UPDATED: Dealing with my partner's anxiety. Just want to talk

[Belthizor]

Hi all, I'm new here, my name is Sheldon and basically I just want to talk to others about how to deal with my partner's anxiety. For the past couple of months, she has been having anxiety-related issues, but only very recently have these issues intensified. In the past two days we have been to the ED twice, Seen the Doctor twice and been to see her psychologist. The attacks are getting worse, and I am really worried for her. She has even been having suicidal thoughts. This of course worries me even more, but I feel that I have to stay strong for her sake. I love her very dearly and it just breaks my heart to see her so upset. She's crying, has involuntary hand movements, feeling nauseous and has even physically thrown up. She has recently been prescribed a benzodiazaprene and tomorrow we will be going to the doctors to review her current anti-depressant medication. I love her with all my heart and I don't ever want to lose her. While we are doing everything we can to address these issues, it's still hard - especially for me, and I would love someone to talk to who has been through this, or even just someone willing to bend an ear but not judge. This girl is my whole world and without her... I don't know what I'd do.

 Thanks for listening, I know I rambled on a bit, but I do that.

[Belthizor]

Damn auto-correct! Sorry, that should read "my GF's mum"

[blondguy]

Hey Sheldon

Great to read how things are going! I wouldnt find that procedure fun either...eww. At least you have the guts to get it done and good on you.

Just after having my first anxiety attacks in 1983 it was great to have someone that understood it like you understanding your GF's anxiety. Monitoring the anxiety (with all due respect to you) can be detrimental to your GF's recovery as she may just want you to 'be there' for her whilst she figures it out with her doctors.

If your GF brings up an attack and lets you know about it, go for it. Consistently monitoring every attack and the level of anxiety involved will only add more fuel to the fire and possibly feed the anxiety she is experiencing.

Just food for thought Sheldon and I do understand how committed and caring you are

Here for you thankyou for asking how we are too! Not too bad...just have the depression floating over me at the moment but like anxiety sooner or later it will pass

Ciao

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hi Paul,

I've ceased writing down her attacks, but will continue to post on here. These BB posts are as much for my benefit and my Gf, for the most part, doesn't see them. I tend to write them after she has gone to sleep, or has gone out.

My Gf had another anxiety attack the other night, brought on by thinking about work and Centrelink (stressing about the Carter's payment, stressing about looking for work). I got her mum for that one and it was relatively easy to settle her.

Other than that, not much else has been happening. I had a bad night last night. Went to bed around 12 as normal, but was up at 1:45 till sometime after 4 suffering from cramps. Before I was finally able to settle them.

Anyway, that's all from me for now.

All the best,

Sheldon

[blondguy]

Hey Sheldon

I know what you mean by sleep being hard to get sometimes...It really knocks me around if I have a poor quality sleep.

You and your mum are very kind and caring Sheldon

Happy Friday

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hello all,

It's been a long while since I last posted, and to be honest, I wish I didn't have to post now, however, I find it is warranted. My gf went for a job as a room attendant at a hotel last week and got it! (yay!). She started work on Monday and was fine... until today. She had a panic/anxiety attack this morning which, with the help of her supervisor, was able to work through and she was fine for the rest of the day. When she got home this afternoon/evening, however, the anxiety flared up again. Majorly! She had all the usual symptoms - nausea, vomiting, involuntary movements/hitting, crying, self conflict - like she was in two minds on various issues to do with the anxiety - and suicidal ideations. Her mum and I were there to try and help her through it, but it seemed like this one just wasn't going to go away. It was very scary!

First off, I just want to reassure you all that she is fine - she never did anything to harm herself. We called up Lifeline and her mum had a bit of a chat to the lady on the phone. We also texted her counsellor/psychologist and we should hopefully be able to get an appointment tomorrow.

I'm at my wits' end. I don't know what to do. I just want her to be well. I also want her to keep this job. She seemed to be doing really well in it. My gf feels, also, that if she were to quit she would be deemed a disappointment and a failure, but we obviously don't see her as that. I wish I could just snap my fingers and make everything alright again. I hate feeling so helpless. I've never been very good with the whole emotional side of things, and this is no different.

Anyway, that's all from me for now, I will continue to keep an eye on her (she's asleep now) and hope things improve. Thanks for listening.

Ciao for now

Sheldon

[Belthizor]

Hi folks,

I wish I could write with some good news, however, unfortunately that is not the case. Today, after having a day off to try and get her head together, my gf returned to work. I accompanied her into the city and as we got closer to her work, she got more and more anxious, despite my reassuring. She lasted at work for about an hour and a half before she messaged me to come meet her. Unfortunately , the place where she worked required complete attention and her anxiety prevented her from concentrating and coping. As a result, she lost her job. When I caught up with her she was inconsolable. She blamed herself for losing the job, but I told her that because she DID try to make it work, that it was not her fault.

We are back home now, and we are going to work through this issue slowly and together. She is not alone, though it is heartbreaking to see her like this and be completely helpless to do anything to help.

We have a counselling session tomorrow and we are going to try and apply for the Disability Support Pension for her.

I hate seeing her like this. It just breaks my heart and all I want to do is just make everything right for her.

I hope you're all doing better than we are here. I hope to hear from you all soon.

