Abused as a child by older siblings possibly left me mentally traumatized

OrangePenguin · ‎13-09-2015

I just realised that I've had a problem deep within me, I'm currently 20 years old. I started to be self aware at 18, because I left home for study on my own, since then I've been facing a lot of real life situation problems, work, social, interpersonal relationship, romance, financial, and stuff. I was doing all right, until I've had my first big breakdown, I left all 3 of my job, my academic record went downhill, relationship with my family gone worse from bad, and ultimately a girl left me. I'm totally depressed for good 6 months.

At that time, I reflected all of my life, what went wrong. Then, my childhood memories struck me. I recalled all the nasty stuff what my brothers did to me when I was a child. We're 5&6 years apart, I'm the youngest of 3. I was overweight, they always called me fat. physically abused me, it still left a scars on my body. Once, they made me believe that our parents found me in the dumpster, and forced to raise me. Publicly humiliate me. I wrote a diary and love letter for a girl, they found it and tease me for years, yes years, I don't have enough space to spill it all here. Just to let you know what I've been through. I've always looked up to them, I wanted them to accept me so badly. I never really saw that as a kind of big deal when I was a kid, I cried almost everyday because of them, and yet I still desperately trying to get close to them. I never feel loved, nor accepted.

They have outgrown their nasty habits now and trying to atone their doing, but I can't yet to trust them. Is there really any link between childhood trauma and the later on life? Or it's just that I'm trying to find something to blame for my situations? Either way, I'm fed up with this "me". I want to fix this.

Thank you for reading this, any suggestion or advice would be much appreciated!

Jacko777 · ‎14-09-2015

Hi OrangePenguin,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums mate, I was really sad to read your story. But the great thing is, you are on your journey, you are seeking help and knowledge, you will find it and you will feel happier, it will take time for you to work through these things you are faced with but right now I want you take some satisfaction from being on your journey, (life is always a journey, not a destination) thank your self for having the courage to make a move, well done from me too mate.

I had some life changing events as a child too and it took me decades to see how that had affected me and I how I could recover. I had big issues with trust and jealously and it was affecting just about every area of my life. But I could never have seen it with my own eyes, I needed a professional looking from outside to make me aware. With psychologists and counsellor I have had realisations and treatments that have changed my life so much for the better. So my suggestion is that you find a good counsellor, good meaning one that you can connect with, take their advice on board, make some changes in your thinking and your actions and mate, you will nail this.

A quote, from Zig Ziglar I think; "You can't change where you are overnight, but you can change which direction you are headed in, overnight." You have changed direction OP, well done, we are really proud of you. Talk any time.

Jack

Neil_1 · ‎14-09-2015

Hi there Orange Penguin

Hey, cute name by the way and also, welcome to Beyond Blue.

Ok, so your brothers have finally grown up and matured out of their evil ways – well, at least that is a positive and something to work on.

But I can tell you from my own experience, that yes, whatever that happens to you as a child, quite often can produce awful effects to that person as the years move on. Absolutely.

But what I’m sensing strongly from you is that you’re looking to correct this and to be able to come to terms with the past and take on your life now, jumping in with both feet. I hope I’ve kind of nailed that.

I know on here, you can receive different points of view, some great support and also helpful advice, but we here are also all fellow sufferers of our own particular issues and as such, we’re not fully qualified to help you get through this. I’m not saying for one sec that we don’t want you here; because we do and I’m really pleased that you’ve been able to come here and provide your post.

My above point was more of (in a roundabout kind of way) hopefully trying to point you in the direction of a professional counsellor so that maybe you could go through your issues, talk them out, release emotional ties that you’ve got and to help point you in the right direction for your future.

I’m just wondering whether as a first port of call, you could get to a GP and from that, they might be able to refer you to an appropriate counsellor to commence your positive path forward.

I do hope I’ve not gone over the line there, and have responded with an ok reply to you.

Kind regards

Neil

Ladyhawke · ‎14-09-2015

Hi OrangePenguin. Yes, childhood traumas can most definitely cause major problems for us as we get older. Abuse of any kind in childhood can have a devastating effect on how we value ourselves and our self esteem. I agree with the other respondents: we cannot give you adequate help with 2500 word limit and I think it would be fair to say that most of us are not professionally qualifified to give you any definitive answers. What we can do is draw on our own experiences, offer suggestions that may be of help and provide you with community support. I think you may benefit a great deal from discussing the things that bother you with someone who has the resources to help you - either a psychologist or counsellor. You are still quite young, so talking about any problems you may have now will be much more helpful than just sitting with these negative feelings and waiting. I really do agree with the other members who have suggested you speak to your GP, tell him/her that you have been having some negative feelings and would like to speak with a counsellor or psychologist. The sooner you ask for help, the sooner you will find it. I hope you take our advice. Best wishes.

humfrey · ‎21-10-2015

Yes there is definitely a link between childhood trauma and problems later in life. I am speaking from personal experience.

The human brain is still growing as a young adult, and is not fully developed until your early twenties. This might explain why some problems that are too difficult to cope with get "stored away" in a dark corner of the mind, until the brain is capable of dealing with the trauma. It's like the brain says "that memory is too difficult, I'll deal with it later".

It must be very difficult to trust your brothers considering how much pain they caused you. Maybe you could focus on building trust within relationships with other people, outside of your family.

Seeing a psychologist could really help, but choose carefully. Firstly - do they have training and experience dealing with childhood trauma? If not, find another one. Do you feel that you can get on ok with them? You don't have to "like" them necessarily, but you do need to find someone you can trust and respect. If not, find another one. You can research online, and you can call them for a chat to ask questions before booking an appointment. This is really important. A good psychologist can help you a lot, but if they're a bad fit for you, they can make things worse. See your doctor for a referral and to get Medicare funding so you don't pay full price.

Good luck.

This is my first post to try and help someone else, so I hope it was helpful.