How to move on

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

I've not been around for a while. It has been quite an interesting year since May last year. I've struggled quite a bit with Complex PTSD, BPD Depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and grief.

Where to from here? I have been stuck for a while with little energy to move on and not much of an idea how to move on anyway. It is hard when my mind decides it wants to disconnect as that feels safer and then I wander through each day like a person in a movie set, just pretending. Empty. Distant.

Anyone else have trouble getting from one day to the next, waking up in the morning and wondering what on earth you are going to do with that day? At least at work I know I need to be there and have a rough idea what I am supposed to be doing!

I wrote more here and deleted it. I have reached out for help in so many places. Maybe I am just too broken to be fixed. Maybe this is as good as it gets. Maybe I just need to be more grateful for all I do have and continue to stuff my issues down inside of me hoping they don't find a way to the surface anymore.

The last psychologist I saw told me I need to buy new curtains for the house, a comfortable chair to sit in and new pictures for the walls! Oh yes, that will certainly help with the CPTSD, BPD, Suicidal thoughts, past traumas and unresolved grief that all come uninvited to attack my mind. Why didn't I think of doing that earlier! I don't need a psychologist I need thousands of dollars and an interior designer!

How to move on? I am open to suggestions!

[Sophie_M]

Hi Doolhof, 

Welcome back to the forums and thank you for sharing your story and experiences with us here, it is a brave step along the journey to feeling better. It sounds like you are in a really tough place right now with some complex issues around depression, PTSD and suicidal thoughts, we are really sorry to hear that. It is great to see that you can so articulately explain the factors that are impacting you.

We think it would be a good thing to call one of our wonderful counseeling team on 1300 22 4636, they will be able to help you when you are feeling low and are brilliant at supporting people while they have a panic attack. 
If you prefer you can also call our friends at Lifeline 13 11 14 who are great as well.

Please feel free to drop back in and update us on how you are going if you feel comfrotable. 

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Doolhof]

Hi Sophie,

Thanks for the message, I appreciate your kind and encouraging words.

I'm really wanting to find ways to help myself. Self help books go so far. I read the material, can put some of it into practise then have difficulty working on the tough stuff myself as I don't really understand the complexities of all that is going on in my head and why.

Some of the Beyond Blue and Lifeline support people have been incredibly helpful, encouraging and caring.

Maybe trying to understand my issues and wanting a formula to be able to live with them more peacefully is not available.

Some days I am just stuck and don't know how to move forward. It is like my mind is just exhausted from trying.

I know there are so many things I can do to help myself, something just stops me from doing those things.

I am safe. I just need to encourage myself to keep going!

[Ggrand]

Hi Dear Dools..

I am so pleased to hear from you, at the same time struggling so much...

Dools..I have similar struggles to what you have spoken about....My only day of any structure is Tuesday’s...when I attend my volunteer work...every other day is waking up and not knowing what to do to fill the day in..instead of my usual internet games or sitting outside...

My Dr. on Tuesday asked me what I do the other 6 days..my answer was..”sitting around waiting for Tuesday”....This subject has been on going now for many years...no motivation because..No matter what I do..I don’t have a reason or purpose to do anything....

A few suggestions she gave me, was an hour of free online yoga, Tia chief or phalarties....No motivation to do those...she also mentioned a craft group, to learn how to make things and sell them online....too much work for me...maybe I’m lazy...idk...just seems like a waste of time for me....Then she mentioned beanies for cancer kids..the patterns are online..you make them them send to the organisation and they then hand them out for the poor little children struggling with cancer...This to me has a purpose and If I do do it..I will be helping someone in need....Unfortunately we had a mice plague out here...and while I was in hospital they decided to nest in my wool...now I need to buy some...

Those are just a few ideas, that you might want to look at...

As for living with PTSD..it’s really hard to manage the PTSD triggers...That’s what put me in hospital a month ago...They did teach me that if I hear something that down me..to immediately listen to something nice...if I see something that downs me..try to find something pleasant to look at...etc...etc...I always carry my Grounding packet with me in my bag...and have used it several times and it has helped me when I’m out and about doing my shopping...

Not sure Dear Dools..If I helped you at all..but I wanted to try to give you some ideas..,

My kindest thoughts always precious Dools..

