UPDATED: Dealing with my partner's anxiety. Just want to talk

[Belthizor]

Hi all, I'm new here, my name is Sheldon and basically I just want to talk to others about how to deal with my partner's anxiety. For the past couple of months, she has been having anxiety-related issues, but only very recently have these issues intensified. In the past two days we have been to the ED twice, Seen the Doctor twice and been to see her psychologist. The attacks are getting worse, and I am really worried for her. She has even been having suicidal thoughts. This of course worries me even more, but I feel that I have to stay strong for her sake. I love her very dearly and it just breaks my heart to see her so upset. She's crying, has involuntary hand movements, feeling nauseous and has even physically thrown up. She has recently been prescribed a benzodiazaprene and tomorrow we will be going to the doctors to review her current anti-depressant medication. I love her with all my heart and I don't ever want to lose her. While we are doing everything we can to address these issues, it's still hard - especially for me, and I would love someone to talk to who has been through this, or even just someone willing to bend an ear but not judge. This girl is my whole world and without her... I don't know what I'd do.

 Thanks for listening, I know I rambled on a bit, but I do that.

[Zeal]

Hi Sheldon,

Thanks for your nice reply! I am impressed at how proactive you are at helping your girlfriend, and furthering your understanding of anxiety 😄 Here is a good site for resources your girlfriend may find helpful: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

It's great that your girlfriend has a medical science degree. Unfortunately though, there are many tertiary qualified people who struggle to find work in the current job climate.

Taking time out for yourself is completely normal, and healthy 🙂

Thanks for your good wishes Sheldon! I am well, and this week at uni looks less busy than last week 🙂

I hope you and your girlfriend have a good week!

Best wishes,

SM

[Belthizor]

Hi all,

Thanks for the reply. The problem with medical science is that it is a VERY hard profession to get into. It's one of those professions where they can afford to be picky, and as such, getting that foot in the door is not easy. My gf had a good day today but started to feel down a bit come this evening. No anxiety, per se, but not terribly happy, either, we just cuddled and talked about a few things, pretty much putting a plan into action. I'm not sure if you've read all the posts, SM, but to recap, my gf is trying to get a 'position' as a full time carer for her mum (whom we live with), but Centrelink are making that VERY difficult. We have one last avenue of appeal left, which we are taking and if that doesn't pan out, then we are going to look at taking steps towards getting her on the DSP. I've told her to have a talk with her job network agent about what's going on and explain to them that there is just no way, at this time, that she would be able to get a job and work. Lord knows, she certainly tried, but the end result was a massive anxiety attack. Hopefully they will be able to help her out.

As for my proactiveness, well I have a diploma in Community Services Work (basically, social work) but due to my own health issues (I have an Inflammatory Bowel Disease known as Ulcerative Colitis) I have been unable to work and am on the DSP myself. But, my knowledge and training in that area of expertise has basically aided me in knowing the right sort of things to do, practically speaking. I also have Aspergers and have trouble with the emotional side of things, so I tend to stick to what I know, lol.

Anyway, that's all from me for now,

Hope you're all doing well,

Chat soon,

Sheldon

[blondguy]

Hey Sheldon

Always good to hear from you. Your girlfriend does have great courage to use her coping mechanisms as well as she is....and good on her too!

She is fortunate to have you by her side Sheldon. You are a gentle and kind person who has always been there offering her the gentle support she needs.

My Best

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hey all,

Today has been an alright day. Not much happened. I had a post-op appointment at the hospital, but nothing particularly exciting. Although, there is one thing I wish to mention, my gf tonight mentioned that whenever she gets nauseous now, she starts to feel anxious. Not a huge amount, but it's there nonetheless, I'm wondering if it, like any thought to her most recent occupation, is linked to the huge anxiety/panic attack that she had last week? Is this now anxiety by way of negative association? Speaking of work, my gf received her pay for the three days she worked and, upon seeing it in her bank account, started to get anxious. Again, not a huge attack, but bigger than the nausea one. She was able to get through it by using the breathing exercise, but was unable to identify the thoughts she was having at the time, mentioning that it was all a "jumble" in her mind... sort of like it was all swirling around in her mind.

Having not had any first hand experience with anxiety and panic attacks, I wonder if this is normal? I assume it is, and have no reason to doubt that, but it has left me curious...

Anyway, that's all for now, I'm off to bed now. Got an early start tomorrow. Talk to you all later.

Cheers,

Sheldon

[blondguy]

Hi Sheldon

Sometimes anxiety attacks can happen without a particular reason. All panic attacks are linked only by the adrenaline being pumped as a sufferer is usually over sensitized towards anxiety so the fear of having an attack actually feeds the next attack.

