UPDATED: Dealing with my partner's anxiety. Just want to talk

[Belthizor]

Hi all, I'm new here, my name is Sheldon and basically I just want to talk to others about how to deal with my partner's anxiety. For the past couple of months, she has been having anxiety-related issues, but only very recently have these issues intensified. In the past two days we have been to the ED twice, Seen the Doctor twice and been to see her psychologist. The attacks are getting worse, and I am really worried for her. She has even been having suicidal thoughts. This of course worries me even more, but I feel that I have to stay strong for her sake. I love her very dearly and it just breaks my heart to see her so upset. She's crying, has involuntary hand movements, feeling nauseous and has even physically thrown up. She has recently been prescribed a benzodiazaprene and tomorrow we will be going to the doctors to review her current anti-depressant medication. I love her with all my heart and I don't ever want to lose her. While we are doing everything we can to address these issues, it's still hard - especially for me, and I would love someone to talk to who has been through this, or even just someone willing to bend an ear but not judge. This girl is my whole world and without her... I don't know what I'd do.

 Thanks for listening, I know I rambled on a bit, but I do that.

[CMF]

That's great Sheldon,

Positive news re your gf and dad. How are you going?

cmf

[Belthizor]

Hi CMF,

Thanks for your kind words. Things have been pretty good here. Not a lot has happened since last I wrote. My gf had a benzo-free day at Work For the Dole, which was awesome! And I went out to lunch for her mum's birthday (Due to Work For the Dole, my gf was unable to make it). The downside to the lunch was that I think I ate too much, and felt quite sick afterwards, so had to take an anti-nausea pill. That made me feel better for a couple of hours so I was able to go to gym and finally take participate in the boxing class. Afterwards I felt sick again, so took another anti-nausea pill and some painkillers because I started to get headachey. I'm feeling better now, just sore from gym and looking forward to sleeping in my bed, that's for sure! lol!

Other than that, nothing new has happened. We'll be visiting my father at some point this weekend, just to see how he's doing, etc and I may be donating blood on Saturday, see how we go.

Anyway, that's all from me. Hope you're all doing well,

Ciao for now,

Sheldon

[blondguy]

Hey Sheldon, I hope you and your partner are doing okay. I think your GF will be okay with you being such a good carer. Thought Id let you know that Grace is doing it tough at the moment with her anxiety....just in-case you may want to pass on your best.

All the very best to you and your girlfriend.

Kind Regards

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hi guys,

It's been a tense couple of days. My Gf and her mum ended at odds with each other, to put it mildly (I'll spare you the details), leaving me in the middle as peacekeeper. Fortunately that's sorted now!

Saturday night, I got up in the middle of the night to go to the toilet and ended up having a fall. I'm alright, I was just shaken, but still not fun.

And finally all day today I've been feeling quite crook - sore tooth, headache, sore, scratchy throat. I think I'm coming down with something.

Other that, nothing else has been going on.

Please send my best wishes on to Grace. Anxiety, as we all know, is never pleasant. But each "battle" that you "win", you come out stronger than before!

Hope you're all doing well otherwise,

Until next time,

Sheldon

[Belthizor]

Hi all,

I know it hasn't been all that long, but I really wanted to talk to y'all! Yesterday, my gf and I had a fight. It wasn't anxiety related, but she didn't exactly explain herself properly either, usually when we fight, she talks to me via Facebook messenger or text message. Basically, the gist of the messages that I understood was that she was mad at me for not initiating conversations with her (I'm sorry, I'm not a very sociable person). In addition to that, she called me lazy. Basically saying I sit on my butt all day doing nothing. I took great offence to this as I do a lot of chores at home - cooking, cleaning, etc. Tonight we had a talk and she explained what she meant. Basically she thinks (and I agree) that I'm kinda hiding behind my physical health. Having got Ulcerative Colitis and being through the whole rigmarole of hospital and surgery and dealing with the health issues, that kinda lead to me becoming further and further withdrawn. Escaping into my video games where I don't have to interact with people as much. My gf thinks I need to get out more, do more things - such as volunteer at the animal shelter, take the dogs for a walk, etc, so that I'm not just sitting around at home doing nothing (apparently, doing chores doesn't count as doing stuff).

So, I'm gonna look into doing a few volunteer-type things (maybe find a Dungeons and Dragons group near me or something), and hopefully that will improve things between us.

Anyway, that's all from me for now. Things between my gf and I have improved since the talk and I'm gonna try and work on the conversation thing as well.

Hope you're all well, and I hope Grace is also on the road to recovery,

Cheers,

Sheldon

[blondguy]

Hey Sheldon and always great to to see how you and your GF are going

You have been through a lot and you are also a great carer. I have also been 'told' the same as I have been out of work since mid Jan this year. If you find solace spending time doing what you do then go for it. Your posts have said very much the opposite...besides being an 'A' grade carer you are also assisting with the chores too!

If you are withdrawing I am very sure that you will know when to get out and do some volunteer work.

My congrats again on the wonderful support you have given to your GF especially while and after she was in hospital.

Kind Wishes to both of you 🙂

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hi guys,

Not the greatest news to report today, unfortunately.

