Domestic Violence court hearings

[Kez77]

SO I left my home 05.02 and moved away and he has been in jail since, I got a solicitor and our homes sitting there and I keep paying to maintain it and trying to start a new life but his court date keeps getting adjourned and no one can tell me why.  

I know he is in jail but I just need it done so not left wondering everyday still what is going to happen next. 

I miss my house and have been back a couple times to do lawns and pool and just can't do it anymore and the solicitors just keep asking for more money which all our money is wrapped up in home account which I can't access and seems solicitors aren't really in any hurry to help.

I know I can't contact him and I have no clue what to do for been months now and is like every day that goes past seems longer and longer and eating at me.  

I don't get why they keep adjourning it when the police layed the charges and have told me 7-15 years but feels like is never ending.

I work fulltime and trying to keep that one thing normal in my life but feels like I don't have much left in me to keep waiting and trying everyday when seems getting no where with him or my home. 

[Kez77]

So I have just got out of a DV relationship and why do I worry and feel so bad for him in jail and just want to know he is ok when I didn't lay the charges the police did and now I can't even talk to him or anyone to know he is ok.  Our house is sitting there and I am still maintaining all but in a new life moved away and everyday all I worry about is him. I can't feel I bearly sleep and am trying to do all I can just to make sure we don't loose our home even though I can't live there but worked so hard to make it what it is and solictors just keep asking for more money and getting no answer 4 months later for his sentencing keeps getting adjourned and I am expected to keep working make new life new place new everything and no help from anyone for have a full time job and I am about at my Witts end.  

[Croix]

Dear Kez77~

I'd like to give you a warm welcome here to the Forum. A wise move as if you look around you may find others who are or have been in your situation.

Court cases seem to take forever and that is most unfair. Then too the legal expenses and paying of your huse are crippling. I am glad you have a job, not only from the financial point of view but also as you have thought, it provides an oasis of normality and achievement. Something that's sorely needed when dealing wiht the feelings separation and violence create.

You sound a strong and practical person and will get though.

Please forgive me if you have already thought of this but the Womens Legal Services might be an option, providing free advice. They might for instance say how to deal wiht paying forand maintaining  a house you are not living in. The link I've given you is for state/territory addresses, however they may be able to advise of one -or an equivalent - near you.

I'm not sure there is much you can do to hurry the court system which is so frustratingly slow.  I'm sure you have asked your solicitor to try, so the only thing left to change is you. To try to find things in your life you enjoy, perhaps more social life too. Moving away from concentrating on this matter -not easy I know.

Apart from official assistance is there anyone in your life you can lean on for support, family or a friend? Trying to deal with all this alone is very hard. This is why many form a support group, it can make it easier.

If the Womens Legal does not know of one near you maybe our own 24/7 support service might be able ot help

Feel free to write in anytime, just talkng can help wiht people who understand and care too.

Croix

[Fiatlux]

Hi Kez77,

Stay strong and stay safe.

Keep in touch here if you need to vent but I long process will be worth it. 

You got out. Please stay away from him. Fiatlux 🙏🏼

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult and traumatic situation. Leaving an abusive relationship takes immense courage. And to come here and tell part of your story takes courage as well.

Your entire life flips upside down. It's understandable to still have feelings of worry and care for your former partner... despite the harm they caused. Combine this with everything that is happening - maintaining your home, emotional and financial burdens.

I wonder if there are any DV support services who can help with resources to help you navigate this challenging time.

Listening...

[Kez77]

Once again since this I got out in Feb sentencing has been adjourned today to 03.10 and now going to a higher court.  

I have paid out $4500 to solicitors and all they have done is sent 1 letter to him in jail and told me would have a response in 14 days that is well past and now they tell me to give more time and are asking me for more money when I have got no answers on what I am suppose to do with the house maintenance and looking after the pool and all for all control he has and I am doing all and having to deal with moving and working and everything else and have no idea what I am suppose to do and solictors just ask for more money with no answers.  

He may never respond and I have asked them what would happen if that is the case and no reply from my solicitor.  I feel like I am butting my head against a brick wall it has been over 4 months and feels like I am still where I started but have paid out a lot of my own money for he has control over our accounts.  I am not sure if should keep paying to look after the pool and get the yard done or what I am suppose to do about the house rates, water and electricity I am still paying out of my weekly wage whilst moving to a new location and trying to get my life together.  Feels like I am doing all I can and getting no where.

[Croix]

Dear Kez77~

It is so frustrating for you, to try to settle the matter only to find it is going to a higher court, which if you continue in all probability means more expense as well as more delay.

All of this can leave one at sea. Solicitors are expensive and do not always yield the results you hope for. As I mentioned before getting impartial free advice may be available though a branch of the Womens Legal Services  . Then again if you qualify the Government Legal Aid service may assist. Finally a social organization such as Anglicare in your state/territory may offer their experience.

Obviously trying to keep the house in good condition and bills paid by yourself is not only an impractical financial burden but the stress and worry of it does you no good at all. Between that and the court case I guess there may be little time or energy left in your life for anything else but work.

You do need to look after yourself first, in front of houses or court. Without exhausting yourself it is even harder to cope.  If you felt it financially possible a councilor may help you to handle all this the best way for you.

May I suggest you have time each day when you put all this to one side and do something you enjoy or distracts you. Anything from the Gym to a book.

I practice this by reading of an evening, trying to get my mind away from troubles and anxiety. I look forward to it each day. If my mind won't let go of the worries and thoughts I need a rest from I use a free smartphone app called Smiling Mind. It does take practice however now I find it leaves me in a calmer state and more receptive to that enjoyable task.

You do have to select one of a very large number of exercises - it caters for all sorts, and practice. It does not work instantly. I have hte attention span of a goldfish but found one to suit.

Do you think there is anything in the above worth pursuing?

Croix

[tranzcrybe]

If you are paying legal fees, you can request a progress summary of expenses which should itemise everything (quite meticulously) from which you might get a clearer understanding of the work they are doing or at least where your money is going.

However, you would have engaged their services to avoid or reduce becoming embroiled in the process, so it might be best to sit it out and focus on your own wellbeing as it sounds like a serious case that requires considerable preparation and commitment to an outcome.

If you have equity in the house, it would be wise to keep it maintained; although canceling utilities would reduce some costs if no one is living there, but you must be listed on the account to have authority (and I believe water service charges remain with the owner and need to be paid regardless). Similarly, the council rates must be paid or else they will add interest penalties and, if not settled, sell the house to retrieve the amount (including costs).
Just keep detailed records of all you have paid (including legal fees) as this should be reconciled in any final settlement.

Lawyers are pretty good at doing the job they are commissioned to perform but expecting them to intuitively manage your personal affairs (ie, paying for house maintenance) will likely fall on deaf ears. Such questions would be better discussed with friends, family, or colleagues.

There will be a resolution, but it may not happen any faster through impatience.