Accused of DV with no history or evidence

[dalirian]

Hi all,

After 10 yrs of being in a relationship and married for 7, my wife has slapped me DV charges and other herrendous charges. Her mother is a narcisstic person who has controlled her life and our relationship and has always been the reason for our arguments. Her father has called her fat and the need to loose weight and are now barracading her behind lawyers with fake and made up charges. They have stolen all the cash I have saved for us and now I'm left to fight to clear myself.

It was a shock the first 3 weeks, but now I'm getting better but feel alone. Haven't seen the kids in a month. They are poisoning the kids minds against me.

I asked my wife to see how her mum is manipulating her and they have thrown me away like trash.

is anyone out there with a similar situation and do you guys have any advice?

i don't know anyone and have been in the country less than 6 months.

Thank you.

[Hayfa]

Hi dalirian

I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through and I feel it must be particularly hard to be facing this alone since you are new here and don't know anyone yet.
Thank you for posting and welcome to the forums.

I do know someone who is going through a similar situation and it is so hard and heartbreaking. This person has older kids who have managed to be manipulated by their father and they have cut this poor mother off. Although there is no order out against anyone, it is still messy and the children are not making contact, there's also much bad talking going on and head filling with lies.

I think you would benefit by first of all taking some quiet time, by that I mean not saying anything to your wife until things start to cool down and maybe she will want to make contact when she sees that she is being manipulated and it's hard to lose the freedom you had when you're living with your parents.
If she doesn't make contact, try to reason with her so you can see the kids, more importantly if it is not repairable then you really do need to get some legal advice,

I am so sorry if this all sounds so harsh but it seems like the parents have been able to get a pretty strong hold on her. Do you have any friends overseas that you can talk to and they may talk to her also? Perhaps they can try to reason with her on your behalf?

Try as much as you can to remain the better person with the good logic because if this inevitably continues to legal proceedings then the judge will consider your actions as being part of your good character.
I hope it doesn't get to this stage and that you can find a way to try to speak to her, but meanwhile you need to look after yourself too because this is stressful. Take time out for yourself as well and really think about things so that you can react sensibly void of intense emotion.

hang in there.

[Spikeo]

Hi dalirian

Your situation is unfortunately not uncommon but try and stay strong. I completely agree with Haifa about being the better person. IF it gets to the court stage (i hope for you it doesnt) then any nasty abusive or even angry texts, conversations or actions you make will all come back to haunt you. Has happened to a friend of mine, i dont know how he kept it together but he stayed strong and smart and it worked out for him in the end.

Hopefully your wife will see for herself after being away from you and with her parents alot more, she will see the truth. Have faith and i also suggest seeing professional help foryour feelings and possibly even legal advice.

Wish you luck.

[Donte]

Hi dalirian,

You are going through a really tough time. Thank you for reaching out in this forum. I just saw your thread and hope that you have talked to someone and seeked help around this very complex issue. It's hard enough being in a new country and trying to adjust to new ways of living and behaving. To have to go through family issues and not knowing what supports are available would be really tough and a cause for distress and anxiety. There are family mediation centres where you can address those issues and they specialise in finding ways and developing strategies to meet halfway with your partner. Also, counselling and other supports such as telephone advice and chat lines. There is also a relationships and parenting section on these forums which I hope can help you with your situation. It's important for you to rectify access with your children who equally need you. The issue of boundaries is a common one in many communities and extended family can be a source of stress on couples. I hope you can get as much help you need from this webpage and by contacting family mediation services.