This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[velvetfaerie]

Hey dudes.

Didn't make it to 2022 before I got rid of 1 of the 2 things poisoning my life. I've kicked man thing out. I've changed the locks. He's not to return without prior arrangement when moving his belongings.

He has been lying to me. Since last year I found his collection of private videos if you get my drift. Ones off the interne.... he lied. I found them. He lied. I found more today. He's addicted. He prefers that to me.

Working on our issues isn't important. He is a textbook narcissist.

I've even got videos off the CCTV showing how he manipulates the narrative. Gaslights. Tonight he has stonewalled.

He won't discuss how he wants to manage the split.

So I changed the locks.

Too bad.

[quirkywords]

Velvet

I am sorry than man thing lied to you and manipulates the narrative and gaslights.

You have given him many chances over time.

How are you.?
You are kind re his belongings. I have seen people putting out the exes belongings on to the lawn in front of house.

Sending a hug .

[velvetfaerie]

I've spoken to 1800 respect.

It's domestic abuse. I'm tired and drained from everything. We don't work because he sees his issues as everyone else's fault and problem. No accountability.

Until he adults with me and is respectful of my home and position he won't get access to this house. I get nothing but gaslighting and stonewalling all the time. No more. It's not up to me to pander to him.

He's either the victim or wants complete control.

I just want him gone.

I've read words his ex shared the day they got divorced. She's right. And I'm right. This is who he is and he pushes people to breaking point. Once they break and stand up again they fight back and he's the victim.

I'm cleaning the house and reading stuff I was sent from the help people.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Velvetfaerie,  Thank you for sharing your story with us here. We are sorry to hear that things have been difficult for you in your relationship. 

We can only imagine how confusing and heartbreaking it must be and the amount of questions that must be running through your mind, after being treated badly from someone who means so much to you.

Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport

[godless]

I like the triplets, I have fat fngers and I get tremors migraine and brain fuzz. I stay out of relationships mostly becaise I am at my best alone.

[quirkywords]

godless, welcome.

I am not sure who the triplets are.

Sorry you get migraines.

I am not sure when I am at my best , I will ponder that.

Velvet I am glad you rang 1800 respect.

I have seen that when someone stands up and fights back the gaslighter tells all that they are a victim. That makes so much sense to me thanks.

[asdff]

Hi all, Velvet I hope the 1800 Victim people can help. I am glad you have showed him the door and he will not be able to re enter it.

I am over the heat. I am over “celebrating” and pretending everything is okay. I feel let down by my family. I am not a drama Queen and seem self sufficient. It would be nice for someone to do something for me sometimes. Oh that’s okay ASDF is okay. She has a nice husband, she has nice kids. I feel like I’ve been replaced by Step Niece. She has the young child. They all pander to her and bend over backwards for her. Meeting her and the child’s needs.

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I am sorry you seem to be invisible to your family.
I wish someone would do something nice for you.

[Airies]

V, be kind to yourself during the process.it takes a lot of determination to do what you have done and to seek help as well. No mean feat.

Asdff, I think we cop the heat later this week. A very ordinary Summer thus far, but one day rolls into the next. I wasn’t looking forward to Xmas and said so, ate humble pie and it went better then expected. I do not like changes these days.

One so called friend,;no contact, no dramas I will gradually distance myself. To be frank I can’t be bothered

[quirkywords]

How do people handle sad anniversaries.?

I have my second anniversary of the fires on Friday and am just not doing much for a few days .