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PTSD and trauma

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A_Tech PTSD for Medical and First Responders
  • replies: 276

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting t... View more

Hi, Well obviously this my situation. I was hoping to find others here that might have a similar background to chat with, it can be so hard to talk about this stuff with non-med people (and I mean no disrespect, it's just often graffic or upsetting to others). Im a 40 year old female that has spent the last 10years in the State Trauma Hospital as an Anaesthetic Technician. My PTSD was brought about after years of exposure to shocking traumas, deaths, and no support from management. I would love to hear from anyone that has a similar story, or just wants to chat. Cheers

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DearHedgehog Does it get easier?
  • replies: 1

Venting on recovery process I suppose? I’m 31 years old and two years ago after dealing with growing up with domestic violence and an unstable home life I called my mother out on her partner molesting me numerous times throughout teenage years and ea... View more

Venting on recovery process I suppose? I’m 31 years old and two years ago after dealing with growing up with domestic violence and an unstable home life I called my mother out on her partner molesting me numerous times throughout teenage years and early adulthood. It hurt. A lot. Because the only way I have ever dealt with it was to blame myself or that it didn’t matter as long as my mother and sister were happy or keep the family together. But what hurt more was my mother knew. There were multiple times I was the reason for the fighting because I told her, and it always ended up ‘my decision’... I was a kid terrified of losing my family and home. What else was I meant to do? I had started therapy two year ago for depression and anxiety but it wasn’t until later I opened up about abuse. And it wasn’t until that confrontation I really addressed it for what it was. To then be told ‘well it’s your fault, why didn’t you do something’ To me that was the final straw because yes it was all my fault then. I wanted to commit suicide, and I ended up checking myself in. From there I tried to work on things. Therapy stopped due to limits and I just kind of ignored things again? I got work throughout 2019 and I shoved it all down again I suppose? 2020 happened. Isolation makes it so easy to get so worse again. Finally started therapy anew in October and this time round it’s really about the childhood abuse. I’m struggling with PTSD and agoraphobia and just… I either feel nothing. No motivation. I go days without doing anything around the house or looking after myself. Or I feel so incredibly angry and upset. The idea of the outside world is too much. Living is too much. It’s this festering weight on my chest and knots my stomach. It’s horrible. Does it ever get easier? Does working through it all ever get easier? I know feeling it so intensely is because I’ve shoved it down so long and now I’m trying to process it but I’m just so tired of it all... I ended up getting a medical certificate for Centrelink as I’m currently on Jobseeker but it ended this week and I’m agonising over whether I should ask my therapist for another one. I don’t want to be a dole bludger… I don’t want to seem weak or avoiding things but I also know I’m just not well right now and it’s so incredibly frustrating. Like I said I’m just so tired of it all to the point I wonder am I even worth it you know?

Alone_in_Perth Any advice/input will be greatly appreciated
  • replies: 3

Hi...I'm 63 years old, and really need to talk with someone. For the past ~18 months or so I've been triggered to cry & sob most every day. Here are some of the things that are triggering me: If I see someone being kind or caring towards another pers... View more

Hi...I'm 63 years old, and really need to talk with someone. For the past ~18 months or so I've been triggered to cry & sob most every day. Here are some of the things that are triggering me: If I see someone being kind or caring towards another person. Hearing songs/music from my past bring me to tears. And at times I seem to break down and sob for no apparent reason at all. The past 3 years of my life have been tumultuous in many ways. My marriage broke down 3.5 years ago. My 35 year old son is addicted to drugs and has developed drug induced psychosis. My 40 year old daughter & I have been estranged these past 18 months, and 2 years ago I had to write a deposition for the National Redress Scheme outlining the sexual abuse I received at school in the late 1960's. Writing the deposition brought back long repressed memories & feelings of the 4 years that I was in "care". I've had several consultations with psychologists, but found it difficult to get beyond the language and cultural divide. I don't know anyone here in Perth, and I go weeks, sometimes months without talking with anyone. I've gone down the antidepressant path, but haven't been able to physically tolerate them. I've tried many kinds, and all make me physically unwell to the degree that I was hospitalized twice from adverse reactions. Any advice/input will be greatly appreciated...Thank you.

