What happened doesn't have to define me

[Mia001]

Hi everyone!

I'm new here. Not really sure what to do. Where do I start? Any suggestions?

Mia

[james1]

Hey Mia,

I don't have much to say at the moment as I'm feeling pretty off myself, but you sound very down and I just wanted to say we're thinking of you and, like you, hoping that you will be able to heal in however long you need.

James

[Mia001]

Hi James,

Thanks for being here because it means a lot to me.

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling off at the moment. 🙁

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

Sorry to leave you alone for so long. As James said, we are thinking about you and while that may not sound much, it does mean we want to post but have other calls on our strength. One of my difficulties has gone into storage for a while but another has popped up. Where do they come from?

It's good you are still writing in even though James and me have deserted you for a while. I think you are developing and strengthening your ability to manage your various difficulties. When do you expect to hear about your enrolment?

I have decided it's nanna nap time. I get so tired just lately. Please look after yourself.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

That's okay. I know it's hard when you're struggling yourself.

I should know if I have an interview by late next week.

I'm trying to look after myself. I just can't seem to pull myself out of this like I used too.

Take care,

Mia

[White_Rose]

I just can't seem to pull myself out of this like I used too. I think it's because you talking more about your life and problems which in many ways makes them more real. I know they were always real so maybe I am trying to say they are more prominent in your life. It's hard to change from living in one fashion to make major changes to live differently. And sadly it does take a large part of your energy.

I think I am getting to this stage with a group of people who have meeting at my home for seven years. All of a sudden I have lost the ability and desire to continue because it takes such a huge toll of me. I know my life will return to normal, or at least normal for me, and I don't want to break up the group because we may want to continue. So the choice is to stop meeting, probably for a long time, or try and struggle through this patch. How would you deal with that?

I am going into hospital on Wednesday for a small procedure. Just a day admission but the sedatives often make me drowsy for a while. Will write when I can.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

It does take a lot of energy to talk about these things. I've spent a long time trying not to think about so it's hard to just turn it all around. I know it's just going to take time, and patience. Probably something I lack when it comes to myself.

I saw my counsellor again yesterday. She spoke to the mental health and they suggested that seeing a GP would be better. I’m going to book in to see my GP hopefully before I see my counsellor next. We’ll see how that goes.

We talked a lot about self blame. I’m still thinking about everything she said. I’ll probably write more about that later.

"...How would you deal with that?” To be honest, I'm not sure. I'd probably discuss it with the group, and see what everyone else thinks. Maybe you could still meet but just less frequently.

Sorry I didn’t write back earlier. How did your procedure go? Thinking of you and hoping you’re feeling ok. 😊

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

Thank you, the procedure went OK. Although I was only given a sedative and not a full general anaesthetic I still felt tired much of today. So I am going to cook something good for tea, watch TV for a while then go to bed. Sounds like a good prescription to me.

Will write more later.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,
It’s great to hear that all went well. 😊
I haven’t been around for a while. I was at my grandparents over the weekend which was fun!
My mood has picked up lately too. It’s nice to have a break from feeling terrible all the time. It’s still hanging around but at least I can enjoy myself. I haven’t been so happy at work for a long time.

I found out a few days ago that my brother has a girlfriend. They have been interested in each other for a couple of weeks now. I don’t know what to think. I’m really happy for both of them, but I’m worried too. Someone from work told me that his girlfriend was chasing a few guys at the same time. I really don’t want to see his heart get broken if she’s not serious.

There’s also a tiny part of me that worries about her. What if he abuses her? It would be my fault for not warning her.

What do I do? I’ve told my brother that she might be just messing with him, so he knows. But do I tell her? What are the chances of something happening?

I just don’t want to ruin their relationship because I’m anxious.

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

So pleased you are feeling better. I think being at your grandparents home would be a welcome break from all the tension. It's good to know how much lighter you feel. How do you get on with your grandparents? Can you talk to your grandmother about your brother? Perhaps discuss this with your counsellor and GP first.

Your brother's romance is his affair. I understand you are concerned about him and do not want him to be hurt. That's great, but you cannot solve everyone's problems. When two people are attracted to each other they must make their own decisions. Would you like it if someone interfered with your romance? I know it's hard to watch these things go bad but it may not do so. When my son and his wife separated I was really worried about both of them, but there was nothing I could do. They had to make their own journeys.

You have dropped a word of warning in your brother's ear, now let it alone. Sometimes people do the very thing they have been warned against because of feeling they cannot make a good decision. Try not to be anxious. If they are not suited it will show and they will part.

Telling the GF about your brother's past is more difficult. I would not like to have a BF with that history, but I don't know all his story. I think it would be the best idea to talk to your counsellor about this difficulty. I see you had an appointment with your GP. Did you talk about this with her? If not then it's a good idea to do so.

Have you heard about the enrolment? Hope all goes well.

Mary

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

I get on well with my grandparents although I won’t tell them what happened since it would break their heart.

I’m going to have to talk to my counsellor about telling his girlfriend. I’m not sure that it would be a good idea. The problem is really with me. I have so many questions and none of them have really been answered. I don’t really know what motivated him to abuse me. I can’t help wondering if he’s done it to someone else, if he’ll do it to me again.

Logically, there’s no reason for me to think this. He hasn’t shown any sign that he might do it again. He said he regrets what he did. It’s just there in the back of my mind bothering me.

I know, but that’s not how I feel.

Its similar to me blaming myself for what happened. Logically, there’s so many reasons it wasn’t my fault.

I was a kid. I didn’t fully understand what was happening. He started it and he was my brother so I trusted him.

But my heart says I knew better. I should have said no. I should have told my parents. I should have done something. Why didn’t I just fight back? Why did it take so long to finally say no?

I haven’t seen my GP yet, although I’ve made an appointment. The earliest I could see him was in 2 weeks.

I found out yesterday that my interview for the course will be next Monday. I’m pretty excited about that! 😊 It means I’m 1 step closer towards enrolment. If I pass the interview I should have a place in the course.

Talk later,

Mia