What do you fear (today)?

[The_Abyss]

In line with my "when were you last truly happy" post, I wondered about what other people fear?

Is it an "every day fear", or is it a "just today" fear?

Do you fear getting out of bed? Do you fear opening the mail? Do you fear the phone ringing? Do you fear being alone? Do you fear the darkness descending? Do you fear confrontations? Do you fear rejection? Do you fear not feeling anything at all?

I wonder if just voicing that fear, sharing that fear, will help to take away it's power? Or will it give it life?

For me, my big fear at the moment is being found out. Fearing my kids or family will come across my posts. Fear a colleague will recognise my writing style or circumstances. Fear that someone will see through this big brave front I put on to get through the door each day. Fear that someone sees my vulnerability.

[The_Abyss]

Welcome Graysky and Pessimist. I too share those fears.

Graysky - we put on this mask as we walk out the door, the mask that helps us be "normal" while inside we are falling apart. We fear that someone will see behind that mask and discover the flaws behind. Still trying to figure out how to solve that one myself.

Pessimist - we are are own worst critics. We have no problems in building up others, praising, congratulating them, but it's so hard to extend that service to ourselves. Hang in there.

Quercus - I'm so glad that sharing with your husband worked so well for you. Yes, it's hard putting limits on our online time! I have barely used Facebook since finding BB, and some days I struggle to ration it!

Fairywings - welcome. What a huge burden...not the living with your son part, but the burden of fearing that you won't always be there for him. I read on one of your other threads where you mentioned he was especially precious as it took many little angels to deliver him safely. May he continue to bring sunshine and joy into your day.

And my fear today.....today, I have no real fears. It was a "good" day.

Keep your fears coming. While they may not be acknowledged (although are often shared), just voicing them can help the healing process.

[CMF]

After thinking for the last few days I fear that I taken several steps backwards, in fact many, many steps backwards. I no longer fit in here, I've lost hope.

[Sally66]

I also have a son with a disability. He is 20 now...i fear i won't have the energy to deal with lifes issues....

[The_Abyss]

After reading the fears from CMF (I'll head elsewhere for this CMF x x x ) and Sally (welcome Sally) above, my fears today feel trivial.

My fears today were to tread on the scales after a 2 week binge, and to re-start the assignment that sent me spiralling downwards at the start of the week.

My fear now is that CMF excludes herself when she is most in need ;(

[graysky]

Thanks Abyss,

I put on 'the mask' to be able to perform at work and just get through the day without anyone suspecting how I really feel.

Lately, I fear being judged. I fear what someone might say to me.
I fear I have done the wrong thing at work, and I have let people down. I wasn't able to achieve enough. I fear their judgement.

[Fairywings]

Nothing as I don't care for much anymore spiralling downhill no fear so to speak xx

[The_Abyss]

My dear Fairywings -

i have stayed off the forums these past few days as I am in my own world of despair. I could not however ignore your cry of anguish on the above post, and couldn't remember what your main thread was called.

Fairywings, I am desperately sorry for your pain, and understand all too well your bottomless pit. You know the help that is available, but no doubt, right now, accessing it is all too hard, everything is all too hard. I can't make it better, but know your fear is heard. Please take care, and reconnect with those around you that can help to ease your burden. TA x x

graysky - I too (as do many here) understand those fears of failure, of being judged, of letting people down. It is a feature of this illness - you no doubt judge yourself far more harshly than those around you. Believe in yourself, and know you too have been heard.

TA

[Moonstruck]

I fear making the wrong decision. Once made I cannot change my mind - it's for the long term. If it turns out I made the wrong choice - I can't go back and "re-make"it. If it is the right decision it will bring me immense joy, fulfilment, satisfaction, pleasure, fun, relief.

If it is the wrong decision it will bring me stress, worry, extra work, less free time, upset angry neighbours, fear, regret, inconvenience (for others as well as myself).

I have no way of knowing how the situation will pan out. It depends on which decision I make. I am consumed with fear.

[The_Abyss]

Oh Moonstruck - wouldn't a "rerun" button in life be so good!

Sadly none of us know how things will work out. All we can do is step off the ledge and hope that our parachute will work! Good luck with your decision - regardless of which way you jump, just making the decision will assist in easing your burden!

[Lytaz]

Diving in the deep end...

Today I feared I wasted years finding a career and have settled on one I will never succeed in due to anxiety and stress. I don't know what to do next and I fear choosing another dead end path and finding myself back to square one.

I feared my lack of control and losing my temper in true toddler tantrum style.

I feared I will never stand on my own two feet and will keep plying stress on my parent, harming their health and interfering in their goals and dreams.

I feared my dog being hit by a car when out for a walk, for no reason at all, and bawled my eyes out. He's more likely to explode from scoffing the steak he stole off the kitchen bench tonight :/.