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy,

Thanks for the chat and suggestions. I understand what you are explaining when you wrote it is hard to become involved in something when you don't feel like it has any value, purpose or sense of worthiness. That is a huge part of my issue.

I know my depression and probably the PTSD is adding to that feeling. I know it will be beneficial if I can find something I can become involved in to feel like I am contributing and making a difference.

Maybe I could find a crochet pattern for beanies for children and make some of those. My knitting is atrocious! Maybe that could be a challenge for me, try to learn to knit and see if I can make a beanie!

I'm currently reading a book called "You're not broken" about PTSD, I have not yet reached the part where the author suggests ways of helping yourself. It does explain PTSD, some of the explanations still confuse me.

I know my work is a trigger with so many people getting angry at me, not listening to what I am saying, discrediting the rules I am trying to recommend they need to adhere to due to Covid-19, and being down right nasty.

Their behaviour really sets off my flight flight freeze reactions. I wish those darn cave dwelling people were able to combat their fears and could have passed down better coping techniques!

I'm not all that good some days in controlling my reactions and actions triggered by past traumas that are re-ignited by people being nasty at me. Some days I really struggle to hold my tongue or to not flee my work place.

I try to tell myself I can be strong and I can cope.

Maybe trying to schedule and plan my days more constructively can be something I work on, starting tomorrow.

Hope you are doing okay Grandy, sorry to read you have been in hospital again. In saying that, I hope people there were supportive and able to help you.

Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

This morning I have been for a walk, showered and had a healthy breakfast. I'm heading off to work a bit later for half a day.

I am going to make a list of things I can do when I get home so I don't return and feel a bit lost as to what to do.

I will read more of the book I mentioned above, take notes and write the helpful bits in my journal for easy access when I need reminders of what will make a difference.

There is a blanket I have been crocheting for a while, I will work on getting that finished and then donate it to a charity for someone who will appreciate it.

Does anyone have any tips on how to find motivation when it seems to be in hiding?

Cheers all from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

Have any of you managed to find ways to deal with your PTSD, how to recognise your triggers and how to move on from them?

Have you found therapies that help you better understand PTSD and how to cope?

Have you found it beneficial to go back and look at the cause of trauma and to try and heal from those of do you just try to block those memories?

[Doolhof]

How do you move on from trauma when the source of the trauma repeatedly affects and attacks you?

Has anyone tried schema therapy? Have you found it helpful?

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Dools...

Its really good that you have been for an early morning? walk the other day....In the colder months I sit up longer as my house has been made warm and stay in bed until the frost has lifted....Too hard to warm an older fibro house with the frozen frost dripping from my house...looks lovely though..the little icicles sparking like crystals when the sun catches it.....

My GP...set me up with a Victims Counsellor, who understands a lot about PTSD caused by CSA and DV...which I feel is helping a bit...I have been told that my mind is stuck in...Fight, flight or freeze and it needs retraining so to say....Also she did tell me that unfortunately PTSD is here to stay, because it’s memories and memories cannot be dissolved.....most times t can be an ongoing daily struggle, which has no cure..because it was caused by trauma which then puts some/most into depression...

Dools, I try to daily to live my best life...I could say most days my PTSD isn’t even thought of by me..if it does pop into my mind, I let it go through peacefully and think of the positives around me...But if I get triggered into PTSD..that’s a lot different for me..I go down that quickly! almost instantly and hide myself from the world....That’s when I need professional care to help me to get back up....

I haven’t tried schema therapy...heard about it but that’s it...

Thats a beautiful idea donating the blanket you loving made to someone in need..,The beanie for cancer patients have some crocheted patterns as well...just thought I would let you know....

What are you up today...Dear Dools?...Please regardless of what your doing..please find time to just sit somewhere outside and breathe in the freshness of nature, while your listen to the Dear little birds sing their songs of joy for us..

Love to you precious friend...with my caring thoughts..

Grandy..

[Sophie_M]

Hi Doolhof, 

We are sorry to hear that you are having trouble with how to manage trauma. Trauma can be a complex and multifaceted part of our journey towards positive mental health and is something that is best managed with the support of a Mental Health professional. There are many great strategies and methods that are used that you could discuss with them. 

We have a place to start some learning if you want on our website, you can find the article n trauma here.

Thanks again for being a part of the community Doolhof and please feel free to drop back in with an update if you would like. 

Kind regards ,

Sophie M