This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I think schools on the whole are supportive today.

in the 1970s I was told by areers counsellor cas we did not have an ordinary counsellor to leave my problems behind. She asked me did I hate my mum, but ignored my extreme mood swings. I was told by teachers to knuckle down and not be lazy.

asdff I am sorry no one recognised that young Asdff need help and support.

Aries,

I was always the one who communicated with friends and family and kept relationships going.

In last 2 years I have waited for others to get in touch . Real friends will keep in touch and understand but a few complained I didnt answer and an email.

[velvetfaerie]

I was missed too as a young teen by the school system and parents. I have hope the schools do better today but I have no real experience there ahhaah.

However I have been accepted for an urgent domestic abuse session with a psychologist tomorrow.

Not bad given the system is swamped. I did explain I do understand there is a huge demand for help.

[asdff]

Hooray for getting an appointment Velvet. That is something to celebrate. Well maybe be thankful rather than celebrate. Schools do better now Velvet. They have therapy dogs. Oh yeah, I would have had one sitting with me at all times. The nuero diverse kids get compensated for. Ie. the school knows who has autism. If it impacts the child functioning, the school will suggest a diagnosis. As we know sometimes the system is overloaded. The children’s psychs are overloaded. Quirky, not good enough on the education system. I always worked hard to be “normal”. It’s too hard to keep up appearances now. Some days I look well put together. Other days, i:e. Depressive days it’s hard for me to brush my hair and get dressed.

[Leisa68]

Hi Lisa6111

Good on you for not smoking for four days, what a great effort! I know you will start to feel good benefits soon with your decision (which I'm sure was not an easy one). There is one thing I would like to give up myself, but feel entirely helpless to do so.

Anyway all the very best!

Leisa 68

[quirkywords]

Velvet

so pleased you have an appointment .

Asdff do you ever wonder like me how your life may have been different if you had help at school .

[velvetfaerie]

I'm glad to hear that schools got progressive.

I have a therapy dog. He needs therapy and that's my job ahahhaha. Bad joke.

4 days is very good Lisa. It's very hard to kick addictions. Keep trucking!!!!

I think once the man is out and his stuff is gone I might take advantage of an almost empty house. Might paint it. I may even go as far as new bathroom and kitchen. Money pending. Small tasks first.

Then the floors.

I deserve a whole new start. Almost. Lol.

[Lisa611]

V am glad you got the appointment. Making new goals for yourself is a great idea. We are getting a new kitchen in Feb. The backyard is getting done on the 17th of this month. Day 5 today. I find the mornings the hardest. Aries I am starting to feel better mentally as well as physically. Early days yet so it's a constant battle.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

thanks for letting us know how you are going.

Times have changed. When my mum gave up smoking in late 1960s she found the hardest part was when she was sitting down and talking on the phone as she always smoked then. So she took up doodling and we learnt not Lo leave any important papers like homework bear the phone or they would covered with .

well done you are doing well .

Velvet

a new start sounds good.

[asdff]

Well done Lisa.

[Airies]

Quirky, love the bit about not leaving important homework about.Can picture your mum on one of those dial up phones or had you advanced to one on the wall?At school I was the one who was easily distracted, needs to focus and so on.I was a good kid ,just different.

V, good to see you haven’t lost your sense of humour. A fresh start around the house might be the best therapy.
Lisa , way to go. What’s the for the backyard? I like my gardening, plan to increase me veggie patch in the oncoming months and have a very user friendly garden.

Leisa , welcome back. I’d love to cut back on my emotional eating.

Quirky, I see those books and reminds me of fond days of my days of working in that field.