Growing up too fast! *warning possible triggers*

[Solosombra]

All suffering in my life stems from my own incompetence...

This was the line feed to me the first time I was sexualy abused by my uncle at 12, I didn't understand it at the time but that moment has stuck with me throughout my life, he explained that if I were stronger or less ' gull able " that this would never have happened! Personally I believe this to be the occasion that changed my life and ended my childhood.

A year later and its time to go too my uncles house again for new years, my body breaks out into a sweat and I struggle too keep the contents of my stomach down as I think about the things he said and did.

At the time I wanted to scream in protest that I never want to go back there but the threat he made about my little brother and sister being next if I told anyone stopped me. I couldn't chance it even if he was bluffing I didn't want my siblings going through this too so I soldiered on in silence trying to get through the night without running into him

100 people would have been there easily so it wasn't to hard to disappear into the crowd of people once we got there and I was heading straight to my cousin Abel . older then me I knew he would have alcohol stashed away for later so I went and bought some off him with the money I earnt from work.

First time drunk I stumbel out of the car me and my cousin were drinking laughing I sneak to the shed were Abel had stashed the liquor. "Ah welp there you are* my uncles voice snaps me out of my drunken state as I ready to bolt I turn around too see a woman there with him.

Confused and not wanting to make a scene in case this lady caught on and then my uncle take it out on my brother and sister I poised myself and smiled and waved. The lady gave me a once over that made me nervous even at that age. " he is gonna be a big man that's for sure " stroking my cheek I knew what was coming she had the same look in her eyes my uncle did. Why the hell did I sneak back here to get alcohol for, back here where no one is around?

This was my second life defining moment.

[Solosombra]

Yeah i read a thread yesterday about profile pictures and how they help people connect when they see a picture of who they are talking too so I figured if I'm gonna do this I may as well put one up.

And thank you Sherie I don't see the handsome but I'm too grateful to argue the point haha.

I'm a baker so I'm up early I have thought about a career change like that but I feel as if I got too get myself together first.

Haha I will and a good day to you young lady

Kiamau x

[Guest_5218]

Oh Kiamau you are a charmer! Thankyou. This photo was taken about 38 years ago dont forget, so no longer a young lady! But I still look pretty similar. Let me reassure you though - you are a good looking guy!

Mmm, bakers hours are not easy. So Shelley at the Cafe wasnt too far off the mark when she suggested you may have been a chef? You will have to bring in some goodies to the Cafe to make us all start drooling! You will have to compete with Kanga who sometimes brings in things like pavlova, vanilla slices, lamingtons, etc. But of course thats more pastry chef stuff isnt it. What is your specialty, if you have one? I expect baking would be a pretty lonely career as well. Do you find that it is? I suppose it would depend on where you work though - ie large place or a small local bakery. I have known a few bakers, and they're all really nice people. I bit like butchers, they always seem to be such nice friendly people. Do you find that too?

Regarding a career change - I would keep that in mind if I were you. I think a counselling role would be something you'd be really good at (because you've been there and understand hardship), and probably enjoy (you have empathy with others, and care). Make some enquiries, then get yourself together. It could be a good incentive to get yourself right.

Today I do voluntary work at a nursing home in the nearby village. I visit an old lady there each Thursday, just to keep her company for an hour or two. And help out with activities etc when they have a staff shortage. I enjoy it.

Take care Kiamau, and you too have a good day.

Sherie xx

[Solosombra]

I'm sure you are still as pretty Sherie 🙂

Yes baker hours are a little topsy turvy, I'm up and at work by 3 in the morning and at about 11 when everyone is getting ready for morning tea/ lunch heading home for the day.

Baking sort of restricts you to seeing the same hand full of people everyday so it can get a little lonely at times but its not all bad.

Haha Shelley wasn't far off I don't have a specialty in baking yet I spent the last 5 years as a cook at hogs breath cafe and have just changed into baking this year but I do like making French pattesirie.

Oh I want to do some volunteer work too I just need to find time, I find that the elderly at nursing homes have some of the most fascinating life stories I love listening to people.

[Guest_5218]

Thanks Kiamau. I have been told I am pretty, but I cant see it. I think I am probably more what you'd call 'cute'? But that is sweet of you anyway, to say that.

Ahh Hogs Breath - great steaks, and the curly fries are pretty good too. Perhaps you can bring some of your favourite French pattisiries into the Cafe sometime? You will need to describe them though, so we know what we are eating! (-:

Yes old people are great and I love listening to all their old stories. Most of the time they are just very happy to have someone who will devote some time to them and listen to their stories. I have never been much of a talker, but I am a great listener.

