Complex PTSD - What is it and how do we cope?

[Just Sara]

'Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD; also known as complex trauma disorder) is a psychological disorder thought to occur as a result of repetitive, prolonged trauma involving sustained abuse or abandonment by a caregiver or other interpersonal relationships with an uneven power dynamic.' Wikipedia description..

I think this pretty much sums it up yeah?

I wish I could underline; '..relationships with an uneven power dynamic'. In my own case, C-PTSD was triggered by bullying in my workplace from 2008 until 2014. I developed symptoms such as Anxiety/Panic that grew in severity until a tragic breakdown in 2014. I was forced to medically retire.

Although my history of multiple trauma's and childhood abuse caused specific responses in me from an early age, I thought I was normal and everyone was the same. In fact, a lot of people in my inner circle were.

Decades later, I find out those friends/family members/acquaintances had gone thru their own traumatic situations. So why wouldn't I feel normal around them?

Today, as opposed to the 70's/80's (my adolescence/young adulthood) where abuse wasn't discussed, people have resources to out their pain and confusion in spaces like BB forum or with psychologists, social workers, medico's, psychiatrists and even friends/family.

Treatment has become the 'norm' instead of going it alone which is what many of us here had to do until society caught up with this 'pandemic' (IMO) of psychological disorders.

So, why create a thread dedicated to C-PTSD? Well, stigma and misconception around it's still rife in our society, and people suffering with this horrible disorder and not realising it is a constant.

Your views are absolutely welcome! We really do need to talk about it as consequences of C-PTSD and the benefits of therapy are worthy and an important part of recovery.

Newcomers and current members alike are encouraged to post; old, young, male or female.

Let's pick each other's brain and see where it leads...

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[StaticRose51]

whats scaring me the most is explaining all of this to my family and being open and honest everyone is getting older and I am having to be at my best to take care of them and also get support and freedoms to live my best postive life. 🙂 So any ideas.

[StaticRose51]

Flighty what has helped you the most with dealing with childhood trauma that is tough especially when your abusive persons are still alive and require care, the worst is when they are manipulative and insight into your flashbacks doesn't help when you would like to be honest. Have finally reconnected and got past this yet is it at all possivle? Can one have hope or is it impossible. I try to keep up with my fitness and nutrition and also hobbies and talking to others in the family is impossible at the moment becuase they are all caught up with their own lives one is experiencing a messy divorce and this has trigged me to no end. Any tips and suggestions you caould provide at the moment would be helpful/ 🙂 stay safe and take care hunny

[Celery]

HI Sara , Thx for starting this informative thread on CPtsd. I was diagnosed with Ptsd last year. And know now that I have CPtsd which I believe overrides the ptsd ten fold. My life has always been difficult due to being raised in a fear based home with a violent alcoholic father and a Mum who was emotionally unavailable who also at times was violent. I always felt awkward as a child and believed that I was the cause of my parents problems. I wet my bed from a young age and my mother would be so angry with me she would rub the wet sheets in my face. I recently discovered that my insomnia could be learnt as I was so frightened to go to sleep at night in fear of my mother being angry again. Before I decided to go to sleep I would talk to my 6 year old self and tell her she was not allowed to wet her bed because she would make her mother sad. I know I was neglected in many areas of my life from 5 to 15 yrs...well that's a whole other story that I will leave alone at the moment. Im starting to sift through the hard stuff now with some help from a psych and also a 12 step programme. I know that I have walked and run through life with dysfunctional and distorted thinking, unreliable coping mechanisms and a warped belief system. I can understand most of what happened to me but cannot catch myself before I fall into thoughts of self disposal driven by shame, self hatred and guilt. I see my psychologist next week and will read some of this important thread to him as I have seen many pshycologists over the last 30 years with no relief. Thx lil

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Rose;

I'm glad you've written on this thread as it seems you're in need of some comfort and understanding. I know you've asked for advice, but for now I'd like to focus on your well-being if that's ok. Startingnew has provided some really helpful ideas on how to side-track triggers with coping strategies. I'd like to add to those later after we get to know each other better.

