Complex PTSD

[Mara56]

Hi, I'm new to this. I have complex PTSD as a result of multiple traumas including childhood sexual abuse, physical, mental & emotional abuse. My father was a violent alcoholic, mother psychologically disturbed, I was raped at 19, my first husband narcissistic, highly manipulative, controlling, possessive, emotionally, mentally abusive, controlled finances, also an alcoholic and eventually threatened violence. Second husband had depression and I believe PTSD. I carried the relationship emotionally and financially until it took a toll on my mental health. I've seen many counsellors over the years, some caused more damage because despite me telling them about my history they never connected that I had PTSD. Finally found a psychologist I could work with and after several years I got to an ok place, where I could coexist with the flashbacks without them overwhelming me. Then my son died, I worked so hard to give my children a happy, healthy childhood, losing my precious boy has devastated me in ways I can never adequately express. 6 years later I met another man, for most part a good man and things were ok until I started having problems with my health. I've had multiple surgeries, too many to count. The last surgery, was horrific. The treatment I received in hospital triggered so much stuff from my past. When I've dealt with trauma in the past, I have had the benefit of compartmentalisation, as a result of what happened to me in hospital, I seem to have lost the ability to compartmentalise. The past 16 months have been a nightmare. My anxiety is through the roof, and the lows have been frightening at times. I have gone back to regular sessions. But as I've dealt with most of my past, except for my father, I have blocked out a lot of my memories around him. I am starting to wonder whether I need to just accept that this is me, I have complex PTSD and that anxiety, flashbacks, depression, insomnia are all part of it. But when I think that there is nothing I can do to change it.......... I go to a very dark place. I have told very few people in my life that I have PTSD and only a handful of people know about my past. I am conscious it's a lot for people to get their heads around. I'm hoping to connect with other people with PTSD, I feel very alone in it sometimes and I'm interested to hear how other people manage their PTSD. Many thanks

[Mara56]

Hi Sleepy 21,

Thank you for your post.

I am so pleased to hear that you are putting the anger where it belongs. My psychologist has been telling me for years that anger is healthy but I was frightened of it and also struggled to access it. Turning it on myself was so destructive. It feels so much better focusing it out where it belongs. It takes courage to that and good for you for finding that courage.

Thank for your kind words re: the sessions. I agree with you, 10 sessions isn’t enough. It has taken me years to get to this point and just when I get there my financial circumstances go downhill. I was really hoping that when they announced the increase in funding for mental health last week, that they would increase the number of sessions. I don’t begrudge the programs that have received funding but I was really angry that they had hadn’t increased the number of sessions on the MHP. Dealing with past traumas is hard enough but trying to deal with them during a pandemic is incredibly difficult.

Good luck with making your next move. I hope you find a way to keep going with your therapy.

Take care

Mara

[ecomama]

Hi Mara and everyone

So has the govt made their decision, for now, not to increase MHCP beyond 10?
I thought that some GPs could add another 5 after the initial 10. The reason I'm saying this, is because that's what my GPs receptionist told me a few days ago.

I'm just letting things roll atm because I haven't begun my first session, so trying to stay calm over this.

It is disappointing if they can't be extended. If the govt truly understood that ongoing support makes an individual 'better' but in turn it contributes to the entire community 'feeling better'.

So many of us have families that depend upon us and work too, where people may depend upon us.

Also those of us who have taken ourselves out of most of society and possibly feel 'marginalised'. Ongoing support could help us re-engage in society.

Basically all contribute to a happier and healthier society. Being 'commercially productive' is a by product but it's an end product too for some. I don't like to think of us being a 'commodity'. I'm grateful for the support regardless atm because I'm at the start of a new 'leg' of my MH journey if you will. Dealing with the future too much creates anxiety which I'm trying to avoid.

I wish you all well.
EM

[White_Rose]

Your GP has the ability to give someone an extra five visits on their MHCP. I think some GP may not realise this and it may be they need to justify the additional visits in some way. Not sure about this. The bottom line is that you can have up to 15 psychology visits per year on the MHCP.

If anyone feels they need these visits then ask your GP who can facilitate this. If they do not know these are available then ask the GP to clarify with Medicare.

Mary

[Mara56]

Hi White Rose (Mary),

I spoke to the GP and also my psychologist and they both indicated that you could only have 10 sessions.

I also read an article recently in relation to the various psychologist associations lobbying Govt to increase the number of sessions to 20. In that article the associations stated that they were only 10 currently available. I spent ages searching Medicare for information weeks ago and the only information I could find indicated that you could only have 10 sessions.

If it's possible to get 15 sessions that would be amazing. Appreciate it if you could let me know where on the Medicare website I can get information in relation to this.

Many thanks

Mara

[Guest_1643]

hi mara,

it would be really good if they increased the sessions to 20, agreed

It doesn't seem to be happening or clear?
I didn't connect so much with the psychologist anyway so I am okay to move on but I do feel I kind of wasted my ten sessions with him.
Thanks again mara , i really appreciated your comments on properly directing anger.
I've never even be able to see that this could be helpful, and I always felt guilty for having anger towards my abusers.
I tried to suppress it.
Now I'm very much okay with anger (of that kind) and I really appreciate your insight and understanding about this.
We are always taught to forgive and forget, I think we need to be taught that anger can be self-protecting and appropriate and normal

[Mara56]

Hi Sleepy 21,

I totally agree with you in relation to the importance of being taught that anger can be self-protecting and appropriate. My psychologist has been trying to tell me that for years. Anger always terrified me. I grew up with very angry parents, I won't go into it but suffice to say, it was not safe as a child to express anger. My Complex PTSD often prevents me from even knowing what it is I'm feeling. I have to say though to finally reach a place where I can direct the anger where it belongs, well it is a relief.

