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Feeling more insignificant than ever

lostPuppy
Community Member

Hi,

I don't know where to start since I have so much to tell and I am nervous while I am typing this but I feel I need to reach out to someone since I feel I can't reach out to my partner, friends and family.

I have always felt insignificant, worthless and alone or 'on the other side' since my car crash 14 years ago. The crash has left me with facial scarring and Acquired Brain Injury, which lead to short term memory loss. I have felt useless since I had limitations to the things I can do and even though I have gotten better at the limitations, I never seem to get over the fact that I cannot be where I was before the crash. This lead to me disliking myself and angry with myself and my life

During rehab all I wanted to do was to get better so I can live my life as normal as I possibly can. Part of that was getting a job, like everyone else. I came close to that goal and at that same moment I thought I had a better grasp of the feelings and thoughts that were in me but since my current relationship, everything seems to be 'spilling'.

I have been actively applying for jobs so I can achieve this goal but have been unlucky lately. Whenever I try to bring it up to my partner, of the feelings of disappointment and powerlessness that I cannot support us more, financially, all he says was "at least your day was better than mine" or "at least you are not stressed about work" or since he suspects he has a hemorrhoid, "at least you are not stressed about work and have a hemorrhoid". Which has left me feeling so insignificant, I have been thinking about the situation all night and do not know what to do. I don't know if I should have the right to feel the way I do, feel kind of lost? I can't even sleep

Sorry for the long post

1 Reply 1

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear LostPuppy, hello and it's great to be able to talk with you, and from what you have told us I don't want you to feel nervous, because you're done a great job on the circumstances you are facing.

I am truly sorry for the car accident which you have suffered from badly, as when I had mine it also changed my life and my ability to be able to move around, so I understand what you are having trouble with.

Are they able to do plastic surgery on your face, and as it happened in a car accident then this should be covered by TAC which is in Vic.

I can also relate to having a memory problem and with me it could be from old age, but it's from an assault which damaged part of my brain, but that's enough of me.

Your partner doesn't seem to be of any support, which will make you feel less confident and diminished self esteem, and all of this doesn't build any faith in yourself.

May I ask how long this relationship has been going, sorry a bit personal, and only answer if you want to, however what is happening is he is not caring to you and all the events that have occurred, which I feel you should be getting as much encouragement as possible, and not worry about his own hemorrhoids, which can be easily fixed.

The jobs you are applying for, is this on your own account or is it by an agency, and if it is the former then go and put your name down on the many agencies that are available.

Can I also press that you follow up on the surgery plus there are places that can train to expand your memory, I know that's it's not easy, but should be covered by the TAC in Vic, but I'm not sure which state you live in. L Geoff. x