Hi oceana. While I don't suffer PTSD from being continuously raped by another member of my family. I did suffer depression because of having no-one to turn to. The perpetrator of the crime still lives, but he has suffered too from what he did to me. I do have sympathy for him though because while there's no excuse, he suffers from Narcissism. He was the only child for nearly 5 years, my mother couldn't cope with having 2 children, she pushed him away (even though she idolised him). He grew up angry, resentful and got into trouble from a very early age. He started abusing me when I was about 8. My father was an alcoholic and knew nothing. My parents have both passed, I have completely 'cut' him off. I've had to forgive him to find inner peace. Through peace comes tranquillity. I had years of counselling, which did bring out the 'hate' I felt. The self loathing has gone because I've realised it was not my fault. Why waste time hating yourself, that doesn't do any good, he doesn't suffer. He has nothing, he is an alcoholic. He can't hold a job for longer than 3/4 months. My mother's family have disowned him. The punishment from 'life' is more than I could do. I haven't won or lost, neither has he. It's just I'm happier and contented, whether he is or isn't, is his problem, not mine. I'm not to blame for his problems, I'm responsible for my happiness. My husband knows, that's all that matters. Don't let what happened to you destroy you. Maybe writing down the 'intimate' details (for want of another description) of what happened. Get the 'hate' out, before it eats you. He's not worth self destruction, no-one is, certainly not you. You're a beautiful, loving person.
