This bipolar life

[Kazzl]

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

[Lisa611]

Hi All...sorry to hear about your sad news Quirky. Velvet I think we all want to feel appreciated. My partner's 20yr old son who lives with us broke a very expensive plate today that I had on display. I couldn't help yelling at him. I have told him that he will have to pay to replace it. After he found out how much it will cost he says can't you just get it fixed!!! It's in several pieces. To be totally honest sometimes I resent him being here. My other half is a great guy but his son is a free loader. He does nothing around the place. He doesn't even put his dirty dishes into the dishwasher. I have brought him a Xmas present. If he hasn't brought me one this year then I'm not buying him a gift next year. I know that sounds petty but it's how I feel right now. Wishing you all a happy day tomorrow. Hugs to all.

[velvetfaerie]

Lisa I totally understand!!!! I feel your pain. The only way I think is to play back. Talking about it never works. Doing the adult thing never works. Yelling also never works. You do to them what they do to you and then watch them have a fit.

Kids these days ..... (hehe. Old lady speech!!!).... no empathy. No respect. No courtesy. No intelligence. No consideration.

Asdff - what about a backpackers hostel? Heheh. **wink**

Gonna be a fun week in the West. Heatwaves. Covid landed. Merry Christmas!!! **rolls eyes**

The last 3 days have given me a really bad headache/maybe migraine. Humbug. This will last for a day or two.

Gah.

[quirkywords]

Lisa

did your partners son break the plate accidentally. Even do he should so

apologise and offer to pay something towards it. You have mentioned his behaviour before. It must be difficult fir you when he dies nothing to contribute to the household.

I am clumsy and have a slight tremor due to medication and do break things especially glasses and crockery. Mind you I do not touch anything breakable or of value.

My children say don’t buy mum anything as she breaks it or loses it!,

I want to wish everyone a special and joyous weekend,

If it all gets too much I will be here to have a chat as I will be on my own but not lonely.

I am reading and watching old movies and enjoying doing what I want when I want.

Maybe I am a hermit after all.

[asdff]

I hate being the last on everyone’s radar. Sounds like you Velvet! I have been trying to get in touch with my mother all day. I get hold of step dad. Turns out she is looking after step niece’s child. The day before Christmas and then messages me to say she close to a meltdown. Well how about not looking after the child. The child has a mother and a father that both don’t go to work. My blood is boiling. Then mother says I thought we arranged to see you on 27th. No, you told me multiple times you wanted us on 26th. Far out. She said mother of this baby wanted Christmas at mum and step dad’s house. That is fine. Why then are you looking after the child the day before hosting? I’m the only one that doesn’t ask for what I want. Other people take and take. Then I don’t even het scrappy seconds. I really want to write back and send a screenshot with details of what day we arranged on. I told her to start saying no. She even has my alcoholic uncle saying for a few days. For goodness sake woman!!!!

[quirkywords]

Asdff

I know that feeling of e etyones needs are taken into condsideration but not mine..

I am sorry your mum does not see you or see you need her .

[asdff]

My needs never get met and never will. My mothers sisters have said I need to be very direct with her and my needs. That is not in my nature. I see she is overwhelmed and under stress, so I don’t add to her burdens. Yet others do. My husband doesn’t get it. His needs have always been met by his mother. As a baby, as a young boy and now. I’m at the bottom of a very long list with my mother.

[quirkywords]

In my family it is the other way my chilyrebird needs are met and I met my parents needs first.

Asdff have you learnt to meet you own needs.

I hope Christmas Day was bearable fir everyone.

[Airies]

Quirky sorry about your dad news. Catching up with posts. It’s been a full on 3 days. Well for me anyway and there’s only so much food one can eat. Up early for a Boxing Day sale. More stuff for me and trying to sell other gear to turn into latest hobby.

My better Half is back at work and son spent night at sister n laws so just me and the dog. Awfully quiet. A day on the couch I think.
Quirky I get the shakes too, blame my meds and they increase if I get agitated.
Lisa, we had some little toddlers over and instantly drawn to a few sentimental Knick knacks picked up on travels. Needless to say these were quickly moved away.

V pretty disciplined to be hitting the gym. Hopefully I can kick start off into the new year,

asdff, I do hope things pick up for you and you put yourself first for a change.

[Airies]

Quirky that was meant to be sad news… blame fat fingers

[quirkywords]

Airies,

I have chubby fingers and am queen of typos so I knew it was sad.

I have been on my own for 4 days and have watched many many movies and documentaries!! I had all theses plans to write a lot, tidy and sort but I have had no energy and have sat on couch and watched movies!! Is that self care or being lazy??