Your girlfriends reaction is normal where anxiety is concerned. Anxiety as you know is a roller coaster ride and sometimes requires little stimuli to cause a panic attack compared with other times. There is no common denominator.

The breathing exercises do help anxiety but the concentration levels are effected...including having a jumbled or tired mind where our thoughts are concerned. The first and best treatment for anxiety/panic is super regular therapy as you know. This will enable a therapist to help your girlfriend find acceptance of the anxiety. It does take some time and regular visits.

Always great to hear from you Sheldon

My Best

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hi All,

Sorry for the delay in response, I've just been busy and stuff.

Father's Day, my gf and I went out to have lunch with my father (whom I had notified prior to the lunch about my gf's anxiety and that she had lost her job and asked him not to bring up the issue, which he complied). She experienced a little bit of anxiety when the conversation turned to employment (talking about my sister and her bf's jobs), but was able to get away for a few minutes (she went to the toilet) and was able to work through with the breathing exercises.

We had another counselling session the other day and my gf THINKS she has pinpointed the source of her anxiety - a form of performance anxiety. Yay for progress!

She has another job interview coming up for a full time pick packing position at a place closer to home, which she thinks should be easier for her to do, so here's hoping all goes well!

Other than that, we went to my half sister's birthday lunch on Saturday and, unfortunately, the topic of work came up when my grandparents innocently asked my gf how the job hunting was going (evidently the word of "please avoid the topic" had not reached them), but my gf handled it really well, giving them only a vague, half answer (I was working at [insert place here], but it wasn't my sort of thing and we decided it wasn't for me). She told me she had a little bit of anxiety, but was able to work through it, still she did start to have some anxiety with regards to trying to find a parking spot, and today when we went to the local agriculture show, she showed some anxiety when we went on a couple of the rides, so we still have a ways to go towards conquering that, but with a bit of luck and some hard work, hopefully we'll be able to come out on top of this issue.

It's all very stressful for everyone involved, I mean, you hear about it all the time, but until you experience it first hand, you have no idea just how mentally exhausting it can be!

Anyway, I hope all is well,

Hope to hear from you all soon,

Cheers,

Sheldon

[Zeal]

Hi Sheldon,

I'm so glad to hear your girlfriend is making progress with her anxiety. Your support and thoughtfulness would be helping immensely. Hopefully the new job will in fact be better suited to her personal strengths, and be less anxiety provoking.

Anxiety is indeed very stressful. You sound as though you are doing well in handling the challenges so far, which is awesome. If you feel that you need some emotional support at any stage though, you can call the Carers Australia helpline on 1800 242 636.

I hope your weekend has been enjoyable Sheldon 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[CMF]

Hi Sheldon,

i think it's great that you've pinpointed the source of anxiety. That's definitely a step forward and gives something to work toward overcoming. Me personally, I know what some of my triggers are but not the underlying cause. You've given me some hope that an underlying cause can be found.

great news Sheldon, I'm happy to hear that.

cmf

[Belthizor]

Hi all,

Sorry for the delay, things have sorta been a bit busy around here. My gf and I have started planning a small holiday for us to celebrate our 3rd anniversary together... and also going through a few minor rough patches at the same time (such is the nature of relationships).

In other, more anxiety-related, news, counselling has been going well for my gf. In her last session we used a technique called "Progressive Muscle Relaxation" as a mechanism to calm a person down from their anxiety. It focuses on your breathing and controlling (to an extent) your muscles (as the title suggest). Control your breathing, and you control your body, sort of... if you get my meaning.

To do this, my gf's psychologist had induce a panic attack - not a major one, but enough to be able to effectively use the technique. It's funny how just thinking about having a panic attack caused my gf to have a panic attack. As mentioned before, it's all in the breathing and the most important part about breathing to calm yourself is to breath from your diaphragm and not your chest (the difference is deeper breaths versus shorter, more shallow breaths). To quote a line from the film 'Raise Your Voice': "Air goes in diaphram goes out, it's ok to look fat".

Anyway, that's all from me. Hope you're all doing well and I'll chat later!

Ciao for now

[blondguy]

Hey Sheldon

This is your post....no apologies for any delay necessary 🙂 Its always great to hear from you

You and your girlfriend are doing so well Sheldon. She is fortunate to have your love, your dedication and care.

If I may quote a piece of what you wrote which is invaluable.....

Sheldon said: "the most important part about breathing to calm yourself is to breath
from your diaphragm and not your chest (the difference is deeper breaths
versus shorter, more shallow breaths). To quote a line from the film
'Raise Your Voice': "Air goes in diaphragm goes out, it's ok to look fat".

My Best and thankyou Sheldon

Paul