Do I have a mental Illness

[lil_miss_smiles]

Hi,

So I am unsure how to start or where, I looked at other posts but still not sure if this is right, I'm really sorry if this is wrong.

Today I am trying to have the music up loud in my head phones to drown out the thoughts, I don't even know where to start. I just know things are getting a lot harder and it's getting harder to ignore and push them aside. I'm stuck between continue to ignore how I am or to talk to someone (every time I see a "professional" I just pretend I'm ok - I hate the questions, I hate the feeling of having to explain what I have been through, when my own family don't even know) .

My family are amazing brought up in the country an moved to the city with my mother who kept me when my family pushed her away for being single (my father didnt want a girl).

My mother looks after kids in and out of care and spends most of her time with special needs kids. I lover and adore her, but my beliefs of what a mother should be like are changing while I grow up and have realized she made me feel like i was the outside kid without even noticing.

I have had multiple "situations" that a child should never have had to go through or feel it was there fault and to hide it. To feel even the people who are meant to support you and protect you don't want you to speak up so the "next time" it happens.. you blame yourself and definitely don't tell anyone.

I don't think i can say anymore, I just know it's getting so hard to keep this all inside. How do people cope!? This all happened years ago, I have been so tough and I wasn't thinking about it.. but now its almost every day. My family wouldn't understand and I would never want to break them up, i don't want to go see a professional - I find I just can't let them in or fully tell them the truth. I guess I'm trying to figure out life... my two best mates over the past 3 years have committed suicide and i just don't have the guts to do what they did. I'm more the silent thinker and doubter with numbness, I broke off a 6 year relationship - Jumped into another one (no idea why - just happened) I wasn't good enough for him anyway's so I broke that off. I had a major car accident and heard the people say I was dead when infact I wasn't - Just alot to happen in roughly 4 years. I'm just wanting to know how do people pull themselves out of this? Does it ever stop? Do you ever feel like its gone? Do you feel like your good enough? Do you keep having conversations with yourself? or this how life is?

[spunkyturtle]

Oh wow miss smiles, you have been on a rough ride!! It's no wonder it's all catching up with you, if you're bottling it all up! I always feel like I'm not good enough, how do I cope? Sometimes I drink, take pills, sleep, some days I smile and keep on going, we all have our different coping mechanisms. There's nothing wrong with talking to a psychologist, or even talking on here I s a great way to relieve the stress and get some feedback, make some friends.

Personally id suggest the book, the happiness trap. I've found ACT a very good tool.

Keep talking to us smiles, we are all here to support you 😃 and welcome!

[lil_miss_smiles]

Hi Spunky turtle 🙂 (My turtle is named spunky)

I wasn't expecting a reply so soon thank you. I looked up the book whilst tearing up - Purchased as of now. I was taking pain killers to sleep better but my partner noticed so I moved on to drinking and I'm not a big drinker, so i dropped that. What are your days like? Up and down the whole day? Do you feel like pulling yourself away from everyone sometimes? maybe too many questions and personal, you don't have to answer. If I could ask one more though and that's it... do you have many friends or talk to many people? to you try to keep social?

I have had this not so nice feeling since I can remember... I have been wanting to type on here for weeks but was worried what would be commented. Thank you for talking and thank you for suggesting the book, look forward to reading it.

Thank you for welcoming me

[spunkyturtle]

You're most welcome lil miss, we are all friends here, we've been through or are going through similar circumstances, it's all about supporting each other 😃

i don't have any friends, my Dr tells me I need to socialise. I go to day therapy two days a week, it's good support, I've got 'friends' there. I'm not working at the moment, I haven't worked in a few years, I'm lucky I'm on a disability pension. I self isolate, have started drinking again, abuse pills. Two steps forward one step back right. I'm doing better now I have a good support system in place, I trust my Dr and Psychiatrist. Do you have a good GP you can talk to? It's so important!

Live just been referred to a disability employment agency, so I'm hoping they can help.

How are you going today miss smiles? Do you have friends you talk to?

[Doolhof]

Hi Lil Miss Smiles,

I really like the name you have chosen. It certainly helps when you can smile doesn't it.

I'd like to suggest you have a chat with your Dr. and try again to chat with a psych or a counsellor. I know it is difficult at times. One thing that helps me is to actually write down what I am feeling and handing the paper to the person I am talking to.

There is a lot of help and information available here on this site. You might find some of it very beneficial to you.

In the past I have used the phone help line and the Chat Online service as well. Both are very beneficial.

If you don't mind me asking, are you working at all? If not have you thought of volunteering and meeting people that way doing something that you like and enjoy?

Some days my depression is worse than on other days. When it is lousy I still try to encourage myself even if it is to do something small.

It is wonderful you feel comfortable chatting here on this forum. You will find the people here are very supportive and caring.

Hopefully you will find the help and support you need.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[lil_miss_smiles]

Good Morning Mrs. Dools and spunkyturtle,

I have logged in everyday - just not sure what to say (respond). The past week I have tried multiple different ways to distract myself but... yeh not the greatest. Took a few days off work - slept, watched tv, walked my dog, sat at home the whole time.

Spunkyturtle, how are you going? hows your week? no good GP to talk to, i dont have many friends - mostly my fault for not going out an socializing with them i guess. I dont like drama and talking about other people so I dont fit in.

Mrs. Dools, I booked another app went there an the my usual Doc was away - again as per usual they just wanted me to admit that I have issues an put me on meds. I said I think its more anxiety, and she said to take multivitamins. So I haven't book another app instead I booked a trip overseas for a few nights. Escape from here for a little bit. How are you? you feeling good today? I work full time and I look after my foster brothers on weekends.

Do many people use this site? People who dont have an account cant see right?

[Doolhof]

HI Lil miss smiles,

Just found your message. Sorry to read the Dr. appointment didn't seem to go all that well, not the way you had hoped anyway from the sounds of it. Do you have an aversion to taking medication? Some foods and multivitamins may certainly aid health.

An overseas trip sounds wonderful. When are you planning on going and where to if I may ask?

I have been looking at local cruises that leave from Melbourne or Sydney and stay in Australian waters so you don't need to worry about customs and so on.

Friends in Sydney went on a 3 day cruise that just went out to sea and came back again. They loved all of the shows, doing very little and eating lots! Sounds good to me.

If you send an email to the address below, you will be able to ask questions about this site. I have been told the facts about how many people use the site and how it all works, but the information has escaped from my memory.

I seem to think people may be able to read the posts but not respond unless they are signed up and logged in.

This week I have decided to resign from work, giving a month's notice. It has been a crazy week in many ways. My health is lousy so that is one of the reasons for doing so. I haven't been on this site very frequently this last week.

Hope you are doing okay. What do you do with your foster brothers on the weekends?

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[spunkyturtle]

Hey miss smiles

ive been frustrated, my group therapy has been cancelled for a few weeks so I haven't had that support or reason to leave the house. I totally get what you mean about friends, drama and gossip, I'm the same. I'd rather talk to my cat or watch the football. maybe you could try a new GP, having a GP I can talk to openly and honestly has changed my life! It's easier for them to help and it's great support.

Stay strong miss smiles and keep talking to us

spunkyturtle xo