Feeling really hopeless about high possibility of family rejecting me

[nevergiveup245]

Hi everyone,

I joined a few years ago but this is my first post here. I am Asian and identify as queer, but mostly attracted to women. I am in the closet for a few years now and not out to any family members. I am feeling hopeless right now because the high possibility of my parents rejecting me if I come out to them. Thinking about this has really affected me. I don’t have many lgbti friends I can really talk to, and I can’t see my psychologist any time soon. I am not thinking about coming out soon or anything, but just worrying about this makes me feel really down. Family is conservative and have conservative views of marriage and having kids and all. Some religious family members as well. I feel just all bogged down by this. But I also want to live in a way that is authentic to myself. How do you all deal with it? Is there any hope having family members like this?

[geoff]

hello Nevergiveup, I can understand the fear you have but doesn't the same happen when our parents want us to become a doctor when all you want to do is become a plumber, completely different, same as what situation you are in.

Conservative or not it's now legal to marry who you want to and it doesn't stop you from raising kids, the world hasn't changed, but the principles in life have changed, all for the better.

You are happy being the person you want to be and if you try and change that there will be much worse ramifications, be proud of who you are.

What would life be if we became the person that our parents want or even somebody else wants, you wouldn't be happy in life, remember you have to look after yourself that's your priority. Geoff.

[nevergiveup245]

The problem is that I am not Australian and am living in Aus on a temporary visa.. which makes it so much more difficult as my home country is not friendly towards lgbt people. I have anxiety as well which makes me ruminate about all the possible rejection by them.. would be great if any fellow asians can share some tips on how to cope.

[Donte]

Hello nevergiveup245 and welcome to the forums!

Thank you for sharing your experience and for seeking support from peer members.

There are a few things you mentioned worth dissecting:

Ethnicity and culture

Anxiety and fear of possible future rejection

Religion

Sexuality

Approval of family/others

Lack of available formal and informal supports

Creating your own path as an individual and living an authentic life.

I am Greek and queer, and by reading your thread I felt I can relate to all of the above.

As I was too petrified to ‘come out’, I got married to someone of the opposite sex and for 15 years lived in a ‘situational heterosexuality’ scenario. My daughter was 9 when I met someone of the same sex and fell in love. Divorced. Had 8 years in a same-sex relationship with them.

I’m still not ‘out’ to my mother or any relatives apart from my brother and my father. I come from a strict religious family and my dad was a priest all of his life.

I also didn’t have any LGBTIQ friends and as all this happened 30 years ago, society wasn’t as acceptant as today.

What helped me immensely during those years was contacting the Victorian AIDS Council and having counseling.

I also commenced attending groups such as Gay And Married, Greek And Gay, and doing some short support groups and courses like Momentum and Relationships as well as Anxiety support.

I also received support and free counseling from the sexual health nurses at Swanson Street Sexual Health Clinic.

Through the years I got in touch with Gay-friendly churches (as I was still a believer then) and reconciled my sexuality with my spirituality.

The AIDS Council website would be a great support if you choose to find out what resources, publications and courses/groups and other services they provide for your specific cultural background. This will be beneficial for you but also you can receive help for your family if you would like to. Not to mention the social benefits of attending groups like Asian and Queer etc.

This may be a very good start (if you haven’t contacted them already).

Also, I found Drummond Street Relationship Services very beneficial and low cost provision of counseling by bicultural professionals.

Beyondblue has private chat services to talk to a Counsellor and you can also talk to Lifeline or the Gay and Lesbian Switchboard.

Hope you receive all the support you need and please keep chatting here as well.

Kindest wishes