What happened doesn't have to define me

[Mia001]

Hi everyone!

I'm new here. Not really sure what to do. Where do I start? Any suggestions?

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

Being the "go to" person is being the one who everyone else goes to for help and support, for advice and comfort. All or some of these. I had the impression you were this person in your family. Not right? let me know.

I hid my depression very well until the day I tried to suicide. My next door neighbour phoned to tell them the news. It was a shock to them. The whole family gathered round me and their first question was "Why didn't you tell us?". Yes I felt dreadful but you know what, I was able to talk to them and they listened and cared. Probably had little idea of how I felt because as we know it's hard to explain.

It also meant I could relax and be in tears at times, sad or just quiet. I don't know your relationship with your family so of course I cannot say if they would be supportive and caring. I'm also not sure what you mean by saying it would cause more harm than good. I am their mother and moms just get on with the job of living and looking after the children even when they have grown up and have families of their own.

Sometimes you just have to step out and do it. Here is a quote I have on my wall.

When you come to the edge of all the light that you have, and must take the first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to stand upon, or you will be taught how to fly.

I must dash. Just realised I am supposed to see my counsellor very shortly.

Mary

[Evilnut]

Hi Marie those words are so true I had forgotten them. You are a very proud and giving person I think that the people that come to this site ate so brave after reading so Meany posts the mh club are the brave one's because they are striving to better them self's koowi to them all I am proud of how I am if someone does not get me that is there lose we all are Special thank god for beyond blue my salvation (starting to sound Noble am not I am the margarine of evilnut sounded great at the time

Cheers to all the winners out there.

[Mia001]

Hi,

Mary - Just letting you know I went to my psych appointment this morning and told her about the abuse. I was planning to reply to your post, but I'm currently exhausted and still trying to sort everything out in my head. Will probably post tomorrow.

Taurus - not sure when you're getting back but lots of hugs anyway 🙂

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

Thanks for letting me know about your appointment. Being exhausted afterwards is a bit of a let down. I know the feeling so well. You have spoken of the abuse and that was no easy task. Many congratulations. It will get easier to speak about your life and how you feel, but it may also be a bit upsetting when you do talk about these matters. Does that sound OK?Rest and recover, I will be here tomorrow and looking forward to speaking with you.

I think Taurus is home now, getting herself organised and will post to you shortly.

If I may I will continue to chat with you.

Mary

[Evilnut]

Hi Mia your on the right track I can feel the pain as it took me 49 years to report to police what went on so Meany years ago. This what I found before I reported to police, my every day was filled with flash backs names if pepole from my checkered past that I haven't thought if for 35 years about three days after is just started to fade away like the light had been turned off. When that happens for you it may spin you out because like me I have it on my mind so long it does not control you anymore yippy.

Hope you all the best evilnut out.

[Guest_9809]

Hi Mia, yes I got home late this afternoon. Totally exhausted though, and am yet to catch up with everyone. Unfortunately my Mum is back in hospital as of yesterday morning. With pneumonia. Not sure how long for.

Hey I am so proud of you! And I totally agree that psych apts are an exhausting process - mentally, emotionally and even physically. You did really well. It will take some time to process your thoughts around these revelations of yours. And it isnt easy so, if you think it would help you to talk about it any time, we are all here to listen, comfort and advise if we can.

Really pleased to see that you've had lots of support here during my absence too. (-:

Looking forward to hearing from you again when you feel ready. And hey, thanks for the hugs. I needed that!

Taurus xx

[Mia001]

Hi Mary,

Ok, I get you. Yes, I am kind of everyone's go to person. It can be a burden sometimes, but I like being able to help.

There are quite a few reasons I don't want to tell my family but I can't really explain without telling the whole story. It's pretty complicated, but I think it would be better for everyone if I didn't tell them.

I did, however, tell Mum about the harassment at work yesterday. I'm not even sure why I did, but I'm so relieved. I also told her that there are some things that I can't talk about and she said that's okay. At least I know if I'm having a bad day she won't ask questions, she'll just be there for me. I just love her so much. I wish I'd told her earlier, because I can tell her some things. I'm never going to be able to tell her about the abuse, but I guess I realize now that I don't have to hide everything.

I hope your counsellor appointment went well. I would love to continue chatting with you too 🙂

Mia

I told Mum yesterday about the harassment at work. I'm not even sure why I did, she was just saying that some guy was asking about me the other day and I just told her what had been happening at work. Now she's worried about me, but I promised to tell her if I'm ever in danger. I just hope she doesn't stress too much about it. I also told her that there are other things that I can't talk about because I'm trying to protect her and other people and she said that's okay. I feel so much better knowing that. At least now if I'm having a bad day, I don't have to hide it and I know she'll understand that I don't want to say why. I just love her so much, and I should have told her about work long ago.

I really like that quote too by the way. It makes a lot of sense to me.

Hope your counsellor appointment went well. Would love to continue chatting 🙂

Mia

[Mia001]

hehehehe

I wondered where my post went! Apparently, it didn't disappear after all!

[Mia001]

Hi Evilnut,

I think I get what you mean. Even though it hurts to talk about it, it can be a relief.

I'm really glad that you've been able to move on.

Wishing you all the best in the future,

Mia

[White_Rose]

Hello Mia

Yes my appointment went well. He is a very patient and kind person, though that does not stop him putting the hard word on me at times. He suggested a very different point of view about something I had been worrying over for a while and I was so surprised. I had never considered it before. So now I have something different to consider.

Glad you enjoyed the quote. I forgot to put the author's name in. It is Patrick Oliver.

Being the go to person is nice in many ways. It shows we are seen as helpful and pleasant people. What we need to watch out for is compassion overload. This means carrying to many of other's troubles. We are not meant to always be available and we often don't know the answer. There's nothing wrong in saying I don't know. You can add I'll help you find out, because ultimately you are not responsible for others. Helping is different from doing all the work while the other sits back.

It's also OK to say you cannot help, however much you want to do that, if it starts to affect your well-being, both emotionally or physically. When too much becomes too much you need to step back a little.

I love the way you approached talking with your mom. And very importantly, the way your mom responded. It's not easy to stand back and wait for further information, especially if it is unlikely to eventuate. So another person in your support network and a very loving and valuable person.

Two things to put a feather (or two) in your cap. Smile and pat yourself on the back.

Mary