Abandonment x 3

[Gaabby]

Hi all,

Just sharing my experience with childhood abandonment - my past trauma is still incredibly present in my every day life. As I’ve been told by psychotherapists, it’s no wonder my issues are present, because I have had 20 odd years of telling myself that I’m not good enough.

my Dad left my family when I was four. It took us years to realise he left to another country. No letters, no phone calls. Soon after that, my mum started a new family, devoting herself to three more children. During all of this, I became incredibly codependent on my older brother. He was truly my rock. Who eventually left me in search of my dad.

i felt like, in three different ways, the people I loved the most sort out to leave or avoid loving me. To this day, I’m still fighting for quality time with my mum, trying to keep these relationships together. I now speak to my dad as well. Which is hard because you kind of have all of these expectations of how it should be, and it’s nothing like you expect. It’s distant mateship really.

im just all sorts of ready to not feel fear in my present life. I’m also ready to feel like myself and my needs are worth catering to. My self confidence is 0, and my sense of worth often comes last to me.

thanks all

G

[SammyB]

Hi Gaabby,

Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry that you feel continuously neglected and abandoned by your family. Despite your pain and trauma, you are still trying to maintain your relationships with your mum and dad, this strength is something to admire about yourself. You sound like a very caring person which must be hard when others do not return the level of love and support you give them.

Our relationships can seem to weaken, strengthen or even end throughout different stages of our life and sometimes it can be hard to accept that they are not ‘how they should be’. Your needs are important and worthwhile regardless of the state of your relationships, yet I understand how upsetting it must be to not feel heard or valued by your family.

Have you been able to express any of these feelings you shared here to them? Working through how these conversations may look like can help with communicating your needs. Here if you’d like to talk things through more.

Sammy