the_black_rabbit hi... i'm the black rappit *Trigger Warning*
  • replies: 35

it said on the rules that i need to introduce myself to other new users, so i gess i'l do that now. i'm the black rabbit. the name "black rabbit" was based on an a fictional character that i crated, witch is a tall cartoonish black rabbit whewing a w... View more

it said on the rules that i need to introduce myself to other new users, so i gess i'l do that now. i'm the black rabbit. the name "black rabbit" was based on an a fictional character that i crated, witch is a tall cartoonish black rabbit whewing a white hoodie with the wards "no homo" on it in the same look as the subrem white hoodie i've been drawing the black rabbit in order to express the feelings and emotions that i've been having, with is really helpful, i help get my feelings on a with confus and allway feel better aferwods. wow... whiting this has made me feel good, i'm actchaly exited to see you'r react-shuns no this thanks for reding (sorry for the misspellings, me automatic spelling isn't perfect)

Maz10 Traumatic Memories - medication
  • replies: 3

Hi Guys Im new here and would like the assistance of the collective wisdom/experience of this group. Last year I had medication infusions as a treatment for PTSD (and chronic pain) and then more lately a different medication (primarily for chronic in... View more

Hi Guys Im new here and would like the assistance of the collective wisdom/experience of this group. Last year I had medication infusions as a treatment for PTSD (and chronic pain) and then more lately a different medication (primarily for chronic inflammation and pain - but it is also used for PTSD). I suspect that both these treatments have resulted in me remembering aspects of an extremely traumatic event- ones that I previously had no memory of and were locked away in my brain as a coping mechanism. Both these treatments restore neural functioning in the brain and normally this would be a good thing for chronic ptsd and pain but now I am experiencing unwanted memories and intrusive thoughts that are playing havoc with my already fragile mental health - in particular I am getting locked into a dissociative/derealisation state that I cant seem to break out of for hours on end. Has anyone had anything similar happen to them, and how have you coped? Thanks Maz

_syd_ My partner of 12 years says he was raped as a child by his step dad.
  • replies: 7

Hi This is pretty heavy. Recently I’ve been struggling with anxiety due to an incident. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life but that doesn’t make the hard times any easier. I get worried that I can be to self consumed sometimes... View more

Hi This is pretty heavy. Recently I’ve been struggling with anxiety due to an incident. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression most of my life but that doesn’t make the hard times any easier. I get worried that I can be to self consumed sometimes and well this is just too important for me to mess up. Christmas night everyone had, had a bit too much to eat and drink. My partner and his brothers ALWAYS have “deep” conversations once they get intoxicated. They each have a lot of resentment about their childhood. Nothing about the night was different to every other drunken night they’ve spent together, until my partner exploded and said that he was raped by his step dad and that he knows for a fact that his younger brother was to because he witnessed it. The step dad is biological father to the younger brother. A physical fight started to break out so I just went into action mode to try and seperate everyone and ensure nothing to serious ensued. I feel like I was the only one there who tried to stop the fight - and I got pushed around a fair bit etc. My adrenaline was in over drive- which is not fun for someone who has already been severely impacted by anxiety. Everyone was physically safe after the scramble and I managed to get everyone home safely. My partner wouldn’t really talk to me that night and I didn’t push it either for fear of saying the wrong thing or making matters worse. Boxing Day was a write off and I didn’t try and push conversation with my partner. * I still haven’t brought up the issue with him. How do I even do this ? He’s not usually someone to share his feelings * I’m unsure if this information is true. I have no reason to not believe him. He is not the sort of person to lie about something so serious but what if he was just really really drunk? * What support is out there for men and sexual assault? How can I encourage him to get help? * How do I try and cope with this knowledge? my mind cannot comprehend or compartmentalise this information. This step father is someone who is still apart of our lives and we see him from time to time. Ive been with my partner for over 12 years now and this is the first time I’ve heard about this. It breaks my heart and I feel so incredibly useless and inadequate. I feel lost. I feel guilty that my own issues weigh on my partner and our relationship. Its been 4 days since he said this out loud and I still haven’t done or said a single thing.