Cheers,

Sheldon

[Zeal]

Hi Belthizor,

I'm so sorry to hear about your girlfriend's struggles with anxiety and panic attacks. I myself am a girlfriend who has anxiety (though not panic attacks), and my boyfriend is supportive like you 🙂 Take it from an anxiety-sufferer- the steps you took and the support you offered her was amazing. She is very lucky to have you. Unfortunately, her symptoms sound very debilitating. You are right in saying that it wasn't her fault that she lost her job. She did her very best and tried to get back to work after experiencing severe panic and huge discomfort.

It's great that you and your girlfriend's Mum could work together in that situation. Calling Lifeline was a good move, as was making the counselling/psychology appointment. Applying for the Disability Support Pension is a smart plan, as your girlfriend needs financial support until she can work through the anxiety and make some personal gains with her mental health.

I'm doing well, thanks. I have OCD, which is a frustrating anxiety condition. However, I have been feeling pretty happy lately. Last semester at uni I was very stressed. It's now my last semester of my psychology degree, and I'm excited to finish in November!

I hope you and your girlfriend are doing alright today 🙂

Best wishes,

SM

[Belthizor]

Hi SM,

Thanks for your response. Today was better than yesterday, though for most of the day, she was unwilling to face the anxiety/panic attacks (understandable, and we did not push it). She has been experiencing some anxiety/panic attacks, but they were very minor in comparison. We had another counselling session today and received some information about panic disorders. Yesterday, I bought a book called "Overcoming Anxiety" by Gill Hasson in a bid to understand anxiety more and work on ways to help my girlfriend overcome her anxiety.

My GF also has OCD, though it's not manifested majorly in her and I don't think it is related to her anxiety, however, I am suspecting that her IBS could very well have ties to her anxiety as the two can often be linked (as can OCD).

Her next counselling session is Thursday week, and we are going to start on 'weaning' her off my support so that she is not leaning so heavily on me for support. Of course, I'll still support her, but she needs to learn how to manage this on her own as well, for those moments when we can't be together (say if she gets a job/work for the dole, or if I'm at a friend's place, etc). The hardest part, I think, will be getting her to write down her feelings and thoughts and doing the meditation exercises, but I'm sure we'll get there in time.

I know none of this is going to happen overnight, but hopefully we will start to see some improvement sooner rather than later. We're thinking that maybe the cause of this most recent attack could have been how fast everything progressed. She went from having the interview on the Monday, getting the job on Tuesday, having induction on Friday and then straight into work on the following Monday. Sort of like being thrown into the deep end into a position that she wasn't 100% keen on (housekeeping/room attendant versus medical science - in which she has a diploma and a degree).

I know this sounds weird, but last night, after my gf had gone to sleep, I took some time out for myself - watched some DVDs for a little while and, admittedly, I felt kind of guilty for taking that time for myself. I don't feel guilty tonight (mainly because we seem to be back to the normal 'kick me out of the room so she can get to sleep' routine.

Anyway, I've babbled on enough for one night. Hope you're well and good luck with your degree. Psychology is such a fascinating subject. I've always found the human mind a source of endless intrigue!

Ciao for now,

Sheldon

[blondguy]

Hi Sheldon 🙂

Just a quick note if I may......If it wasnt for caring people like yourself posting there would be no forums here so thankyou for posting again and I am sorry for the time it has taken me to reply to you.

I know your girlfriend is in a bad place right now...I understand exactly how she feels as I had the same nasty anxiety attacks back in the 80's. They were awful Sheldon.

If I can give you a compliment with what you wrote;

Sheldon said "next counselling session is Thursday week, and we are going to start on
'weaning' her off my support so that she is not leaning so heavily on me
for support. Of course, I'll still support her, but she needs to learn
how to manage this on her own as well"

You have never babbled on the forums Sheldon....ever...you are a kind and caring partner and good on you for having the kind heart you do!

You mentioned above about applying for the Disability Support Pension. Its only my opinion but this sounds like a good idea as it may assist your girlfriend in recovering at her own pace. Acute anxiety can last a long time Sheldon. I know it breaks your heart to see your loved one this way and combined with your pro-active and loving care factor it would be a mega difficult time for you both Sheldon.

You are a super legend for taking some time out for yourself watching those DVD's and good on you 🙂

The quality time you give yourself now will make you a more effective carer to your partner Sheldon

You are more than welcome to continue posting as many times as you wish

My kindest thoughts for you both

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hey Paul,

Thanks for your reply. Today was a good-ish day. We went out to lunch with my father, half sister, half brother, full-blood sister and her boyfriend and had a lovely time (I had asked my father previously not to bring up the issue of what my gf's former job and the anxiety/panic disorder that she's been having, having explained, roughly, what had been going on). While the issue wasn't brought up, the issue of employment was (as my father was talking to my full sister and her boyfriend about their jobs - as teachers). This started to unsettle my gf a little bit, however she was able to work through it by calming herself down when she went to the toilet. Myself notwithstanding, no one was any the wiser as to what was going on.

I am so proud of her for actually dealing with the issue instead of hiding from it. Also of note is that for the past two days she has not taken a benzo! While not addicted to them, per se, I think my gf was starting to realize just how much she had come to rely on them. It sneaked up on her without her realizing as these things are want to do.

So all in all, each day brings another success, however small it may be, which shows that she is willing to try the techniques to help calm her.

Anyway, that's all from me for now, I'm off to de-brief before bed.

Chat later,

Sheldon