Complex PTSD - What is it and how do we cope?

[Just Sara]

'Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma disorder) is a psychological disorder thought to occur as a result of repetitive, prolonged trauma involving sustained abuse or abandonment by a caregiver or other interpersonal relationships with an uneven power dynamic.' Wikipedia description..

I think this pretty much sums it up yeah?

I wish I could underline; '..relationships with an uneven power dynamic'. In my own case, C-PTSD was triggered by bullying in my workplace from 2008 until 2014. I developed symptoms such as Anxiety/Panic that grew in severity until a tragic breakdown in 2014. I was forced to medically retire.

Although my history of multiple trauma's and childhood abuse caused specific responses in me from an early age, I thought I was normal and everyone was the same. In fact, a lot of people in my inner circle were.

Decades later, I find out those friends/family members/acquaintances had gone thru their own traumatic situations. So why wouldn't I feel normal around them?

Today, as opposed to the 70's/80's (my adolescence/young adulthood) where abuse wasn't discussed, people have resources to out their pain and confusion in spaces like BB forum or with psychologists, social workers, medico's, psychiatrists and even friends/family.

Treatment has become the 'norm' instead of going it alone which is what many of us here had to do until society caught up with this 'pandemic' (IMO) of psychological disorders.

So, why create a thread dedicated to C-PTSD? Well, stigma and misconception around it's still rife in our society, and people suffering with this horrible disorder and not realising it is a constant.

Your views are absolutely welcome! We really do need to talk about it as consequences of C-PTSD and the benefits of therapy are worthy and an important part of recovery.

Newcomers and current members alike are encouraged to post; old, young, male or female.

Let's pick each other's brain and see where it leads...

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[Just Sara]

I felt a bad after what I wrote Idk. I forget people don't understand sometimes being new to it all, so I apologise.

The thing is I've had my own episode tonight. It's been coming on for a while; the signs were there so I've been waiting for it to surface so I can get thru the really unpleasant stuff. I've taken some med's to calm me, which is all it does ok. There's no high from them as if you take more than is necessary you go to sleep.

I don't take them during the day for this reason unless there's out of control panic and fear. I stay at home, don't drive and settle in bed with the blinds down. These are strategies I've formed over time that work for me and my lifestyle. I also take an anti depressant for depression which works well.

It's times when flashbacks occur I find medication very helpful to ease the burden. I'm not cured; nobody actually is. We learn to live with it and cope better with safety plans and response plans in place ready for such events. This might include a person to call, medication on hand or a trip to hospital if suicidal tendencies get too much.

I know someone who keeps one anti anxiety pill in his car just in case. I don't know if you've been caught out driving during an episode, but it's horrible.

I'm not trying to move you on, I'm explaining that helping you might have triggered my own stuff. Part of my recovery and learning is about stepping back from trying to save people.

If you visit my thread; 'Getting to know you...or is that me?' in the Journey over the long term section of the forum. It's a long read being around 1500 posts and 60 pages, but there may be something of value there for you.

Visiting others in that section might be good too. If you use your personal thread as a journal of thoughts, once it reaches 100 posts it'll be sent there and won't show up on the New Posts Button. This is a community of people, so there's lots to learn, many to talk with and maybe even people you can help too.

There's a lot of pressure for me sometimes sticking with specific people. I get too emotionally involved (I'm crying now thinking about it) because it triggers feeling accountable for my younger siblings growing up. There's lots I could tell you, but for now I need to rest and take a break.

I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I need to step back for a short while to regroup my thoughts.

You take care ok..

Sez x

[Idkme]

oh Sez, you're such a beautiful soul,

I'm so sorry you have to hurt so badly, I wish I could ease your pain and make things better for you. You need to be kind to yourself, you do such an amazing job keeping up with posts here and messaging people.

Sometimes, I guess, it's easy to get caught up in your own issues (mine that is) and don't realise the impact your words are having on others. You have helped me all you need to, even just telling me to stop acting to my inner child has made a difference... You've also given me information to read and been the voice of reason.

I completely understand if you need some time and space... after all it's hard to look after others if you haven't been looking after yourself.

So please be kind and maybe when you start feeling more centered, you can come back and share some of your coping techniques or discoveries.

rest and mend well....

[Hopps]

Hi everyone.

This is my first post. I have C-PTSD (among other things lol) I was diagnosed 12 years ago. I have been in therapy for most of that time but only found a therapist that is actually helpful a couple of years ago.

Like others that have posted here I wonder if this is just who I am now. I don’t remember the old me anymore, just the trauma.

I can’t work anymore and I’m really isolated, I don’t have friends or extended family but it’s kind of nice to see others posting here about “recovery” and having better days. It gives me hope 🙂

I saw a post the other day that said “I never knew rock bottom had a basement” which pretty much sums me up right now. It did make me laugh though.

I’m looking forward to reading more of your posts and just wanted to say hi.

