- Beyond Blue Forums
- Mental health conditions
- PTSD and trauma
- Complex PTSD - What is it and how do we cope?
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Pin this Topic for Current User
- Follow
- Printer Friendly Page
Complex PTSD - What is it and how do we cope?
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
'Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma disorder) is a psychological disorder thought to occur as a result of repetitive, prolonged trauma involving sustained abuse or abandonment by a caregiver or other interpersonal relationships with an uneven power dynamic.' Wikipedia description..
I think this pretty much sums it up yeah?
I wish I could underline; '..relationships with an uneven power dynamic'. In my own case, C-PTSD was triggered by bullying in my workplace from 2008 until 2014. I developed symptoms such as Anxiety/Panic that grew in severity until a tragic breakdown in 2014. I was forced to medically retire.
Although my history of multiple trauma's and childhood abuse caused specific responses in me from an early age, I thought I was normal and everyone was the same. In fact, a lot of people in my inner circle were.
Decades later, I find out those friends/family members/acquaintances had gone thru their own traumatic situations. So why wouldn't I feel normal around them?
Today, as opposed to the 70's/80's (my adolescence/young adulthood) where abuse wasn't discussed, people have resources to out their pain and confusion in spaces like BB forum or with psychologists, social workers, medico's, psychiatrists and even friends/family.
Treatment has become the 'norm' instead of going it alone which is what many of us here had to do until society caught up with this 'pandemic' (IMO) of psychological disorders.
So, why create a thread dedicated to C-PTSD? Well, stigma and misconception around it's still rife in our society, and people suffering with this horrible disorder and not realising it is a constant.
Your views are absolutely welcome! We really do need to talk about it as consequences of C-PTSD and the benefits of therapy are worthy and an important part of recovery.
Newcomers and current members alike are encouraged to post; old, young, male or female.
Let's pick each other's brain and see where it leads...
Kind thoughts;
Sez
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hello Sez.
Thank you so much.. I am at vinnies today..Sez..oh thank you very much..finally. is it okay if I talk later this arvo.. I' sorry I can' talk now I really need to but.
G andy..
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
This is turning out to be a very interesting conversation Amanda, so thankyou very much.
I'd like to re-post what you said;
'I don't want to confuse anyone. I am confused enough myself about it all. I don't know where one finishes and the other starts. Its just all a jumbled up mess of pain and confusion. All seemingly inter related.
I will continue to read because I think I belong here. Or at least my psych says I do. I don't see why the fact that I remain with my abuser should invalidate me'
I'm absolutely sure the confusion you've described is very relevant to others who're in a similar category. When focusing solely on symptoms, confusion will reign. Addressing causes and beliefs is much more productive for recovery.
I'm not sure how you've been invalidated tbh. To my understanding, you're still exposed to a 'threat' of abuse by living with your husband. In essence, you're in the thick of it.
I have no opinion re this because it's your choice, but to speak about symptoms from c-ptsd, you'd need to talk about 'causative' factors which influence those symptoms; current or otherwise. Would this be fare to say?
The cycle of abuse, especially within DV relationships, IS valid and worthy of discussion re c-ptsd. If you find it too difficult to contribute to this thread, I totally understand ok. Not everyone will find it comfortable, but I'm glad you're going to continue reading.
All my best;
Sez
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi dear Karen;
Whew! So glad you got something out of my posts; relieved actually. Posting this arvo's fine. I'm off now as my battery's pooped.
I won't return till late or maybe tomorrow. It's been a big day at my keyboard..
I'm eager to read your upcoming words. Please don't panic...it may never happen! 🙂 lol That's a MH joke btw. Not personal..
Talk soon;
Sez
SN...great you ended up grasping my concept. I'm glad it wasn't about using your situation to express my interpretation. Lub lub xo
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hello Sez,
I will tell you what I told my Pysch when she asked me what I actually felt..sorry not word for word but close.
Imagine your 3-4 years old and your taken to the city with mum and dad shopping. All of a sudden your on your own your parent are no where around you now.. your lost, terrified, crying, and shaking because your so frightened, your lost and don't know what to do, The people around you are pointing at you, grabbing you to take you, yelling at you. This feeling is what I live with daily. I have gone without food or drinks for days because I am to frightened to go to the shops, when I get there, I'll walk in and 9 out of 10, I leave with nothing but tears, everything is to overwhelming and frightening to accomplish...People just scare me. I have no trust at all with people ( strangers). People I know I'm very cautious around, on egg shells. I lock myself in my home 6 out of 7 days. I don't feel safe out side, when I can work myself up to walk I just want to be home, so most walks end up one house down.. I am having no counciling for this atm, because only my last appointment 1 felt safe enough to start to disclose my life. Which put me back down into my hell hard place..
When I read your response, my first reaction was finally someone knows, understands my hurt, pain loneliness constant fear and tears from not knowing who I am and how to live.., yes if I was looking at me from someone else, I would say I am an adult with the emotions, thoughts, actions of a small child....
I really do appreciate you so much for that.. I have with much sadness accepted that this and will reamain my life, I don't know anymore how to change me and if it's possible at all. But if it is possible I would do absolutely anything to change me..Sez I just want some peace...
Im sorry if I wrote to long or not what your asking me for, but I needed to put this out there because you know..
Karen.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Dear Karen;
Your post was extremely soulful to read as you described a heartbreaking analogy to your therapist. What you told her makes perfect sense to me.