At approximately 4:30 this morning, my gf's mum woke my Gf and asked her (my Gf) to take her (my Gf's mother) to the ED, complaining of the same stomach pains that she had the last time she went to ED. So, she's back in there awaiting a exo-sigmoidoscopy tomorrow (basically a colonoscopy but it doesn't go as far up).

While we were there, my Gf got a phone call from Centrelink. They spoke to her for a bit and then told her that she had been denied the Carer's payment because she wasn't helping her mum out for the required amount of hours per day. The reason behind that - my Gf is required by Centrelink as a part of her Newstart Allowance conditions to undertake 25 hours per week of Work For the Dole in order to get her Newstart Allowance. This technicality loophole "allowed" to deny her claim. As you can imagine, this news was NOT well received at all. In fact, this actually triggered an anxiety attack. The first she's had in quite some time (13/03). Her mum called up Centrelink and basically (though politely) was all WTF? With them, and they managed to sort something out. So when her mum gets out of hospital she is going to make an appointment with her Dr and get a medical exemption certificate thing that will exempt her from Work For the Dole for three months (that way she IS performing the required daily hours that would make her eligible for the Carer's Payment.

After all that, my Gf calmed down enough to drive us home. When we got home, she took a benzo and I kept her company and did my best to help take her mind off it all long enough for the benzo to kick in.

We also had another talk about the issues that have been plaguing us recently. It turns out that while my Gf is at Work For the Dole, I AM allowed to play video games, as long as I finish off when she gets home (fair enough) I also told her about something she does that frustrates me (deflecting: whenever we argue and I call her out on something she does, she throws it back at me "of course, I'm the bad guy". This really annoys me to no end!) We're cool now, but yeah... tense day. She went from wanting to keep her distance from me, to wanting me close!

Anyway, I'm running out of characters, so I'll finish up. Paul, how's Grace have you heard?

Hope all is well,

Sheldon

[Belthizor]

Hi all,

Just an update on yesterday's post. Today was a much better day for my GF. I think things had been brewing for a while with the Centrelink issue and now that we have an idea of what we're going to do, that's put things more at ease for my GF.

Also, with our relationship, things have definitely improved. We had a talk today and I was able to convey some grievances I have with her (such as her go-to defense of shouting at me and swearing at me via text message instead of talking to me civilly.) I told her she would likely have to prompt me every now and again as I will likely start to slip back into old habits again, and she seems cool with that (or rather, more understanding that I'm not doing it on purpose or because I don't want to talk to her). The biggest issue, of course, was my gaming. Wires got crossed and while my GF was happy for me to game (and talk to her) all day while she's at Work For the Dole, when she gets home, she would like it for me to finish up for the day and spend more time with her, which I think is perfectly understandable

My GF did say she was experiencing some minor anxiety today, but we were able to move past it, which was exceptionally good news.

Her mum is still in hospital and while they don't have an official diagnosis yet (she's still waiting to have a colonoscopy done), the think she could have Diverticular Disease: "a condition in which muscle spasm in the colon (lower intestine) in the presence of diverticula causes abdominal pain and disturbance of bowel function without inflammation." We are kind of hoping it is that, because that at least gives us something certain and that way, knowing what it is, we can then start to implement a dietary plan to help keep the symptoms at bay, and knowing what it is, also allows us to have a plan in place to combat any rising symptoms that might occur and hint at it happening again.

So all in all, not a bad day. I'm off for now, but will keep y'all posted. Hope all is well, and Grace, if you see this, I hope you are doing better. You and Paul both (the main two other posters on this thread - no offense to any other posters - feel free to include yourselves in this), have helped me a great deal in learning to cope with my GF's anxiety. It's one thing to have a mental illness of your own, another entirely to have it happen to someone close to you.

Hope all is well,

Cheers,

Sheldon

[blondguy]

Hi Sheldon

Thats sad to see your Gf's mum is in hospital. I hope her docs have a handle on whats happening now. It would have been upsetting for your GF and her anxiety, she has done well to handle it the way she has.

I think Grace has been working through her anxiety and study...but when she posts she usually does in the BB Cafe. If I see anything new I will let you know.

Thankyou for posting back Sheldon and your very kind words in your last paragraph too 🙂

Paul

[Belthizor]

Hi guys,

Just an update for you all. My guys mum is out of the hospital and is doing well. They took some biopsies and she finds out the results of them next week. We're hoping for something definite as that way we can positively say what it is and definitively know how to treat it.

In other news, I had an appointment with my surgeon (just a check up). He was pleased with my progress and wants to do a Pouchoscopy which is just like a colonoscopy except I don't have a colon. So that's something to look forward to - not! I have to have an enema and I'll be awake for the procedure. Not fun at all.

As for my Gf, she's being alright. She got told off at Work For the Dole on Thursday for skipping out early on Tuesday and for a few other things, this later triggered an anxiety attack when she got home. It looked different than her usual anxiety attacks, but there were some definite familiar signs there. She's better now and has had a chance to evaluate her actions.

Anyway that's all the news I have for now. Hope you're all doing well!

Ciao for now!

Sheldon