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This bipolar life

Kazzl
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Are your moods are like an elevator with no control buttons? Mine are.

Ground floor ... I feel normal, content, just quietly getting on with ordinary, everyday life, loving my family and friends. This is as it should be. And maybe there's nothing wrong with me after all. Live.

Going up, top floor. Oh look! There's a shiny thing! I want to sing! Let's go buy stuff! Let's have a big party and invite the world! What could possibly go wrong! Woooooo hoooooooo! Play.

Going up (a different day) top floor. What do you mean you don't agree with me! I'm right! Why don't you think like me? Keep up! How can you be so illogical? I'll f-ing shred you if you don't do what I want! Rage.

Going down, lower ground floor. Flat, listless, can't be bothered. Can still function but it's a drag. Cope

Going down, basement. I'm never getting out of bed again. I'm useless, worthless. Total idiot, how could I ever imagine I could do anything, nothing ever goes right because I'm wrong. I'm a burden to everyone. Hide.

Welcome to my bipolar world. It's always been my world, but it's only recently I've seen it for what it is. About 15 years ago I was diagnosed with clinical depression during one of my 'basement' times. I had a lot of lower ground floor times too, on and off, and I kept out of the basement (so I thought) with alcohol. Until that took me into the blackest ever basement with only one obvious way out. Having survived doing something very dangerous I realised I had to stop drinking or I really would die.

I never took much notice of the playful times or the anger, that was just me, I was fun sometimes, and sometimes I was a devastating bitch. Ha! Deal with it people!

Well, yes, but in time the elevator started going up and down too quickly and, as I became more aware and more knowledgeable about mental health I realised this wasn't good. Doctor. Diagnosis. Bipolar 2. Lithium.

So, I've started this thread in the hope that other bipolar folks will join me, to share experiences and strategies. In my 'beginners' understanding, we are different from other fellow travellers of the back dog. While we experience depression as many others on this site do, the hypomanic or manic ups and, for some the rapid cycling that can happen, are experiences unto themselves.

I want to learn more, and I want to share with others. I hope my fellow elevators will join me here.
BTW, it's a ground floor day in my head today! Yay!

Love

Kaz

10,660 Replies 10,660

Lisa611
Community Member

Hi All just catching up on the posts. Velvet I'm glad that you've others to talk to at work. Having support at work is really important. Airies I hope you are kind to yourself. If you don't feel like riding your bike for a few days that's ok. A big wave to Quirky and Asdff. Am glad it's Friday. I'm tired by the end of the week. Had my eyes tested yesterday. All good. I wear glasses but my eye sight has stayed the same. My partner is having shoulder surgery on Monday. My daughter is now in Prague. Get this...the guy she is currently seeing flew all the way over there for her birthday!!! It's a long way to go. He might be a keeper. Having Chinese tonight. Wishing everybody a good weekend. 🙂

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Asdff

i get acronyms mixed up all the time.

ECT concerns me as my mum had the earlier version about 50 years ago and was never the same with whole years of gaps in memory but I have heard things have changed.

 

Aries I think Issi had tms , I have only tried medication. I did a CBT course online. 

Lisa what a dear boyfriend your daughter has, I have trouble having loved ones remembering my birthday. Thanks for update. 

Quirky a member of my immediate family forgot my B’day. If I did that to them I would be in huge amounts of trouble. Double standards. Lisa, I have been to some of the place where your daughter has visited. They are amazing. Thanks Airies and Velvet for all of your replies.

asdff
Community Member

Why do we feel everything? It’s exhausting. 

asdff
Community Member

My brain and my life is flat out or not at all. I’m either running around like a headless chicken or sitting like a blob. Today is a mix of both. Can I have a brain reset? It’s exhausting. It’s exhausting hiding my feelings, it’s exhausting having these feelings. I just want a brain that is happy. Happy to sit and be. 

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Asdff I feel everything or nothing too.

i relate to the headless chook or blob,

I find it hard to sit and be for long, I want move and write or think.

Today I feel below average. Like a well put together person to outsiders but look at the back of me and my underpants are hanging out of my jeans. I have toilet paper on my shoe. So the front is okay but look at the back (the inside) and it’s not put together. We have a sort of surprise visitor coming over today. I don’t like surprise visitors. Lucky we got a call before they arrive. I am  usually in comfortable clothes, hair May or may not be brushed. You get the drift. I had already planned the afternoon. Kids were having a friend over each. I was going to watch something on TV and husband was going out. I find this easier to deal with. Meaning my moods are easier to deal with. I’m not the type of person you would throw a surprise party for. Us BP don’t know if it’s going to be a good day or a bad day.

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Asdff

i remember telling someone how great it must be to got bed and in the morning know everything will be fine,  no surprises. 

Wife and I having the discussion when the time comes to have our ashes cast out to sea when the time comes. We are RC, have a plot where our twins are but don’t wish to disturb them. Have a lot of living to do mind you. Back from a ride and my foot kills me. Worries me if it doesn’t improve and gets worse. 
Asdff , be kind to yourself. I tend to stay in the same clothes. I am so so structured. Throw me a curveball and im stuffed. I overthink everything. I’ve labelled my moccasins L and R on the inside tag so I don’t wreck them. It’s all or nothing 

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Aries ths is so sad about your twins . Casting ashes out to sea is something I have heard z about  in a bookshop. 
zI often button up a shirt and the have one buttonhole ho,e left over. Now I start from the bottom!