Those of us who've experienced in childhood - toxic parenting, violence, abandonment, betrayal and/or sexual assault; a plethora of traumatic events piled up on top of each other, can be trapped within our little minds until we find insight, information, courage and the will to venture out one tiny step at a time.
Our patterns of behaviour were developed a very long time ago. They're based on surviving life, not living it.
With c-ptsd, traumatic experiences are so prevalent, it's daunting to think we got thru it at all. But...we have. And that's important to remember, because let's face it.. we're really great at surviving!
Compared to what we've gone thru, recovery's a much better option wouldn't you agree?
You'll get the peace you seek. It might not be as quickly as you'd like, but it WILL happen..
Sit quietly in a room you consider safe. Take a slow, deep breath and look around the room; is there anything or anyone that can harm you? No? Look again and breathe, are you physically ok? Yes? Do you have control of your immediate environment? Yes? Can anything occur without you saying so for one moment in time? No? Look at where you're at; Karen...you're safe! You're really and truly safe.. maybe for the first time. And guess what? You're alone. 🙂
Now you know what it feels like. One moment of true peace.. a blessing. Give yourself a hug, because this is the first day of the rest of your life.
Take care;
Sez
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Dear Sez.
It took quite a long time to write my post out because as I was doing so I completely lost my hold on my emotions and cried so hard, remembering the pain I get when trying to do those things I mentioned and just how pathetic my life has been/is and how I've had to try to live it.
The hurt or pain, I go to at times is undescribable, The depth of that pain is soul searing when I'm thrown into it by triggers.
Sez I agree that recovery is a far better option compared to what we've been through, but it's something I had given up on a long time again,
You say I will get the peace that I seek, that it will take time, I am willing to try no matter how much time it takes to get that peace.
Thank you Sez, I did what you told me to do, it took quite a number of tries before I managed to do that properly, I'm sure I did it properly because for a moment, my mind heard something it hasn't heard for a long time, it heard nothing, Sez my mind was quiet for a few moments.. There was nothing...My tears are falling again as I write this.
Sez, your last sentence is daunting to me. I had accepted that I would never have a peaceful mind. Now I'm confused.
Grandy
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
It's ok to feel confused Karen;
When you consider our minds were 'conditioned' to think a certain way, it's not going to be an overnight success unlearning everything.
Those few moments of 'nothing' you felt was a glaring success of biblical proportions! Don't you want more of that?
My last comment;
"This is the first day of the rest of your life!"
I said this out loud after my first moment of peace; it was like a re-birth. I saw it as a 'do-over' opportunity with light at the end of the tunnel.
What you're probably feeling is the precipice between yesterday and today; the unknown gap from slowly dying, to slowly healing. Your mind was made up, so challenging that is bound to cause conflict.
My life prior to 5 was so traumatic, people still talk about it. Those yrs were a prime developmental stage as an infant and what I learned stayed affected what I learned later on. As baby's don't have language, they experience the world as tactile feelings in their bodies and express them either internally or externally like screaming.
When people with c-ptsd go thru enormous panic/pain/fear, it can, but not always, be a flashback to infancy. At least it was for me. I still have one memory from 18 months old that took yrs of therapy, to understand it caused major skewed beliefs within my subconscious.
I only uncovered how to let it go last yr, and that was by accident. The underlying issues were abandonment, betrayal, loss, grief and internalised anger. I was a tiny little girl. How could I possibly know how to get over it by myself? I did learn from it though unfortunately. I carried those beliefs into every decision I ever made.
Now I'm here..
Who would've thought I'd still be alive, let alone a peer supporter on BB? Miracles do happen!
Keeping the faith;
Sez
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hello Sara,
I'm really sorry that you also had a horrid childhood, and later on as well. Sorry Sez. I've been writing and rewriting but can't think very well today..Silly as this might sound. I burnt some toast this morning..That all I did..
I'll try again tonight, I seem to feel better of a night when it dark..
Karen
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hello Sez,
Thank you for your reply Sez. To answer your question..Yes I do want more of it... I managed to find that little bit of quiet, really early this morning, it was dark, I cannot get it back all day..I've tried do the little excercise several times today and cannot do it.. I got triggered this morning, they bring me down I tried to get the quiet back but no. They are in my head instead, telling me how stupid I am for burning the toast.
When I get flash backs they are so real, so unbelievably frightening, I really don't want to go here atm, the deepest of all depth is reached nearly instantly with flashback for me.. Triggers are everywhere for me, TV is only for DVDs, Radio stays off, no music except Meditation/mindfulness apps, I burnt some toast this morning, I won't go into details of what happened when I burnt the toast but my parents made sure I never burnt toast again in a hurry.The instant fear that I felt when the toast burnt has controlled my whole day today,just laying around, hiding, crying, feeling useless, scared....
I have not that I can remember ever had anger towards anyone, only once and that once taught me never to have it again, I was only around 4 years old but can remember so vividly that time of temper/anger...
You have a great insight to your mental health, I admire you for you hard work you put into achieving a better understanding of mental health..
I can't make myself do anything that I don't want to do, This is hard to expain, I'm so used to been ordered , what, when, where and why to do things, that I cannot do things that need doing because, I don't know how to..it's confusing and nobody is telling/ordering me to do so..
Again your last sentence, this time is of a great achievement in your life and it's yours you achieved it..I have achieved nothing in my life..What a waste I feel I am to society, the world.
Karen.
- Mark as New
- Follow Post
- Mute
- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Permalink
- Report Post
Hi Grandy;
I'm thinking it's best if I continue this conversation on your thread as it's very personal. I'm going there now to post ok.
Talk soon;
Sez