You've asked many questions and all are important, but it's a bit overwhelming to try to help with it all at one go. There's treatment/therapy, caring for elderly abusers, stalking, childhood abuse, openly disclosing your condition/history, family/cultural issues and responsibilities with how you fit into the scheme of things while still being true to yourself. I hope this is a fair summary of your situation. This is huge! So one thing at a time eh? 😐

On this forum we promote looking after ourselves first and foremost as a path to recovery. This in itself is probably one of the hardest lessons to learn, especially when cultural issues are in play. We have a multicultural section with 'James1' who's a lovely man with heaps of compassion and understanding. It might be good to pop in there for a yak as well. 🙂

With cptsd though, a diagnosis by a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist will get the ball rolling with your GP, treatment plan and coping strategies. Please read thru this thread to see if any experiences or ideas gel with you, then post back to tell me how you went. I'm also very interested to know how you're doing mentally and emotionally.

Lovely to meet you;

Kind thoughts;

Sez

PS.. there are lots of info sheets in the blue section below if you feel like reading. And don't forget Lifeline and BeyondBlue crisis phone chat services too. There's lots of support out there... 🙂

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome to our caring community Celery; 🙂

It's great to see you're being proactive as well as realistic with your healing process. Getting to know yourself is the best way to achieve this, but it normally takes people a while to grasp the concept. You seem to have it in the bag though. Kudos!

Does this mean you can sometimes be someone who blames themselves for how others treat you? Those childhood beliefs 'get in' don't they?

One of my biggies was believing I did something to make my defacto (love of my life) violently rape me when I was 21. I only dealt with that one around 12 months ago; I'm 58.

So having understanding and compassion for who you (and others) are underneath will serve you well. With my scenario above, I didn't want to believe my beau would ever do that intentionally. It had to have been me right? My mum helped to enforce this belief.

In my home growing up, no-one left. They stayed and stayed; thru violence, addiction, abuse and toxic dysfunction - they stayed. I left as soon as I could in my late teens.

That's been my legacy; (one of my patterns) make bad choices, put up with it thinking I had no choice, until I couldn't do it anymore, then leave. My sisters weren't so self motivated; they married (and stayed with) men like their father.

Recovery's about changing habitual 'learned' responses, beliefs and behaviour. You're right. It's not just about joining the dots, it's about changing ourselves 'despite' others and how we've been; lots of forgiving. Step 8 I believe...

Triggers? Well they're signs telling us we're not being true to ourselves and are damaged from dysfunctional 'stuff'. (This word covers everything. It's like the word 'things', real handy in a pinch. Ha ha)

Hope things go well with your psych. Would love to hear about it!

Great meeting you..

Warm thoughts;

Sez

[Celery]

HI Sez, Thx for your reply. I chuckled at your comment "you have got it in the bag". Im really in a dark place at the moment. I left my partner, home, and chooks in April (2nd time) and I still struggle with is it my mental illness, CPtsd being is he my trigger?? or my illness that casuses me to isolate and push him away??? as in I am not good enough..or am I to needy because of my upbringing which causes us t o both become a confused hot mess?? I'm not sure if I have done the right thing in moving away (self doubt) as Now I am living with my son in a unit with my dog as well. There is no garden for my pup and no sunlight until 12 o clock. I have no job, unemployed and lonely. My son does not understand my illness and thinks I should just pull up my socks..not an attitude I want to hear. It makes it so much more difficult to heal when your own family members don't get it. My son is the only family I have left so I have no where else to go except for the street and I find that frightening.

[Just Sara]

Hi again Celery;

I'm sorry about your situation. Decisions like those are painful and so bloody confusing at the best of times let alone with MH problems. I really feel for you hun.

As for "..got it in the bag", I was referring to how confident you were writing and the way you understood the concept of personal change.

This stage is the most difficult for 'others' to cope with - the way you're changing doesn't fit into the way they normally perceive you. How frightened, upset and seemingly out of control you are and seeing you so, so needy is really hard on them.

Loved ones go thru their own process with us too. Some support us, some shy away and some tell you to wake up to yourself. Watching you suffer with an invisible demon they don't understand or can control gets to them.

