What happened doesn't have to define me

[Mia001]

Hi everyone!

I'm new here. Not really sure what to do. Where do I start? Any suggestions?

Mia

[Guest8901]

Thanks Mia, I expect my psych will have an email I can use, but I just dont know if she will be comfortable in me using it. But I will definitely ask her when I see her next. Otherwise, as you say, I can write things out or type them up on a word doc if I need to, and give them to her to read.

Good to hear you're having a relaxing weekend. Yes a big week for you, and your counsellor appointment coming up on Tuesday as well. It sounds like you're going to have a lot to talk about at that appointment. Good on you for washing the car. Its a chore I really dislike doing actually. But we have been getting quite a bit of rain the last 2 days, which is lovely. And I have taken the car out of the garage and left it in the rain. Yes, a pretty poor attempt at washing the car, but better than no attempt at all.

Yes I have seen your post to my thread. Thank you so much for visiting. I'm feeling a little triggered by my own thread at the moment and havent been on there much the last day or two. But I need to go in there and reply to the lovely people who have bothered to offer their support to me. Thanks Mia. Hope the remainder of your weekend continues to be relaxing.

Amanda

[Mia001]

Hi Mandy,

Hehehe, love how you wash your car! 😂

Yeah, I will have a lot to talk about on Tuesday. I haven’t seen my counsellor for 3-4 weeks now, and not since I sent her the email. Sometimes I feel like I need 2 consecutive appointments so we can talk about everything. I ALWAYS forget something!

I’m looking forward to my shift today. It was going to be an early start, but my manager rang yesterday to ask if I’d like to change it. So I get to sleep in! Woohoo!

I hope you’re okay.

Hugs,

Mia

[Guest8901]

Hello Mia. You've been quiet since your counsellor session on Tuesday. I've been thinking of you, and hoping it went well.

Hahaha, nice to hear you got an unexpected sleep in on Monday, with the later shift.

Thanks for asking after me too. I'm not great right now, but am getting through.

Hugs to you also.

Amanda

[Guest8901]

Hi Mia. Bit worried that we haven't heard from you in 5 or 6 days. Really hoping you're doing well, and that you have a busy and enjoyable weekend happening right now. No pressure Mia, but when you're feeling up to it, it would be great to hear how you're doing.

Wishing you the best, and sending a hug your way.

Amanda

[Mia001]

Hi Mandy,

I’m going okay at the moment, I’ve just been really busy. Seeing my counsellor has given me a lot to think about. She’s given me some breathing exercises to do to see if we can reduce my anxiety. Basically, I’m switched on high alert all the time, and I need to retrain my brain. I never really thought about it before, but it makes sense. How often do I feel completely safe and relaxed?

My shifts this week are all normal which is good. I think I might be coming down with a cold, but hopefully I’ll be fine for work tomorrow.

Hugs,

Mia

[Guest8901]

Hello again Mia. Very happy to hear back from you overnight. And even more pleased that you're doing okay at present.

Yes it does make sense about being on constantly high alert for danger or threats. Learning how to relax sounds like a reasonable step, and relaxed breathing is a good place to start. When I saw the psych 2 weeks ago, she mentioned that she would be going through some relaxation, mindfulness and breathing methods with me at some stage as well. I guess it all helps with allowing you to relax and feel less anxious. So it sounds like I may be following in your footsteps at some stage.

Sorry to hear that you may be coming down with a cold. I always think summer colds seem so much worse than winter ones. Anyway hopefully thats not the case for you, and perhaps its just a mild case of hayfever in this latest hot weather most of the country seems to be enduring. Bring on a cool change ... please!

I hope you have a good week Mia, sounds like work shifts are conducive to that. Will talk again soon.

Amanda

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

It's good to hear you are moving on with your life. I notice there are no references to your brother. Is this because you talked to your counsellor and no longer feel responsible? I do hope so.

How are you going with driving hours? My granddaughter has been amassing her hours just lately but she had a huge gap at one point and now has to do more. It seems you must accumulate all your hours in 12 months. So she will have to make more effort and collect her hours otherwise she will never get her licence.

