this is difficult

[1fr4]

Hi guys, I'm a uni student who moved from India last year, I'm going to turn 20... it's 2025, a new year and for some time now, I've come to reflect on my experiences living alone here. This was my first time living independently and although I receive support, I come from a dysfunctional family. I have never done anything other than study until year 12. Coming here has shown me how I live life (and I don't think it's healthy at all, others can see it too). I suspect I have ADHD, Anxiety & Depression. It's been pretty hard for me but even taking care of myself like cooking meals and keeping myself clean has been a huge challenge. Most of all, I feel like I've barely even studied in my first year. I'll start the next year soon and recounting everything, I feel like everything is too much. I feel like crying but I've only done it from the inside. Seeking professional help is expensive and my relationships with family and friends and most of all, myself are very bad and inconsistent. What do I do? Where do I even begin? 

[Croix]

Dear 1fr4~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. I'm not sure you realise how well you have actually done and can only see the down sides at the moment.

You have traveled to a strange country away from any support you might have got from family and friends and are adapting to a different culture (even if it uses a similar language.)

On top of that you have been attempting study whilst looking after yourself.  All this can be pretty overwhelming and lead one to forget real accomplishments.

If your country has a reciprocal Medicare agreement or if you have purchased Overseas Student Health Cover (OSHC) then things are simpler and you can be eligible for bulk billing, otherwise you pay full price.

The reason I mention this is becuse I think it is most important that you have a firm diagnosis of any mental health issues and/or neurodiversity you may have so they can be addressed properly. I do not think that to do otherwise would be the best thing for you as you would have no clear path to take.. My own depression and anxiety only improved after correct treatment.

As a first step is it possible to see a councilor at your university and see what they say. Additionally if your uni and an active Students' Union it may be worth talking to them  too.

Depending upon your beliefs it may be that there is a center for spiritual guidance or worship near you where you may also receive support.

It is a hard situation but you are making good headway amongst many difficulties. If you felt like saying how you get on that would be great

Croix

[tranzcrybe]

I think we all need a support mechanism as doing things alone can lead to tunnel vision and poor decision making.

You mentioned living alone. Any chance of getting a roommate?

It could be someone in your course or sharing similar interests/background for company without having to 'maintain' a relationship per se.

You might be helping them out as well as reducing costs (perhaps find someone who can cook?!).

Alternatively, and this may sound like only adding more burden, you could find some casual work (if your visa allows) to get yourself out of your own head for a while.

As they say, a change is as good as a holiday.

Despite the reported dysfunctional family, maintain regular communication as this can help centre your thoughts and remain grounded - there is always a 'plan B' when things don't turn out as expected.

In the meantime show a little care for yourself with good grooming.

Invest in yourself to lift spirits: get a decent haircut and dress to impress to escape the 'grown child' mentality - you are a functioning adult with a multitude of (untapped) skills over and above studies.

Embracing such activities can diversify your view of life and contextualise other obligations. Organisation will be a high priority though so it can be wise to set up a schedule for work and play; but, if managed well, you will find that one motivates the other.

You have learnt much this first year... and survived.

Celebrate your achievements and remedy those deficiencies you recognise.

We are all a work of art in progress and you hold the brush!

[Scared]

All the advice given is good and we are lucky to have good people who offer guidance

In life we dont always need to take advancing steps forward.

Sometimes we need to go backwards first before we can move forward again.

If going back to India to sort yourself out and start again in 2026 may be an option.

Im not suggesting you do this but it does give you another option if you realise this is not a failure but rather a strategic move like in chess.

Failure can only happen if you give up and retreating for your mental health is not giving up its smart.

What im trying to say is there are always options that are open and the good people on BBlue are here to help you expand different ideas.

I know only too well our cognative abilities suffer when under duress.

I hope others can add to some guidance for you

[1fr4]

Hi Croix,

thank you 🙂 And yes! I feel like after a whole year of having no idea what's going on, I went to my counsellor for some help midway. They suspected I have Anxiety and ADHD and said it'd be great to get a diagnosis. Honestly seeking mental help is still kind of new and not at the same time. Like I'm not sure about the process of seeking help, Ig i just expect myself to be perfect (this ain't possible but my brain wants to believe and push me to live up with it, ik it's too much to take on). I definitely feel like running away from meds and still new to telling my unhelpful thoughts and discover what's going on. Still seeking help would be better than things much more worse ah! Thank youu, I'll also what fun things I can do to keep myself up and going 

I really appreciate you talking to me, I can see that for half a year I seemed to forgot i potentially have ADHD and just blamed myself so thank you 

[1fr4]

Hi Tranzcrybe,

You're so right, I NEED A ROUTINE because that's what made me keep going in school. You've also made me think that maybe reaching to others is good, I can definitely talk to a few family members and also try making one friend atleast for now. It'd be good for me to stay connected cause I dread being myself and about roommate, I do get roommates but so far none that I can build a level of trust and understanding with. First one I had lived me with me and they lived in our place as though they were the only one in our shared space, no thinking about my space and comfort like yk not towering the sink with dishes and stuff. Whereas, my second roommate and I barely see each other because of work and we'll move out soon and I'll get a new one. Maybe I should see and make friends with the new roommate I get. Speaking of work, I do get to work and honestly I'm making okay progress in my work life since I'm new. The days I have work are the only days I feel like I have it in me honestly. It's slowly giving me confidence, slowly but surely. 

Organization has always been a problem for me, like I try to organize myself and just overthink when things are really less complex than I make them out to be. So yes! thank you so much ❤️ I'm making a plan as we speak to set myself up for the coming year! 

Thanks a lot, tranzcrybe. I appreciate it and take care

[1fr4]

Hi Scared,

First of all, may I ask why you set your name as Scared?

Secondly, I think it's a great option for me to take a step back and protect myself rather than burn myself out here and I get you (smart way of saying chess aye). I think I just need to take time and step back these holidays and talk to people around me too like you said get guidance. And you're so right, my brain stops thinking through things when I'm stressed out or haven't eaten (uh oh) but yesss I tink talking to people I trust or people with similar problems would help me approach myself better. Thank you so much ❤️

[Croix]

Dear 1fr4~

As someone wiht an anxiety condition I expected perfection, and that was not helpful in the least, mainly as I'm not perfect so never felt I lived up to my standards and was thus a failure.

Meds and therapy has helped a lot and while I can quite understand your hesitations I think it might help to remember you are in charge. Any meds, or therapy take place with  your OK, and if you can keep in close touch wiht you doctor then any untoward effects can be dealt with quickly.

Anxiety is simply an illness and like most needs the correct treatment for you to lead a reasonable life, with motivation for the things you need to do.

In the meantime yes do things you enjoy and can look forward to. The other advice you have is excellent

Croix