Complex PTSD - What is it and how do we cope?

[Just Sara]

'Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma disorder) is a psychological disorder thought to occur as a result of repetitive, prolonged trauma involving sustained abuse or abandonment by a caregiver or other interpersonal relationships with an uneven power dynamic.' Wikipedia description..

I think this pretty much sums it up yeah?

I wish I could underline; '..relationships with an uneven power dynamic'. In my own case, C-PTSD was triggered by bullying in my workplace from 2008 until 2014. I developed symptoms such as Anxiety/Panic that grew in severity until a tragic breakdown in 2014. I was forced to medically retire.

Although my history of multiple trauma's and childhood abuse caused specific responses in me from an early age, I thought I was normal and everyone was the same. In fact, a lot of people in my inner circle were.

Decades later, I find out those friends/family members/acquaintances had gone thru their own traumatic situations. So why wouldn't I feel normal around them?

Today, as opposed to the 70's/80's (my adolescence/young adulthood) where abuse wasn't discussed, people have resources to out their pain and confusion in spaces like BB forum or with psychologists, social workers, medico's, psychiatrists and even friends/family.

Treatment has become the 'norm' instead of going it alone which is what many of us here had to do until society caught up with this 'pandemic' (IMO) of psychological disorders.

So, why create a thread dedicated to C-PTSD? Well, stigma and misconception around it's still rife in our society, and people suffering with this horrible disorder and not realising it is a constant.

Your views are absolutely welcome! We really do need to talk about it as consequences of C-PTSD and the benefits of therapy are worthy and an important part of recovery.

Newcomers and current members alike are encouraged to post; old, young, male or female.

Let's pick each other's brain and see where it leads...

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[demonblaster]

Hi Ayisha ☺ welcome to bb and to forums. You've landed at an excellent place. So much support experience and compassion here.

Your 1st post is very impressive. So articulate and clear. I have no doubt it'll be of help to many including myself also a relatively new diagnosis amidst other MH issues. It's given me a clearer understanding of several things.

All the very best with your book. Like a song a book remains.
It can continue to help and make a positve difference in peoples lives 👌

Take care darl and everyone
Thank you for posting and all the best in your journey ⚘ which goes for everyone.

Sez, Such a great thread chooky 👍 💛 best to ya lovey 🤗

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome to our caring community Ishy;

I'm glad you found our forums; talking with like minded souls who've 'been there' will hopefully bring relief and refreshes your faith in people.

I'm 58 also and was only diagnosed in 2015 after a breakdown in 2014. Like you I wanted to write a book but coming on here gave me that type of therapy in abundance and then some! lol

I see you tried to post twice; this happens a lot with newbies. It takes a little while for your post to appear due to being moderated, so please be patient until the system works out you're not a threat to yourself or others. Hopefully it'll get quicker in time.

6 yrs old is really young to be suffering with cptsd Ishy. Your life must've been really hard. If you want to discuss it here you're more than welcome to. Our anonymity gives us a secure and safe place to talk without fear of judgement from family or society.

I'm wondering, (was just sitting here pondering how young you were when it started) if you've created patterns that mimicked what you learned in life back then. One pattern of mine causing further cptsd distress, is that I've been a 'survivor', a 'stayer', a 'fighter' when it wasn't necessarily the best way to go.

My birth was extremely traumatic. The nurse said she'd never seen a baby fight to live like that. (I met her by coincidence in my 40's) There have been quite a few traumatic experiences since where that quality came thru to help me survive, but the resulting damage to my mind eventually caught up with me.

I needed to learn that sometimes staying is more damaging than walking away or stepping back. Asking for help doesn't go astray either, or getting a 2nd opinion. Just a few lessons...

I take an anti depressant and prn anti anxiety med's for over the top symptoms. It's rare these days thanks to my recovery. When I was in crisis, the anti anxiety pills (benzodiazapine) saved my life, without them I would've perished.

So please, enjoy your time here. Make friends and sigh a little...

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[LKH]

Yes whitenile, I believe I'm the same. The term complex trauma was mentioned to me months back but I felt okay then and didn't want to think about it, it was the beginning of denial. But now as the crippling depression and severe emotional outbursts have returned I have started to look into it. I suffered emotional abuse, trauma and neglect until I was 16. I think c-ptsd fits with everything, but all I know to do now is research and contemplate actually talking with a professional about it. Even though my inner critic says they won't believe me or will drug me or that I don't deserve help because of what the childhood trauma instilled in me.

The best option for both of us is to find out as much as possible I guess and speak to proffessionals who will actually listen to us.