I was really hoping and praying that they would increase the sessions to 20. Financially I'm in a really tight place at the minute, the frustrating bit for me is that I have taken years to get to this point and I'm finally here and I can't afford to continue seeing my therapist on a regular basis. My psychologist has been awesome, he reduced his fee by a $100 but even then it's still more than I can afford.

Don't be disheartened if you didn't connect with the psychologist you were seeing. I actually have seen 14 assorted psychologists and counsellors in my journey. It took years for me to find the right one. The one I'm seeing trains counsellors for various counselling services. I knew the first time I saw him that he was the one that could help me.

I'm glad you could connect to my post. I appreciated your reply.

Take care

Mara

[Guest_7403]

Hi Mara,

Apologies i haven't read your entire thread, but I noticed the part where you said you've tried pretty much every medication to not see any positive effects.

I too have cptsd and have trialled every med under the sun, but I recently had two weeks in a mental hospital to trial a drug under supervision and it has certainly improved my quality of life and cleared my head.

Obviously we can't name prescription meds on here, but may I suggest the next time you are with your psychiatrist discussing the options for stimulant medication as opposed to anti depressents and sedatives

[ecomama]

OH here you are Mara! So nice to have found you (lol).

How are you today dear lady?

I've just read through your entire thread & feel IDK ...… A-MAZED. Do you remember that child's card game 'snap'? Well SNAP.

As I suspected in your posts on my thread, reading here now, confirms that you & I have far more in common than C-PTSD. I'm typing so fast that I keep making typos. I'm actually excited (and that's rare these days!). I hope anything I post can give you hope.

We've already connected on childhood. Plus Counselling denied as a child. snap.

Marriages. snap.
No meds because of physiology. snap.
Physical pain. snap. A wheelchair had been mentioned more than once.
Surgeries & less than kind surgeons. snap.
Nightmares of past events. snap. (add children's nightmares)
Startle reflex. snap.
The dominoes seem to be falling in a line.

I've managed a lot of the issues you've mentioned, not perfectly lol just 'well', as observed BUT I truly want to be free from the emotional reactions I have with some flashbacks now. Adding new memories recently & a situation you described with your parents looming .... I'm sure one such thing was not feeling so alone in C-PTSD as I have, which lead us to connect.

Over the decades I've had support from registered Health professionals, such as; chiropractor, counsellors, psychologists, hypnotherapist, acupuncturist, herbalists, more. Some quite 'alternative' therapies in addition.

I found a Course available for victims of DV and FV called 'Breaking Free' worth so much but free. Groups are facilitated by qualified counsellors with training in DV. The course was brilliant. The counsellors know that participants can trigger and they, in person, coach you through that. You may want to look into these in your area? I wasn't alone in DV, but moving through the next few years I was extended beyond myself with reporting & Courts.

From this Course I was linked in with other supports.... one was Uniting Care. I'm mentioning this because they do counselling on a 'sliding scale' for payments. The Counsellor can apply for free sessions for you. I've had the same counsellor for years & she totally "gets' everything. She's given me awesome strategies. I'm keeping her sessions going as I go into Specialist Trauma Psychological therapy. She has agreed to be something like a professional sounding board for me between the psych visits.

Probably TMI, can you relate to anything that might help?

Love EM

[Mara56]

Hi Borderline,

Thank you for the information in relation to the new med you’re on. I don’t currently see a psychiatrist. I had such a terrible time with medication, and the psychiatrist really respects the psychologist I see, so we mutually decided to discontinue my appointments with her.

Mind I will definitely keep in mind the information you’ve just given to and I’ll run it past my GP to see if she thinks it’s worth me seeing the psychiatrist again.

[Mara56]

Hi Ecomama,

Lovely to hear from you.

We certainly sound like peas in a pod. Lol.

I have literally seen the same types of allied professionals as you have. It sounds like you’re as driven as I am to reclaim your life. My mantra has always been “they stole my childhood and large chunk of my adult life. I’ll be damn if I let them have my whole life!”

I know what you mean about the emotional reactions to the flashbacks. They are horrible. The EMDR should help with that. It is definitely helping me.

I’ve done a search for Breaking Free in my area but I couldn’t find them. I will do a more thorough search tomorrow.

Thank you for the information in relation to Uniting Care. The psychologist I see trains their counsellors. I honestly don’t think I could see another therapist. I have seen 14 therapists over the years. The first place I went to was similar to Uniting Care in so much as they charged very little. Unfortunately, they didn’t realise I had PTSD. How they missed it is beyond me and a question I put to two of the therapist I saw there, when I caught up with them a few years back. Because they didn’t pick it up they put me in a large group of women who had experienced different traumas. Only problem was every time someone talked about their trauma I was triggered. I was in the group for 3 years. It was trauma in itself and it complicated my process. Destroyed what little trust I had and made the whole process so much harder. As much as I’m able to trust, I trust my psychologist. He really knows what he’s doing and I feel safe with him.

I am so glad we connected. It helps heaps knowing I’m not alone in this, that you understand what I’m going through.

Thank you for the information in relation to Breaking Free.

Take care

Mara