jonno86 New member wishing he knew where to start and what to do
  • replies: 13

Hi , This feels really strange posting to a message board, after stumbling upon an article about C-PTSD, which bought me to tears, firstly from the kindness I felt in people's posts and replies, but also for hugging myself after reading a thread whic... View more

Hi , This feels really strange posting to a message board, after stumbling upon an article about C-PTSD, which bought me to tears, firstly from the kindness I felt in people's posts and replies, but also for hugging myself after reading a thread which made me feel like I was not alone, and that some of my feelings, in some way, were normal. I guess, the thing which really stood out to me from the post I read had something to do with finally being separated from primary abusers, and being in a 'child like' state, which, if I am honest, after a lifetime of trauma and abuse, and finally, being in my own new home, alone - I am so confused as to why I have never felt worse, in so so many ways. My social anxiety, panic attacks, felling's of self worth and depression - have never been worse, which, which I consider what I have experienced in life, is so confusing to me and so incredibly scary. The past 1.5 years have been a massive journey of discovery and learning. After some treatment programs, and a lot of therapy and journaling. I have come to remember and partially understand countless things that have happened to me from childhood until now. My current understanding, is that being raised by a very ill mother, with multiple diagnosis's (and me obviously having my own), lead me down a developmental path, and life, which, is far from normal. The impact of my childhood, adolescence and adult life, during which, most of the time, I was unaware in so many of what was ACTUALLY happening, has caused so many issues, some of which can and have been diagnosed (C-PTSD, OCD, GAD, Attachment Disorder) and others which I would describe as coping mechanism's or behavior's other which I still struggle to understand. The most scary and confusing part is how much I have deteriorated since being alone - I feel like I am only now starting, or trying to understand, how I go about healing and becoming a functional human being. I have no idea what that road ahead looks like, what supports I need, how to go about it, what advice to seek.... and often, feel more confused, lost, lonely, anxious and depressed than I ever have, even when experiencing actual trauma. I understand that everyone's journey is different, and I know there are people far worse off than me... but, these new feeling have caused me to do things and have thoughts I have never had, which I just don't know how to deal with... Hoping this makes sense....

Istvan Really struggling with severe PTSD, Anxiety & Panic Attacks
  • replies: 3

I’ve been fighting depression most of my life. The last 15 years PTSD and Anxiety/Panic Attacks. I am unable to take medication that affects serotonin and have suffered many hospitalisations due to serotonin syndrome. CBT over the years has little to... View more

I’ve been fighting depression most of my life. The last 15 years PTSD and Anxiety/Panic Attacks. I am unable to take medication that affects serotonin and have suffered many hospitalisations due to serotonin syndrome. CBT over the years has little to no affect and I feel at best hopeless all of the time that there is very little that can be done to help me. I really don’t know where to turn or who to ask for help when my psychiatrist admitted he could not help me. There are so many different reasons for my conditions and outside of my doctors struggle greatly reaching out for help, advice or understanding. My biggest problem is my inability to talk to friends, family let alone strangers and I fear my future as my world has become extremely difficult to navigate. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I struggle to use the telephone to communicate.

Bl8ke Coping with child abuse 18 years later.
  • replies: 4

Hi, Not sure how to explain myself it’s a subject I can’t even discuss with my partner or family. My sister and I spent our childhood being mistreated and raised in an unsafe environment. With our parents divorced early life was tough especially with... View more

Hi, Not sure how to explain myself it’s a subject I can’t even discuss with my partner or family. My sister and I spent our childhood being mistreated and raised in an unsafe environment. With our parents divorced early life was tough especially with drugs and alcohol involved. There are a lot of things kids probably shouldn’t be witnessed to even at an early age of 6. But unfortunately those were the cards we were delt. Now 18 years after I’m married with my own son. And yet everyday for many years I continue to wake up feeling sad and worthless. Some social anxiety and trouble fitting in and communicating with people. I can never forget or let go those bad days my sister and I had. Sometimes I find myself frozen in the car unable to get out. Or laying in bed thinking I should of ended it years ago before starting a family. I know now what not to be when raising my son but I just can never get over it or feel any better.

