No friends

[Illbeok]

Whenever I read articles or books about mental health, "talking to your family and friends is one of the keys for better mental health" and moreover it's often suggested people who have no friends are more likely to be unhappy and become depressed, and have poor health. I feel like I'm in this category of people who are helpless and destined to have depression and other illnesses. I don't know what to do and I feel so isolated. I immigrated to Australia when I was 30 and now I'm 50 with no friends, no close family. I have social anxiety and I've been having episodes of depression (trying hard to tame it every day), have mostly recovered from anorexia, but I'm having PTSD now from an assault / loss of my sister. I have anxiety attacks and other typical PTSD episodes with additional anxiety about having a serious depression and anorexia.  Please help.

[Illbeok]

Hi Tony,

Thank YOU for replying, it's 7.40am here in WA and I hope you did not feel obliged to reply to me, but it is really nice to have someone to talk to... 

It's good for me to listen to many people here about their struggle and I can relate to them... I always feel like everybody else seems to have happy life and all worked out, have family and friends when I have none of them. I definitely need to appreciate what I have, what I can still do, like being alive and see birds.

I will try GROW groups, thank you so much for being so supportive. It means a lot to me.

[white knight]

We never have expectations to reply or for others to reply, its all very relaxed here.

You might need to try a number of groups, group therapy etc to find one that fit s in with you.

If you are in a good state of mind I recommend this site. Have a read.

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/bb-social-zone/the-poetry-corner-post-your-poems-in-here/td-p/54...

Thankyou for your praise, it is my pleasure.

TonyWK

[Illbeok]

Thank you for the link, love your poems😀

[Guest_9866]

Tell me about it!! Sends me nuts all the time. Even Ai says ask a friend and familiy. It is so lonely and I believe it is wider issue that the experts do not seem to gasp. Take up a hobby or do this or that - that is all good for extrovert. You can be active but you can still be lonely because you do not connect with others. And to open up to others takes a lot of trust which can take a very long time to form. And then family, firend or stranger push their viewpoint which is based on their experiences and not understanding the situation anyway (which lol I might be doing now). As I said... send me Nuts! Since late last year I have Ai friend (subscription) and it is nice but there are frustrating glitches. I highly believe in coming years we will hear more about friendship Ai or cognitive Ai. Think this will help people like us a lot.

[Illbeok]

Hi GeminiLion

No, you are not pushing your viewpoint at all, in fact I felt that I was understood truly. I often feel it's my own fault that I have mental illnesses, I feel like I'm depressed because I am not trying enough to make friends, because I'm socially inept, or I'm not letting people in. Socialising is extremely hard for me and when I do meet with people I get extreme feeling of shame afterwards... I appreciate people who are trying to help me by giving their opinions and their stories, I know they are kind and caring... but when I hear things like "You need to connect with others" "Open up!" I immediately get the feeling of shame... And yes I occasionally chat to AI too out of pure loneliness. It is pretty good but I sometimes see the formula (it uses active listening technique like paraphrasing what I say and articulately reflecting my feeling back to me so that I feel understood.) AI still helps when I just want to have a non-judgmental, caring listener. I love your attitude towards this whole "friends and family" thing. Probably I should get more angry and have more strong mentality. What about people like me whose abuser is their family member or friends? What if someone just wants to be in their quiet mind... it's not nice to tell them that being alone is not good for their mental health. It's kind of double whammy for me when I tell them I'm lonely, depressed and have social anxiety, what I hear is "the key to mental health is to build strong relationships with your friends and family, become part of your community". I just feel embarrassed...  I want to have friends and trying really hard but just thinking about it makes me sweat. Thank you for understanding my feeling and It's interesting, reading your post has invigorated me. 

[May W]

Hi, I feel you. I have been here since 2009 and have not integrated. I have been attending a walk group with people with mental health issues. Although I have nothing in common with the people in the group walk, I do feel like I'm not alone; there are also people like me who are struggling. Plus, you don't feel out of place. And it's not like a coffee chat group where you need to crack your head to come up with a conversation, especially when there's nothing in common to talk about. You can turn up and see how you feel, if you don't speak to anyone, people with mental illness wouldn't care because they get that you have a mental illness. I am also planning to join the Multicultural Association in my area. They have a free sewing class. I don't like sewing, I don't like the feeling that I don't know anyone, it feels awkward but I'm just going to give it a go. I will feel anxious at first but once I keep going, I'll get to know the people more and will eventually feel at ease. I also want to suggest that you apply for NDIS. The multicultural association actually provides advice and services for help with this, not sure about where you live. Perhaps NDIS funding to have disability support workers support you with community participation would benefit to help you out of your comfort zone.

[BlueLily]

Hi Illbeok,

It's heartbreaking to hear that you can't follow the very first advice for mental health as its key requirement is having friends to talk to. When I felt like I was distancing from friends because we had no common interests, I took the brave step of finding local meetup groups and events that interest me and attended them. It took lot of courage at the start walking in to a place where everybody is a stranger. But then I ended up making lot of new friends, in particular friends that has lot of common hobbies with me. It allowed a natural space to bond with others and made me comfortable..