Diagnosed with PTSD and I need to clear out my head

[Unknown_User]

I agree with my psychiatrist that I have PTSD. I educated my teachers and classmates at a school project. I got bullied for it, even my teachers. They said I should not hold on to the past, and focus on the future, and I should get over it and move on...

I was 8 when my father was violent towards me. He did it because my parents were arguing over who is the better parent and they demanded to me who is better. I said I can't choose and my father said he thinks I favour my mother more and so he was violent towards me.

I was 16 when I was raped. In broad daylight. At a park. I haven't told anyone, not even the people I trust the most.

I was constantly bullied at school by students and teachers. The principal didn't believe me, so I stopped opening up to my parents.

Whenever my father found out I got bullied for anything, he said I was an embarrassment to the family. He was violence towards me for either no reason or a very small reason.

My parents argued a lot, and I know they weren't arguing about me, but that doesn't make their voices any softer.

I can't drive because I fear of having flashbacks and I fear that I might run over a person or crash into a car.

I want to move out of house, but I can't find jobs around here, Covid happening or not. I'm almost 21.

I constantly worry that I'll end up in a mental health institution and I fear of going into hospital full stop.

I hate seeing masks, so I've not gone outside. I feel like the masks are representing mental health doctors.

My counsellor just doesn't understand PTSD.

My previous counsellor did, but she's now retired.

My new counsellor has severe anxiety, and every time she coughs or sneezes she tells me she worries someone might die.

I want to tell my parents I want a different counsellor but I'm afraid what they might say. I haven't told them about the rape. I don't think they'd care.

[Sophie_M]

Welcome Unknown User, We are so sorry to hear about what you have been through. We are so glad that you had the courage to reach out here - we understand that you've opened up here about things that you haven't spoken about before. We hear you and we care. Please know that you are strong and you are valuable. You don't have to do this alone - with the right treatment and support, things can improve.

We're sorry to hear that your current counsellor doesn't understand PTSD. We would strongly urge that you contact 1800RESPECT. They offer confidential information, counselling and support 24/7 for people impacted by sexual assault, domestic or family violence and abuse. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice to support to people who have been through trauma like this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or https://www.1800respect.org.au/
  You are also always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online (Webchat) counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. 
We hope that you can find some comfort in the forums. Feel free to keep us updated here on your thread throughout your journey.
 

[Unknown_User]

Thank you for the quick response Sophie,

I feel relieved to finally talk to some people who don't judge. It's a shame I can't find people around me in real life to understand. I think the anonymous forums are the only place where I can talk about it, as revealing my identity is something I'm not fond of. I don't tell many people in real life but I thought educating it at school could help but I was shocked to find the consequences.