Guest_89 PTSD and sleeping IN BED
  • replies: 4

I'm nineteen years old, and diagnoses are: anorexia, ptsd, anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. I can't sleep in beds!! So with PTSD.... along with many other symptoms, I have this symptom that I can't seem to find any ... View more

I'm nineteen years old, and diagnoses are: anorexia, ptsd, anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive personality disorder. I can't sleep in beds!! So with PTSD.... along with many other symptoms, I have this symptom that I can't seem to find any online information on, and I can't find any info on other ptsd sufferers with a similar experience. My sleep isn't great, I'll probably sleep four or five nights a week (not quality sleep) and for the other nights I won't even get an hours sleep... but this is apparently common for people with ptsd. What I CANNOT seem to find info on or relating people, is this other symptom... I CANNOT sleep in my bed (any bed for that matter). If I'm having a good week, I can force myself to sleep ON TOP of the bed, but I haven't slept IN BED (like under the covers and blankets) for about 2.5 years. On a bad week, I can't even sleep on top of my bed, so I sleep on the ground. It's not only my own bed... I can't sleep in hospital beds, other people's beds, etc etc. Has anyone else experienced this??? I feel completely alone and crazy and weird for this and I don't understand why I do it. I've told a psychiatrist about this issue once, but they just ignored it and never asked anything about it... even though it's a huge problem for me. 1. it's not normal, it's weird as all hell 2. I get so so cold at night 3. When I sleep on the ground i don't get a good sleep because it's SO uncomfortable 4. It's been going on for over 2 years.... And I could be wrong, maybe it's not a ptsd symptom, it may be a symptom of one of my other mental illnesses, but I have NO IDEA.

Collie5023 Worst year of my life
  • replies: 4

This has been the worst year of my life. I left an abusive marriage early in the year, lost most of my so-called friends as they didn't believe me, and felt that as I had not been hit, then it didn't count. as abuse I left with little more than the c... View more

This has been the worst year of my life. I left an abusive marriage early in the year, lost most of my so-called friends as they didn't believe me, and felt that as I had not been hit, then it didn't count. as abuse I left with little more than the clothes on my back, moving states, leaving my beautiful pets. I returned to where my adult kids are, had to find a job and somewhere to live, after being retired/carer for 10 years...and then Covid hit. I couldn't get the face-to-face counselling I needed, the human contact I craved, hugs, and many times I spent hours in the phone or online chat to Lifeline, crying for hours. Apart from my mental health, my physical health suffered greatly - I have collapsed and been hospitalised several times, with everything inevitably put down to stress (which is obviously "better" than it being heart condition or worse!) I managed to get phone counselling, but although it was good, for me at my age (60) I prefer face-to-face. After 10 sessions, I was told I still needed much more, and advised to see GP for mental health plan. For many reasons this has failed (not the least of which is being told if I didn't take the first appt they offered, then obviously my situation "wasn't that serious." I stupidly seek out photos of ex (Facebook etc) which then leads to me spiralling quickly into panic attacks, anxiety etc. He looks so happy. He moved on 5 weeks after I left him. I have nightmares about thinking he's going to kill me, or my family. My logical side knows this man is evil, he is a narcissist who screwed seriously with my self-esteem and mental health, and I am safer not to be near him. But my lonely side misses having someone around, even if I was scared of that person. Fast forward to recently finding a family member semi-conscious following a serious suicide attempt - I have had to compartmentalise the pain of this, in order to focus on helping her. I am scared of what she might do, scared of losing her, scared of saying the wrong thing, scared that I was part of her reasons for self-harm. I put on a brave face around people but underneath, my brain is screaming that I can't take any more. This time of year is full of horrible memories of violence from ex husband last year...I have a lovely kind man in my life recently, who treats me with such respect, but I worry that nobody will ever love me if I can't love myself. At the age of 60...