continue to stuff my issues down inside of me hoping they don't find a way to the surface anymore.

The last psychologist I saw told me I need to buy new curtains for the house, a comfortable chair to sit in and new pictures for the walls! Oh yes, that will certainly help with the CPTSD, BPD, Suicidal thoughts, past traumas and unresolved grief that all come uninvited to attack my mind. Why didn't I think of doing that earlier! I don't need a psychologist I need thousands of dollars and an interior designer!

How to move on? I am open to suggestions!

[Doolhof]

Hi Topsy,

Thanks, I appreciate your kind words and prayers.

It is tough when you feel like no one cares, so thanks for the reminder that someone does care.

Yes I am overwhelmed and have felt that way for a while. I try really hard to find ways to relax and to accept life then something else comes along and my resilience in low.

I need to "re-charge my batteries" but seem to be struggling to find ways to do that in a way that I feel sustained past the activity.

Thanks again for your words, I greatly appreciate them. Cheers form Dools

[quirkywords]

Dools and everyone reading,

I think when we struggle or suffer we find it hard to find a way out of dense jungle of fears and complex thoughts.

we hope for an easy path out but sometimes we have to keep trying or even just sit and a knowledge what we are experiencing.

Sorry for the imagery. I feel we look for answers but maybe it is the journey we must experience however painful.

Dools your words speak to me and I offer you support and to listen.

[Guest_1643]

Hi Dools

i'm sorry for ur struggles

PTSD is complex and difficult and i think, tiring? Exhausting?
how to move on.... i don't know if maybe moving on is needed. How to accept where we are maybe? i don't know, just spitballing....
How can i be here in this moment and okay with myself is something i fight with everyday. No motivation or very little and then berating myself and not knowing why I can't just do what others can do. Letting things be helps me more... if that makes sense. Sitting with it...

Staying well is hard, PTSD is hard, but u dont have to walk it alone. Sharing here is really inspiring and a beautiful step. Thank u for inviting us to join this conversation, and talking about what u struggle with. There's an army of ppl behind you, who go through the same and want to help.

[Doolhof]

Hey Quirky,

I understand what you are saying here, but I am over experiencing this kind of journey! I want to find the off switch for negativity and suffering for a while until I gain some more energy and a better perspective on how to deal with this stuff.

I have a shelf full of self help books I have read and have written copious notes. How to I get my brain to go from reading the material, understanding it to actually putting it into practise so I don't keep feeling like I am falling off the edge?

A quote I read this morning stated to keep going no matter how stuck you feel. How do you do that? How do I get unstuck? I am trying. Some days stuck is stuck.

I accept I am struggling. Now what? I'm trying. Just don't know how or where to from here.

Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Sleepy, Quirky and All,

Thanks for sharing your thoughts here too Sleepy, okay so maybe I just need to accept this is how I am feeling, stuff has happened, it has affected me, this is where I am at right now, it is okay to not be okay and not be so hard on myself.

Sounds okay when I write it...just need to put that into action!

I don't like feeling this way. I wish I could change how my mind works. I want to be happy and content. I want to laugh again. I want to see the good in life, to actually feel connected to the pleasant stuff.

Maybe fighting the negatives is too tiring. Maybe with all this battling my own thoughts I am not allowing room for healing, peace of mind and acceptance!

Hey Sleepy, this conversation is certainly open to anyone who would like to join in. I know there are so many hurting, broken, confused and troubled souls out there looking for a different way of doing life.

Finding ways to better accept ourselves and how our minds are right now and share ideas on how to move on can benefit us all.

To all reading, I hope you find acceptance, a way to move forward and some peace. Kindest regards for your healing journey, from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Sleepy,

Regarding "spitballing" I had never heard that expression before apart from the obvious of being balls of paper combined with spit, so I Googled it and discovered "Spitballing is throwing out ideas for discussion, brainstorming and expressing solutions to a problem"

Okay, so let's spitball some suggestions on how to accept where we are at and move on if that is what we want to do.

Things I could try:

- accept some days don't feel all that good, work with what I have that day and don't be harsh on myself

- think about something I could do to help me feel better about the day

- go for a walk if possible and look around me, appreciating what I see

- find 3 things to be grateful for each day

- write down what is hassling me, see if I can find solutions using CBT

- have a cup of tea

- consider my attitude to how my day is going, what can I change to help me feel more relaxed right now.

Any ideas and suggestions are welcome! Sharing how you are travelling here is more than okay as well.

Cheers all from Dools.

[Guest_1643]

love it !

i think of spitballing like in a boardroom lol - probably saw it on a movie...love that i used it in the right way - at least 🙂

lets brainstorm for sure.

Self care strategies

Sitting in the sun and appreciating nature

developing and nurturing our interests and passions in small ways

also "bookmarking" - mentally finding and sourcing things to do in the future, even if i can't do it just yet

things to buy, experience, watch, read, learn about.... i'm doing that during lockdown 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Sleepy and All Reading,

I like your suggestions Sleepy. It is so easy for me to feel stuck when the low moods hit. Motivation seems to disappear and ideas on what to do take flight!

Some things that have been suggested to me in the past and that I immediately forget about when I start to free fall are:

- preparing a list of things I could do in advance to have handy on a not so cheerful day

-try and do something even when you don't feel like it, as it encourages the mind to find enjoyment and helps change thought patterns.

- distract the mind with reading, drawing, colouring in, cleaning out a cupboard or cooking .

I like the idea of bookmarking ideas for activities to do in the future! My list might include:

- buy a kite

- set up the tent in the back yard, even if it is just for a day time snooze

- pot some plants to give away

- find museums and art galleries to visit when able to

- walk along different streets in the town I drive through for work. ( might help with anxiety issues going to work if I am more relaxed when I arrive)

I'm feeling more inspired! Thanks everyone. I want to work on finding some small craft project that I can achieve easily and then hope to progress onto other projects.

Cheers all from Dools

[quirkywords]

Dools I like your list. I like your plan to prepare activities in advance.

[Doolhof]

Hi quirky,

The idea about planning things in advance was suggested by Sleepy.

When I start to sink into depression or my PTSD is triggered, it is really hard for me to figure out how to get through that moment let alone what I might be doing tomorrow.

Having a list of things to do is a great idea, gives me hope instead of being really stuck.

I was triggered by a phone call Monday that affected me deeply, I tried to come up with ways to deal with that. Reading then cleaning up a little helped with distraction until I was ready to consider what had been discussed.

Maybe I need to make a longer list and start checking some things off as I do them.

Cheers from Dools