X

[Joyjoy28]

I am too a new member I have had cots since I was a child I have struggled but now am finally learning to let go of the pain that held me from being me I still have my inner critic but now I don't feel so lost and abandoned as I tell myself I deserve joy and have learnt to care for me I was once in a dark place where I felt hopeless but light started when I met a beautiful friend who has been in the dark too we trust laugh and celebrate friendship

[startingnew]

Hi Sez,
im sorry its taken me sooo long to get back here. Hmm that 'young girl' is still here, im in the middle of making sure she is safe so I cant get msyelf out of the dark patch. But no I couldnt have imagined surviving this far let alone actually supporting others.


Yes, you are right, change of any sort is hard really, let alone when youve constantly 'lived' your trauma. Honestly I dont think your changing who you are but rather revelaing the 'you' under all the anxiety, and depression and associated effects of that. While you might be loosinf independence in some ways, your also gaining it in others.


I can relate very much to what you said about restrive and dysfunctional boundaries. While I know that having most of the roles and responsibilities that I have arent 'normal' they are rather normal to me. It doesnt mean I have to like it but it does make stepping outside those boundaries and my norm makes it even more difficult. Any goal can be hard to reach esp when it is pushing those boundaries but keep that goal in mind, any baby step counts. It doesnt matter how small and yes of course youll have set backs. You are human afterall, and no one is immune to the tough stuff.

I can feel in your last post your in need of just some breathing time. Please take time for yourself to just regroup. Find that peace within.


Love BW
xoxoxox

[startingnew]

Hi idkme
It is good to have your input here as well.
You have been so much, and I do get putting on that mask and pretending everythings ok. Sometimes it works, other times it doesnt. While we can pretend things are fine, there is a lot of stuff brewing underneath that needs to be addressed. I still pretend things are fine even when they arent because of my current situation and not being believed or accepted as someone who is in need of abit of support for mh.

Accepting compliments is hard for me too, any time someone says something nice about me I question it and deny it. Having so much self doubt and hatred, stops a lot of that often because our mind doesnt believe we are worthy of them so instead it denys and brings out the sabotage.
Perhaps you could try thought challanging as an exercise?

IM glad that you are seeking help from a psychologist, I feel a lot of your questions and worries would be good to explore with her/him as well.

Since ive been here I have learnt to nuture that inner child, I have had Sez on many many occassions tell me to SLOW DOWN and have PATIENCE. The way my brain was working (and still kinda does) is its either all in or nothing, there was no in between. Whatever it was it had to be done right now. Something to remember is that despite the urgency, there is only so much that can be achieved each day. You wont find all your answers, learn about yourself, learn how to cope and be able to move forward all in a short space of time. Your brain also needs time to process the day and what youve learnt or talked about. I didnt find 'discipling' to be that efficient but rather the soothing side of things. I had to find things to do that enabled me to relax, usually a walk around the block and focussing on breathing for a few minutes works well. Crochetting and artwork lately has been very good, it gives me the chance to switch off abit but also have something in my hands if sh urges come up. Have you any relaxing hobbies yourself?

[startingnew]

Hi flighty,
its nice to hear back from you again. I hope that things are a little easier since your post and youve been able to bring yourself out of the darkness. I think it would be worth meantioning to your supports that you need some help with strategies. If they think we are coping then they usually dont ask...
who are your current supports may I ask? Myself and others may be able to recommend some other supports as well.


Yes I do get repressed memories, mostly because what was happening to me I thought was ok until I realised it wasnt and a lot more memories come about. Sometimes a brains way of coping is to shut out those memories until something triggers them. Do you know what mightve triggerred them?

[startingnew]

Hello Hopps and welcome!


Im sorry that things are so tough for you right now, the trauma though doesnt define who you are it often just covers up the 'real you'
Have you considered taking up a hobby or joining an interest group so that your not so isolated?
And also considered talking to a therapist again? They may also be able to help you out of the darkness and help you to work through whats currently happening for you?




Hello and welcome Joy!
It is really good to hear you have a friend to confide in as well as being able to let go of that pain in order to see some light again. Thats really inspiring.

[Idkme]

Thank you startingnew,

i have a lot of new things to learn and patience is one that’s not forth coming, I will burn down soon and re-regulate, but while I’m busy it’s good to try as much as possible to learn what I can....

I do crotcheting and cross stitch, but I do need to find a way to settle myself.... I just have such a desire to ‘know’. But yes it’s tiring and I’m wearing out.

Thanks again

[Guest8901]

Hi Idkme,

I've been following your posts over the past couple of weeks, and I can say that I can definitely relate to your need to learn all you can about this disorder of C-PTSD. I was so much the same when I was first diagnosed. I'd never heard of it before, and I just couldnt seem to get enough information about it as I desired. I searched the 'net, and read as much about it as I could. I was like a sponge, trying to absorb everything I could.

Knowledge is power, so they say, and its to our advantage to know and understand whats going on and why. So I totally get your desire to 'know' all you can. Even though I'm practically an old hand at this now, I still find I'm constantly searching for more information. Its very helpful discussing things with others here on the forums as well. I know we are all a little different, but its good to hear how others cope in similar circumstances, and to learn of their personal experiences. So while ever you feel the need to discuss, ask or compare here on BB ... by all means .. please continue to do so.

In time, you will need to take a mental break however. So I really hope you can find something calming and relaxing to do in those times. A time to regroup and regather your energy.

Amanda