If you think about it, trying to comfort someone grieving for a lost child is probably a no-go zone for most when it comes to the 'right words' eh? This is a very similar situation where people aren't prepared to cope, so everyone just wings it.

And yes, it's an added pressure to your healing process. I was fortunate (or unfortunate) to live alone so what I went thru wasn't in front of others. If I visited people I'd usually end up crying/panicked in the toilet then make a quick excuse and exit. It's horrible falling apart in front of people.

It was a relief to walk thru my front door where I could be myself without having to worry about what I looked like when my eyes were popping out of my head due to panic, or how red I was from holding my breath trying not to cry.

Having your own space to be who you need to be is a real treasure. It's ok to fall apart Celery, it truly is. Some of the stuff we uncover and deal with can be unimaginably painful and shocking. We deserve a wonderfully supportive and empathy driven family who know how to help us, but that's not reality. And, it's likely they're affected (or triggered?) by dysfunction anyway.

So, learning to cope 'regardless' is what it takes.

I'm online most days hun, helping you thru this quagmire of emotions and confusion is what I'm here to do. Lean on me ok.

How about telling me about why you think 'he's' your trigger? That might be a good start eh.

Please remember, you have more strength and survival instincts than most.

Kind thoughts;

Sez x

[Ggrand]

Hello Sez...

I just wanted to thank you for this great thread, I’m still following and trying to use to my advantage the wonderful help, suggestions and advice you are giving people,...you as well Little butterfly...love you both...

Thank you again Sara, your post is helping more people then you realise..I just had to come in to say how much I appreciate your insight, as well as my appreciation of you..

Love and respect....xxx Hugs and love.....🤗🤗💜, and some beautiful 🌹 roses for a beautiful person...

Grandy...

[Just Sara]

Thankyou for that beautiful feedback Grandy. It's an honour to be able to serve my community with what I've learned...passing it forward 🙂

Brave people are the ones who seek help on forums. I really feel for souls who try to go it alone. Being here for each other is a gift eh?

I had a heart to heart with my mum last night about my birth and her situation at that time. What struck me was how quiet she's been about her life until now. She's given away snippets, but only like pieces of a jigsaw.

It's obvious to me after listening to how incredibly violent and frightening her home was growing up, that she and her siblings are all victims of cptsd as well; I'm a victim of a victim.

Suffering in silence was their norm. It was for us too, but the 70's was a time of revolution and we were the pioneers who paved the way for therapy and disclosure. My mums generation was ruled by secrets.

I guess what I'm saying, is that when you look deeper behind the eyes of your childhood abusers, there's a story too. Forgiving their damaged humanity as we would our own, does help to alleviate some of the pain and frustration. It also helps me understand and deal with our relationship better.

Just my thoughts for today;

Caring thoughts to all;

Sez xo

[Flighty]

Thank you startingnew 🙂

Yes, I am in therapy and I am reading The Body keeps the score which has been very enlightening. Each week I have a new thing to do for myself, from my therapist, which can be challenging as I've always put everyone else first ... baby steps every day!

First week was to treat myself as I would my daughters when they are having a bad day, soft blanket, a movie, warm drink. 2nd week just walk each day, doesn't matter where or how long as long as I go, it definitely helps on negative days. 3rd week was healthy food plan.

Yesterday I had therapy and my hubby was able to come along and we told him some of my history. It has been good to know he now knows, scary, emotional but also less lonely now. If that makes sense.

I'm still struggling with moments of disbelief and questioning my memories and whether it really is so bad but from what I've read acceptance is a major part of healing as well as a really difficult step. So gently I go, 1 day at a time and I trust my therapist to guide the process along.

I agree that my diagnosis doesn't define me but it has absolutely helped me realise that my hubby is not the bad guy and helps me understand more why I have been so self sabotaging in relationships and why I react the way I do at times. I've always just wanted to feel "normal and happy" and couldn't understand why life just always felt so hard. Now I understand and that for me is a huge relief that I'm not just crazy.

Thanks for your reply 🙂