Hope you're doing okay x

[startingnew]

Hi Ayisha

It is great to see you continuing to post. Thank you for sharing some of your story, Sez has pretty much written my post for me. 6 yrs old is so young, I cant imagine the challages youve had to face growing up. I havent dealt with addiction myself but the others youve meantioned I have experienced and still continue to experience. It is great to hear that youve been able to work on your relationships, 16yrs is amazing!
I am sure your book will also help many people to learn about CPTSD too, well done for writing it.


Each day is different but these days I am coping better but with the help of my supports both online and offline, medications and continuing to learn/utilise my skills and coping methods to get through those dark days.


Do you still continue to see your supports? How are you coping these days?

[startingnew]

Hi LKH and welcome.
Thank you for sharing part of your story too. I also sufferred different traumas including abuse in my childhood/teenage years so while it might feel like a lonley place to be in there are other people out there who can relate to your experiences.
Seeking a professional can be scary but it is worth it. I havent had the best yr with professionals but its all a learing experience I suppose. Each person is different so what works for others might not work for you in regards to therapy. For some they find it worthwwhile talking about the traumas they endured while others would prefer to learn to manage the 'now' and move on from the past rather than rexplore it. Either way you need to do what feels right for you.
Trauma puts so much doubt and fear into our minds but you do deserve help and support, try not to let that inner critic stop you from reaching out to others. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, we are here for you if you need to talk as well.

[LKH]

Thanks Startingnew,

I have started to open up more to friends and family and it is helping as well as just trying to be nice to myself.. almost like the mother I never had and it's been incredibly difficult and exhausting but it is very helpful. I do want to focus on coping mechanisms but I think that for me personally I need to be validated right now, as most of what I suffered that still affects me the most is the emotional abuse and Neglect I received as a baby and child.

so hard to stay strong in the dark times or when you think you're fine and then crumble into pieces but I am still trying and in a better place than I was even a couple of weeks ago 🙂 hope every one is keeping on x

[LKH]

I'm scared and confused.

i started talking with friends last night in a safe space and we went through that touch therapy thing. I reacted to many things that are normal as if I was scared and sick to my stomach even though it was my partner playing the role of potential abuser and I knew that. Things started coming back to me and I understood them to a point I could begin to process. Only thing is now, I feel like a fool. I always considered myself "lucky" to have only been abused physically and mentally but now... I don't remember exactly what happened, but I remember the place in my head I escaped to and the people inside to protect me. Now I'm just so scared that I've finally come to terms with having complex ptsd and now I find out there's even more layers that I'm scared to uncover.

I didn't deserve this life, none of us did. It just hurts to mourn the loss of who you should have been and what part of you has become.

just need some kind words today, I'm going to treat my inner self as kind as I can today... she deserves it.

[startingnew]

Hello LKH


Validation is a big thing for me too and im sure many others. When youve been abused, shut down, neglected, we also tend to start to hide away and worry about whether our fears, worries are real and also that it is ok to talk and to be heard as well not just in one ear and out the other.


Its ok to be scared and confused, we cant be ok all the time. I too react to many things considered normal, even things like holding hands it makes me feel abit sick. Im better with that now but I struggle with hugs and being physically close with someone.


Your most definently not a fool, and no you didnt deserve anything that happened to you. Trauma and pain of any kind changes people for sure. Treating your inner self sounds like a good plan to me.

[Just Sara]

Thanks Butterfly Wings for keeping the home fires burning and being here for members. You're pretty good at it too I see. What a treasure you've turned out to be...🙂

I'm here today to talk about something personal. It occurred to me that getting well brings its own set of problems re the cptsd round-a-bout.

Deep in my psyche, planted there when I was a young girl, are memories and beliefs about being safe with my grandparents on their rural property. Visits were an escape from the fear of my daily home life.

I 'get' there's no going back, but I still feel raw and exposed even though I've come leaps and bounds with my recovery. That place in my youth was a haven; a safety zone that was impenetrable.

The honest truth? I don't know if I can do it. I didn't know what was holding me back, but I get it now. I'm so exhausted. I don't just 'want' to be taken care of, I really 'need' it to be that way for a while.

Cptsd sufferers aren't super human. We need a break from our pain and fear now and then. And, maybe someone to hold our hands. Nothing wrong with that is there?

Recovery's exposed me to life - alone. All my plans, my goals and dreams are tied up with being independent. Once this suited me, but now it's threatening. Maybe I'm turning up the heat to avoid stepping out into the unknown and taking a huge risk. After-all, it's part of the cptsd process; overthinking the what-if's to revert back to fear as a means of control...normality.

I need to think more about this.

Have a great daylight saving's Sunday.

Take care;

Sez x

[startingnew]

Evening Sez, aww your so lovely and sweet. xoxo

i like what youve written though i cant seem to get my brain into gear today to respond to you! Keep sharing your thought though, im as well as many others are reading 🙂