Retraining your brain is called neuroplasticity. Basically mean your brain is malleable and with practice you can make new connections and new pathways. There is a great deal of information on this plus a number of books. Try googling neuroplasticity. Sort out the more reliable sites to get the best information. I find it fascinating. I have a book (I always have a book) called The Brain that Changes Itself. Check your local library. It puts paid to the believe you cannot learn anything new after 20-30.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi everyone,

I’m sorry you’ve been worried about me. I don’t really know what’s going on. I’m mostly fine, moving forward with my goals, feeling more positive, going well at work etc. The only thing that worries me is that I keep wanting to withdraw into my own little world. I have to motivate myself to spend time with my friends. I know that withdrawing will only make things worse so I try not to, but it’s hard. My natural reaction is to not open up, to put on a smile, and tell myself and everyone else that it’s all good.

I guess I don’t want to talk on the forums because I don’t want to burden any one with my problems. I feel like I should be over this now, and I’m not doing enough to fix things. I know that’s not true. I’m just tired of it all. I’m tired of telling my friends that I’m ok, then I’m not ok, then I’m ok again. It just seems to confuse people, and I don’t want my friends to see me as attention seeking and a burden. I hate having a bad day. I feel like I’ve failed, even though it’s perfectly normal.

On my last appointment, my counsellor pointed out something she’s noticed: (1) that I minimise what happened to me, (2) that I don’t let myself feel.

I think this is the problem. While most parts of my life are going well, I’m pushing away everything that hurts. Opening up even the tiniest bit hurts, even trying not to hide how much it hurts me is painful. I’m afraid to let myself feel. I’m afraid to let someone in because they might hurt me. Maybe they’ll see me as I see myself - pathetic, weak, imperfect.

I still blame myself. I don’t know how I’m going to move on. Sometimes I think that I will never be okay again. Mostly okay, but underneath it all, broken.

I haven’t really been talking to my brother lately. I’m tired of him telling me to do drugs, it will fix your problems. I see him slowly ruining his life and I’m helpless. There’s nothing I can do. I’m torn between wanting to be there for him and feeling like he’s just dragging me down with his problems. I guess I’m pushing him away like everything else that hurts in my life.

I’m going well with the driving. I had a driving lesson last week and I’m hoping to book one this week too. I have a few more hours to get, but that won’t be a problem. I just have to work on traffic and parking. Mary - I might be wrong, but I thought you had a few years to get your hours before your L’s expired? The rules did change recently so maybe it’s different for new learners.

Talk later,

Mia

[White_Rose]

Dear Mia

I'm so sorry to hear you are not going well. Please never try to minimise or deny your feelings here. This is why BB was set up, to give everyone a voice, to be able to tell their story and be listened to. I cannot comment about your friends as I do not know what you have told them. Rather than reveal the source of your hurt perhaps you can say you get anxious or depressed and leave it at that. Or maybe take a step further and explain how you feel good some days and not on others. Perhaps you can tell them what you would like them to do when you are down to support you.

I know this is a bit more than you say at the moment but it may help your friends to be more accepting of your difficulties. Once said there is no need to repeat it. Another aspect of mental illness (MI) is community attitudes. Telling your friends a little may help to break down the stereotypical thinking about MI.

Thanks for the tip on my granddaughters driving hours. I was repeating what my son, her dad, was saying. The rules may have changed. All very different in my day. When my dad started to drive he simply applied for a licence. He rode a motor bike but his licence allowed him him to drive any vehicle on the road. It didn't mean he knew how to drive anything. When my older brother and sister were learning to drive my dad used to go with them as the qualified driver. I think it showed a lot of faith in their abilities.

Opening the door to hurt is very hard and no one wants to do this. As I understand it the idea of letting it all hang out is to understand what happened from a more objective viewpoint. What we think in our minds is very different to the way we speak. It's when we speak we start getting a better perspective. Speaking, like writing down events, can be very liberating. It's as though the event or whatever comes into sharp relief when before it was blurry with no distinct edges although those edges changed constantly depending on your mood.

Look after yourself.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

I have only told a few close friends but they usually ask how I’m going with counselling etc. I guess they don’t know what do to help, and I don’t really know either. Sometimes I think I just need someone be there so I’m not lonely. It’s hard to catch up with my friends though because we’re all busy with work.

I feel like I’m stuck at the moment. I make slow progress but I’m not really getting anyway. I still freeze up and I can’t speak about what happened even though I want to talk about. Although I know that it’s not my fault, I still blame myself. I can’t seem to let go.

Thankyou for taking the time to talk to me here. It means a lot to me.

Mia