domestic violence against men

[gremz]

I am currently studying community welfare and began the subject Domestic Family Violence. Although many men do experience abuse from their partners, this is not recognized in my course. 
When I asked the teacher about it, she reported to me that men being abused by women would and should be treated differently and receive less support. Its been a long hard battle for females to gain rights so we should be treated better than males?
I don't think this is the "equality" I visioned as a female. 
Anyone else find it not quite right?
Shouldn't violence (especially in a family) and abuse against ANYONE be wrong?

[gremz]

hi Chris, 

thanks for your input. 

I do believe that emotional abuse is usually worse to endure and come back from than physical abuse, however I feel that females get both of it.

Females rarely only experience just physical abuse. As a survivor of domestic violence and someone who has many friends that have been in worse situations, the emotional abuse did seem to do the most damage and was always as common, if not more common, as the violent abuse.

i dont want to say that anyone has it worse than some one else, i just want to say that everyone needs to be treated equally and that I believe there should be more supports out there for men who have been abused. just like bullying, abuse can leave scars that last a lifetime, even if you cant see them.

As a male, what do you feel would be beneficial for a man struggling with this?

[Obsolete]

I have a 54 yo brother who is suffering terrible physical, verbal, financial and emotional abuse at the moment and has done so for over 8 years.

He is the most placid non-violent man you could ever meet.

I have witnessed his wife spit in his face a dozen times, destroy his career by sleeping with his boss, daily barrages of extreme verbal

abuse with swearing in front of their 8 yo son (the boy's recently been diagnosed with a chronic anxiety problem - no wonder!), and physical abuse, death threats, constant abusive text messages and more recently has taken to smashing his belongings with a hammer. She has also physically and verbally abused his son on many occasions. She has two daughters from two previous marriages, one of whom is addicted to Ice and is living in a spare bedroom at the mother's insistence on " suicide watch". This daughter regularly brings her drug dealer boyfriend into his home for "payment".

This is all a part of her plan to succeed in obtaining his property by deception through marriage.

He seriously fears for his life and that of his son and they both sleep in locked adjacent bedrooms.

He has documented, recorded and reported it all to his local Police. They more or less laugh at him and advise HIM to leave HIS home.

NOTE: He owned the house BEFORE he met her and is the full-time caregiver for his son since losing his job 3 years ago.

My brother is applying for an Intervention Order this week on advice from the Police, but they say it will be HIM moving out - "It's the easiest way to defuse the situation and besides, traditionally, women don't get removed when children are involved". The Police implied in as much "Come back when you're dead and we might take some action against her". My brother asked the Police if he could see the documented history of his reports. Surprise surprise - there wasn't any!

So much for "gender equality" in 2014...

Domestic violence against Men is rampant yet remains hidden, largely unreported and if reported is often denied by authorities because of the FACT that a man isn't taken seriously when it occurs. There are very few tangible resources or support services available to male victims - we've tried DIDDS etc. but to no avail.

He has nowhere else to go - Men's Refuges simply don't exist.

What can he do to get this abusive woman out of both their lives and live in peace in his own home? 

[gremz]

Obslete

That story makes me cringe, how terrible, and to bring a child into it to! She should be reported to DHS! 

Has he tried going to another police station? That type of thing cannot go on! What if he sells the house and moves where she cant find him?

I'm glad he has you at least. Thanks for sharing. What a horrific situation!

[Obsolete]

Hi Gremz - thanks for your reply and concern.

He's tried other Police stations but in his experience it's always female Police Officers whom deal with domestic situations at the front desk.

I experienced this myself when I went through the marriage-go-round four years ago. My ex-wife had thrown my then 13 yo son down a flight of stairs, fracturing his arm whilst he was in her "care". After receiving a frantic phone call from him I immediately collected him and took him to my local Police station to report the assault and insisted it be reported to DHS. However the female Police Officer on duty took him into an interview room ALONE and spent an hour convincing him it never happened. Needless to say it wasn't reported to DHS either.

I'm sure that if the genders were reversed I would have spent a night in the cells.

IMHO: I believe (from personal experience) it is the feeling of absolute hopelessness and utter desperation caused by an enshrined and blatantly gender-biased legal system which ultimately results in the forced alienation of often decent Fathers from our children. Unfortunately this sometimes drives a small (and yet well publicised) minority of ex-Fathers to self-harm and sometimes to do much worse. I certainly do not condone nor offer to excuse it, but it happens regardless and no-one is asking the obvious questions:

What is it that is driving some Men to such abhorrent extremes of behaviour and just as importantly why aren't women who behave in the exact same manner being subjected to the same assumptions, stigma, publicity and penalties as Men?

If a woman can seriously assault and abuse a man and/or his children without fear of any legal reprisal or repercussion knowing that gender-biased legal systems are working in her favour and there is a pot of gold waiting at the end, then I ask where is the disincentive for her not to?

No, my Brother simply can't sell-up and disappear with his son. For Men that is called "child abduction" under current Australian law. For women it's called "taking refuge".

I haven't heard from him for a few days now and it worries me.  

[gremz]

I am incredibly touched by you and your brother's story. It is almost unbelievable how the tables have turned and how unjust it is for some men now!

Surely it is within your rights to request a male officer or DHS worker, further the complaint, contest the decisions made, seek legal AID advice? Where does the law state that only females can apply for intervention orders? No where.

What horrific situations, especially for your children.

I hope your brother is ok. Is this happening in rural Australia or suburban?

Please keep me updated! 

