completely new to this PTSD from ex partner and his family TRIGGER WARNING suicide

[Jiinkz]

hey, i dont really know how this works but i need support or some advice on dealing with my ex partners suicide attempt and also being physically assulted by his family. I can still smell and feel how cold and still the air was when i found him in my garage. I have flashbacks of that night. Certain things wig me out like walking into a garage by myself, i get instant flashbacks and break into tears. After i wash my hair i get anxious or scared to get out of the shower as thats where i was when he attempted suicide, as soon as he left in the ambulance i collected my things to folllow to the hospital but was stopped at my front door by his sister, brother, friend and sister in law, bashed out the front of my house robbed and then left me there. When my ex was in a stable condition his family told him i left him there. ive since then told him the truth of the night and have gone our seperate ways. he blames me for his suicide attempt. I cant sleep at night i wake up in sweats and tears. i dont know what im to do i struggle with major depression self harm and suicidal thoughts quite often. im crying out for help.

[Sophie_M]

Welcome to the forums, Jiinkz, we are so glad that you've taken a big step in sharing your thoughts and feelings here with our wonderful community. It can be so hard to reach out for support after such a traumatic experience.

Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need. It really sounds like you've been through so much, which would be so tough to try to cope with on your own. 

We would also really encourage you to get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. Our friendly counsellors can talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals for potential ongoing support. 

As well as this, we would strongly urge that in overwhelming moments you get in touch with our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467), as they sometimes speak with people who have witness a suicide or suicide attempt, and/or have been bereaved by suicide. 

Most importantly, we really want to let you know that you are not alone and shouldn't have to work through your trauma without support. We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it. 

[Croix]

Dear Jiinkz~

Welcome here, this is as it says a support forum and you are welcome to talk about anything as often as you like. And now is the exact time you need support. Major depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts all show how badly you are affected and how important it is not to have to try to endure them in isolation.

Sadly you have several things that have harmed you. The loss of someone you love, the doubts and self-blame over his trying to take his life, and the reaction both of himself and his family afterwards. Add to that trauma - the shock of entering that garage and finding him there.

Dealing with each of those things is a long process and as Sophie_M had told you Beyond Blue does deal a lot to about the subject starting with our 24/7 counseling service link plus

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/suicide-prevention/after-a-suicide-loss/experiencing-trauma-after-a-suicide-loss

and pages leading from there.

For me to be blamed would be the worst thing. It is only natural to wonder about one's own actions and if they in some way contributed. To have others say it too is terible. Even if you had been having an argument, which often happens, that is a normal part of life and is simply something people sort out.

Blame, by self or others is always completely unjustified

People take their own lives or try to, and the reasons are within themselves, not with you or others. When bound up with all those other things it may take a long time to see in perspective, but it does come

Trying to deal with it all in isolation, his family rejecting you rather than comforting you, and his reaction too are things you, if you are like me, would need professional help to cope with. It's important and in no way a reflection on you to need that help, so see what our 24/7 help line given above by Sophie suggests.

Your physical reactions to the cold, to getting out the shower and everything else are to be expected and again will require time and professional help to get over. Even a death from natural causes , such as that of my wife, left me for a very long time with not wanting to repeat what I was doing at the time, not wanting to go near the hospital or smell and noise of the place

To start with I did not want to listen to those who tried to comfort, it was sort of meaningless. Eventually I did listen and came to see the care -even if clumsy- that was present

Do you have anyone , family or friend perhaps, to lean on and share your greif?

Croix

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