Thinking about volunteer work, perhaps you could make some enquiries about becoming a mentor to troubled young people, or something along those lines. This could be something that would interest you. I know you dont have much free time, and have restrictive hours, but it may only be like a few hours once a week.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

Sherie xx

[pipsy]

Hi Sherie. I agree wholeheartedly that volunteer work is fabulous in that the feeling you get from helping someone less fortunate or an older age person gives you a 'lift'. With regards to Kiamua perhaps mentoring younger people, don't know what state he lives in, but he may need to enquire about a 'blue card' if he wants to work with younger people. I'm in Qld and 'blue cards' are a must for anything to do with younger people. The volunteer work I'm involved with means I assist the elderly and visibly impaired/mental health clients with shopping etc. Our company also visits the lonely, elderly at home for general talk, cuppa etc. When I joined the company I'm with, I had to get police clearance first as part of their policy. I don't drive, but I quite often assist the driver as well as shopping assistance. I don't do home visits either, that is optional and I chose against. It is rewarding, and the other volunteers work in well together. It's a great feeling to be accepted for yourself and not have to live up to someone else's ideals. Some of our clients have me in hysterics when they talk about their life history. You can learn a lot from the elderly and even those who live alone have a story.

Lynda.

[Solosombra]

Sherie: we are always our harshest critics bit trust me it is there 🙂

Yeah I love there curly fries haha, I'd be happy to bring some in one day I'll bring in all my favorite ones, and yes the older generation have awe inspiring stories I could listen to all day, the world sounded so different when you hear them speak of stories of mispsent youth haha.

Lynda: thanks Lynda for the information, I am currently living in queensland so its good to know about the blue card rule thank you, maybe later on in life elderly care could be something I'd look into it sounds very rewarding.

[Guest_5218]

Very true Kiamau, we are usually our own harshest critic. I will accept therefore that I am reasonably attractive then! Ha ha ........

I figure that one day (not too far away) I will be one of those old folk in a nursing home with a story to tell, but no one prepared to listen. It would be nice to think that there are people around who will take an interest in me. but besides that, I just enjoy being with them I think. But Kiamau, when you are talking about 'the older generation' you are referring to me. At 56 I am probably older than your Mum. (-:

Kiamau, I've been meaning to ask you - is Solosombra also a Mauri word? And if so, can you tell me what it means?

Lynda - I dont know anything about the Blue Card, I'm in NSW. Possibly we have something similar though. When I worked at a primary school I had to have a Police Check plus a 'Working with Children Clearance". And in my volunteer capacity with Aged Care I also need a Police Check renewed every 2 years. The volunteer agency I work for organises all that on my behalf. I expect there are similar regulations Australia wide.

Sherie xx

[Solosombra]

Yes we are " well in my experiences I have found this to be true" our own harshest critic.

And for people who have suffered in some way like us it takes another person to make us realise the beauty we bring to this world. "Again speaking only from experience...

Haha i will grant you that you are older but i meant the generation 20 years your senior like my 74yr old grandpa 🙂

no its actually Spanish for "lonely shadow" it was a name given to me by a friend and it kinda just stuck 😕 ​

[Guest_5218]

Lonely Shadow ........ thats nice, I like that. Is that how you see yourself Kiamau, as a lonely shadow?

Experience .. you have a lot of experience for a 26yo, and some of that experience is not the sort that you would wish on anyone else. But our life's experiences inevitably shape our future. I guess its up to us to ensure that we dont allow those bad experiences to turn us into bad people, or to prevent us from leading a happy and productive life.

From adversity comes understanding and empathy. I think sometimes we need to practice that understanding, empathy and patience on ourselves first and foremost.

It sounds like you have a few good friends. I'm glad. Do they have similar interests to you?

Okay gotcha, so in future when you speak of the older generation, I will try to remember that you are referring to people of my mothers age. My Mum is 79 and my Dad 83. (-:

Sherie xx

[Solosombra]

Actually it was a friend who saw me like that, I saw myself as irrelevant haha..

She said that I was so tall and big and always at the back of class so she knew I was there but I was also empty and quite and only just noticeable because I was big but always at the back like someone's lonely shadow :/...

Yeah I've had more experiences then I care to admit actually and a few of them were bad but like you say I try my hardest to not let that shape me in a negative way, but the self loathing and the way I treat myself are a bit extreme at times.

Yes I have a very select few friends who understand me and my pain and I there's 🙂

Hope you are well tonight

Kiamau x