[newslug]

Wow!  you have been through the mill! Many men face domestic violence ( in your case, emotional violence through the silent treatment) ... and while I congratulate you for your actions -- maybe your ex wife and your daughter need some psych therapy?

You know its amazing, but the Domestic Violence Council ( at least here in Queensland) was some years back ( not sure if they're still doing it)  presenting a brochure which claims that ONLY men perpetrate domestic violence! (that in itself made me feel my heckles rising!) .. it is a quiet un scientific claim., but one gullible people will accept, because "the brochure says so".

I recently turned up at the Domestic Violence Council's shopfront, at the Brisbane Courts, seeking some information (as a journalist, covering a story on Domestic Violence week) , and was ordered out of the office, because "only women" are entitled to domestic violence services!!

Now,it seems to me, the Domestic Violence Council depends largely on taxpayers money --yes, your money and mine)  and yet they throw this kind of misinformation out, discriminating against men, and blaming them for this increasing community issue!

Im told a study by a research team at a University in Perth  WA, found that in fact  53% of domestic violence was perpetrated by women..... and the most-often used weapon ( in physical violence) was  the Kitchen knife .... followed by the Vacuum Cleaner!!   One only has to ask themselves  the question "who usually has use of these devices" ... and the answer becomes fairly obvious.

I'm not anti women...but I am against women's organisations which try to place a blanket coverage of all men as being perpetrators of domestic violence... and our Governments must stop funding such organisations that spread such rubbish.

As for the mens help line??? how come when you ring, they try to turn the blame back on the caller????

And at one Police station on the Sunshine Coast, I was present, when a man came in,his face bloodied, seeking a Domestic violence order against his wife... the Police officer declined the request, saying that such orders are for women only!!!!!

go figure

[gremz]

Hey guys

All these stories have made me want to take action about this. Why does gender always get in the way of equality?

So I am doing a bit of research into it.

I found the One in Three campaign that is just for males experiencing domestic violence and research.

Please look into it if your interested, or share your story with them.

They also have a phone line that you could use in QLD.. not sure if its any good though.

DVConnect Mensline (Queensland) is a statewide service (9am to midnight, 7 days a week) supporting men affected by domestic violence.Phone - 1800 600 636

Keep me posted. 🙂

[Obsolete]

Thankyou for your replies one and all.

I spoke to my brother last night - yes, he's still alive I'm happy to say! He managed to get an interim Intervention Order against his wife, but they refused to include the part about removing her from the premises and restricting her from coming within a 200 metre distance. The Order was served by Police whilst he was out picking up his son from school. The Order prohibits her from abusing either my brother or his son in any form, but when he returned home he copped another barrage of severe verbal abuse and more death threats - in front of his son - because he got the Order. He called the Police - they were too busy to attend - unless she had physically assaulted either of them. It's only an "interim Intervention Order" which means it needs to be ratified in Court. I have offered to be a witness to her abuse in Court to assist moving her out of his home.

Meanwhile, it's "business as usual" for her in the

abuse department and I expect it to get worse now that the Order has been served.

@Newslug: I recall attending a couple of mandatory "Family Mediation" classes (as a required pre-cursor before going to Court). It was run by feminist women who's sole purpose was to instil the idea in all attendees - male AND female - that it's bad to "bash women". I dared to interrupt and asked the 20+ attendees "Has anyone here tonight actually performed or been a victim of a violent act against women?" Not a single hand went up and I was duly evicted from the meeting. Silly me!

@Gremz: My brother is living in middle-class eastern suburbia in Melbourne.

BTW: I am not a misogynist either, however I feel the current gender-biased laws will prevent me from ever forming another relationship in fear of being discriminated against once again if it turns sour.

Women these days ask: "Where are all the decent men?"

Well, most of us have been through the divorce mill and learned as we burned - and never again.

[Martin_Martin]

Hi I am married been in this relationship for twenty years, back in 96 and 98, the Police removed me from our home, fortunately the youngest step daughter (8) spoke up about her mothers behaviour, this was supported by our GP.

When a later episode occurred, I attended the Police Station and spoke to a WOPO (woman police officer) explaining my predicament about the two previous court appearances both of which were withdrawn by my wife. The officer stated that with the area of domestic violence, 15% of her clients/ cases were when the male was being bullied. 

Is it part of  feminist thought that violence within a relationship is initiated by the male?

When we consider the diet that women consume from the media, perpetuating insecurity or that every male is errant. In his behaviour. Include a chemical factory that has a haphazard production line within their pelvis coupled with a susceptibility to emotive issues whether real or not, fabricated to entice them to watch or read. Then it is like having a fifth columnist in your bed, in my case it only took looking at a Target underwear ad for my wife to loose the plot. The step daughters soon learned how to use the remote to ensure peace in our time.

Society has to make or convince publicly women that their xx associates are capable of such destructive behaviour.

How many Family Court issues have been dragged out, ended in tragedy because of the female intransigence? There are men in jail,

suicide victims and murderers who were not rescued or believed by the authorities. 

it is great to fund mental health issues, however let's consider female on male violence, this should be a salient issue. 

[jk059]

You hit the nail on the head with a 12 lb sledge hammer Martin, it's about time somebody looked at female on male domestic violence. I may speak from bitterness but if I had a dollar for every time my ex committed it on me, I'd be able to retire yesterday. All the cops ever did was advise me to walk away from the relationship because the law was on her side. I did nothing about it when it occurred and I bet there's plenty of us out there who haven't either.